Tired of the BS on the news? I sure am…

Here are a couple of really bad jokes! 🙂

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered.
A man come in and asks the farmer,
“Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”
The farmer shook his head and replies, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asks
as he sits down next to the farmer.
“Well,’ the farmer says, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her.
Just as I got the bucket ’bout full,
she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”
“Okay,” says the man, “but that’s not so bad.”
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replies.
“So what happened then?” the man asks.
The farmer says, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”
And then?” “Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her.
Just as I got the bucket ’bout full,
she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”
Man laughed and said, “Again?”
The farmer replies, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So, what did you do then?” the man asks.
“I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.”
“And then?”
“Well, I sat back down and began milking her again.
Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Hmmm . . .” the man says and nods his head.
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer says.
“So, what did you do?” the man asks.
“Well,” the farmer says, “I didn’t have anymore rope,
so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.
In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . .
Some things you just can’t explain.”

++++++++

It was a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.

Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he roars.

Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, “For Pete’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this?”

“It was Mother Bear who go up first.”

“It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up.”

“It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.”

“It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper.”

“It was Mother Bear who set the table.”

“It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat’s water and food dish.”

“And now that you’ve decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I’m only going to say this one more time I haven’t made the damned porridge yet.”