If one cannot say anything good, then don’t… So you get more axioms…

1. Golden Rule of Menus. If you can’t pronounce it, you can’t afford it.
2. Thank God it’s Friday – only two more working days this week.
3. When it is necessary to choose between ignorance and stupidity, choose ignorance, it’s curable.
4. The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
5. 3 Rules of Ruination. There a 3 ways to be ruined in this world: first is by sex, second is by gambling and the third is by engineers.  Sex is the most fun, gambling is the most exciting, and engineers are the surest.
6. Husar’s Do-It-Yourself Code. (1) Any tool left on top of a ladder will fall off and hit you in the head. (2) Any rope left dragging from any object will catch on something. (3) For the successful completion of any task requiring tools, it is necessary to bleed at least once.
7. Only the lead dog sees changes in the scenery; everyone else sees an asshole.
8. It is easier to do it the hard way.
9. If you can’t do anything about it, don’t
10. Love is blind but desire just doesn’t give a good goddamn.
11. Things are never as bad as they turn out to be.
12. You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.
13. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
14. Golf is a way of spoiling a good walk.
15. You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.
16. Golf architects can’t play golf and they make damn sure no one else can.
17. Bad decisions make great stories.
18. Nothing sucks worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
19. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
20. If the world were a logical place, men would be the one who ride side saddle.
21. Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
22. My weight is perfect for my height – which varies.
23. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
24. The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
25. Is it me – or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?
26. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco
27. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
28. Never miss a good chance to shut up
29. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
30. Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
31. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
32. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
33. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use duct tape.
34. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.
35. Some people are like slinkies – not really good for anything but they bring a smile to you’re face when they’re pushed down the stairs.
36. Rust never sleeps.
37. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can change and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
38. There’s only one endeavor in which you can start at the top, and that’s digging a hole.
39. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
40. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you
    when they’re in trouble again.
41. Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, merely surrounded by assholes.
42. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
43. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live
44. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane
45. The second mouse gets the cheese.
46. Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late
47. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then
    you won’t have a leg to stand on.
48. Never buy a car you can’t push
49. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
50. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
    probably worth it.