Snerk…

Another one from the mil email string…

A LOT of these are true if you are ‘of an age’!

Random thoughts from people our age…

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid neighborhood of your choice” routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

Do you remember when you were kids playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

Any additions??? 🙂

Comments

Snerk… — 31 Comments

  1. With you on the shopping bag carrying thoughts. Either from the store or from the vehicle to pantry, if a couple of bags aren’t looped over both my wrists as well as in my hands, I’m not half way trying. Wife just looks at me and shakes her head – Hey, its just the way I’m wired.

  2. A variation on making an excuse to change directions – when renting a car in the U.K., walking up to the car and realizing the steering wheel is on the other side, but you open the passenger door, lean in and open the glove box or do something else that makes it look like you meant to do that before closing that door, walking to the side where the steering wheel is located and getting in so you can drive off.

  3. I’m so glad someone else has trouble with fitted sheets…

  4. Does anyone else tie the handles of those plastic bags together so stuff doesn’t fall out of them in the SUV?

    • Everybody! That is, everybody who has had to re-bag everything when they got back home, so they started doing the tied handles thing; unless they really love being able to loop them over their wrists and forearms ( sorry!).

  5. “I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.”

    Which is why, in my dotage, I broke down and bought a folding cart.

    • I use a cart that I bought to haul things at the range. Still takes two trips, first take in cold/frozen, put them away. Then the rest, they can stay in the garage until I feel like dealing with them.

  6. “I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid neighborhood of your choice” routing option.”

    Somebody did this. It was an app for iPhones called “SketchFactor,” i.e, “avoid ‘sketchy’ neighborhoods, and
    a) it was really popular, and then
    b) Those People called it ‘racist,’ so
    c) Apple took it off their platform
    https://archive.vn/3auUO
    https://archive.vn/g89rG
    https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sketchfactor-app-white-creators_n_5660205

    During all the times I’ve moved, plus some of the times I’d travel to City ‘x’ or ‘y’ for extended visits, I’d go to the FBI Crime Map web page. You can populate a metro area with crime data over the last 20 years and then overlay with registered sex offenders, and by looking for ‘holes’ between all the hits it’s easy to find oases of sanity and peace – especially if air travel has guaranteed you to arrive at your destination city unarmed. Once when doing some work in Orlando I got to discover how lovely Winter Park was – and only about 20min out of town.

    I sometimes grab one extra plastic grocery bag and pass it through the loops of like 6-10 bags. Do this again for your other hand and you can get in a good curl.

  7. The Nintendo thing; contrary to popular belief, the world existed… and functioned… quite well, actually,… prior to the internet. Word-of-mouth is incredibly rapid. Or is it RABID… My wife and I met while working on an assembly line. The factory was comprised of several long steel buildings. We decided to start a rumor that we were getting married just to see how long it took to get to the other end of our building. It took fifteen minutes for the rumor to make it… to the building farthest from ours! I remember the Nintendo cartridge thing. Our elders were always telling us “You’re just going to ruin the thing,” and yet they never told us of a better way to fix it… A little farther down the road we discovered alcohol. Still a little farther down that road we discovered… alcohol…

    Does anyone actually FOLD a fitted sheet? I half-roll it, half-fold it, and stuff it in the drawer. Honestly; who’s going to see the wrinkles but you?

    If you’re hoping for a red light to finish or read a text, you’ll be clean and green from California to New York…

  8. I’m with you on the grocery bag thing, although my wife bought one of those folding carts.( Holds 300#.) I use it to carry cases of water and soft drinks from the truck to the house.

    But, my old boss had a saying about extra trips…”Shoe leather is cheaper than doctor bills.”

  9. Clarence Darrow: “I have never killed anyone, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.”

  10. “I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid neighborhood of your choice” routing option.”

    I have seen that one as “Garmin needs an “Avoid Ghetto” option.

  11. The Nintendo thing; I hate to break it to you, but most of your readership probably predates the Nintendo by at least two generations.

  12. “Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger…”

    A variation on that one is a movie you watched when you were younger that you thought was very funny. Then you watch it as an adult and instead of being funny it’s… painfully stupid.

    “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” was like that for me.

  13. All- Seems I’m not alone in these… Cranston- THAT is a damn good idea! And some of us had to teach the kids Nintendo… sigh

  14. As best you can, and then say “The HELL with it”, and cover with a blanket.

    Well, it works for me.

  15. I’ve watched movies I saw as a kid (mostly Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers), and a number of Busby Berkeley movies in my 30s. Now have some on DVDs.

  16. On favorite movie:
    Or the movie is so old (now) that nobody understands half the stuff in it. (My two favorites are Casablanca and Singing In The Rain).

    On not understanding what was going on in the movie when I was younger:
    Oh, when I got older and figured it out? I sat down with my old man and gave him a LECTURE on ‘how dare you say modern movies are full of sex!’ when some of his favorites had guys cheating on their wives, women sleeping all over the place, drugs, alcohol, etc. Movies from the 20’s and 30’s had some -serious- kink in them! Even some in the 40’s!

    Agreed on the sarcasm font.

  17. “ How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?” – I actually learned how years ago by asking that very question in a busy laundrymat. A housewife who happened to be there rolled her eyes and showed me. True story.

  18. Avoid ghetto. A few years back had a job that took me through Birmingham, AL. Big jam on I-65 so used the “alternative route” feature. Bad, bad move. Thought I was in a third world country of burned out buildings and sullen people standing on the corners.

    Since I made the trip twice a month I developed an alternate using I-59 and I-459. Longer but the piece of mind was worth it.

  19. You do not fold a fitted sheet. You wash it and but it back on the bed. When I was single I owned 2 sets of sheets. Flanned for fall and winter, cotton for warm weather. I only had to fold a fitted sheet twice a year.

  20. One of my go to ‘excuses’ when stumped by techno stuff is to plead guilty to being a member of the pre-pong generation. I’m not quite a Luddite but close……..
    The scary part about that is seeing just how many young folks make me look good in that area.

  21. Or driving up to the pump….on the wrong side.

    Hope you’re doin’ okay.

  22. All- Good points, and Jet, just got a new vehicle. Of COURSE the damned filler is on the other side… sigh… Felt like an idjit the first time…LOL

  23. In a new car, or a rental, look at the gas gauge and you will see a pictogram of a gas pump. There will be a little triangle pointing to the right or to the left. That tells you which side of the car the filler is on.

  24. Roy- I know… I know… sigh

    Guy- THIS… SO MUCH THIS! But I DO know where the gas fill is on a 57 Chevy!