To start the week…

EDIT- Sorry it’s late, something hung up somewhere!

The Importance of walking

My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he’s 97 years old
And we have no idea where the hell he is.
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I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I’m doing…

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
But fortunately, my stomach covers them.
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The advantage of exercising every day
Is so when you die, they’ll say,
‘Well, he looks good doesn’t he.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.
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I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years,……
Just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
Because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
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Every time I start thinking too much
About how I look,
I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave,
I look just fine.

+++++++++++

Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.

Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”

Edna: “Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs. And what’s there: a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner; a marvelous dinner, lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times !!!”

Dorothy: “Goodness gracious!… so you are telling me I shouldn’t go ??”.

Edna: “No, no, no… course not…  I’m just saying, wear an old dress”.

This one tripped off the giggle box…snerk…