For your Monday…
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’.. But it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song , Bah bah Black Sheep, and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Did you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first PLACE?
How old does the corpse have to be for it to be archaeology instead of grave robbing?
Do the Alphabet song , Bah bah Black Sheep, and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
I remember that from someone losing the TV show “I can name that tune”, and he picked: Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, and the answer the show was looking for was: Bah bah Black Sheep. I felt he still should have gotten won as it’s the same tune
I always figured “putting your 2 cents in” versus “penny for your thoughts” was the price to pay for unasked-for advice
“Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?”
Men reach an age where they are, again, waking up every two hours thanks to their prostate and quarter sized bladder. So, it does become appropriate again.
In what does root beer float?
At what temperature does tuna melt?
Never mind the same clothes, what if you get buried with your young and attractive harem and then they become nagging harridans? You’re stuck with them forever.
Tuvela- Good one!
Steve- ouch!
JB- LOL
Mike- Sigh…yeah
Orvan- Hmmmm…good question
Hereso- Ouch…
A long time ago, I heard an “explanation” for Jimmy. The claim was the wording should be: “Gimme cracked corn”, with it being corn whisky. No idea what the explainer was smoking, but it almost makes sense.
My 1.8cents, 20% discount for cash. 🙂
Toaster: rea, burnt toast and milk of magnesia, first aid for possible poisoning !
“In a movie… ” In the early years, movies were physical things that existed outside of the character the actor was playing, as is an actor in a stage play.
Television was a live product, which existed only temporarily, during the broadcast.
Or that is what seems logical to me.
John in Indy
Why are they called apartments when they are all together? All hail Steven Wright!
About going to heaven…
The Saga of Biorn–