A little humor to start the week.
FOR THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW THE RULES
Southerners know their summer weather report: Humidity, Humidity, Humidity
Southerners know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh, The crick
Southerners know everybody’s first name: Honey, Darlin’, Shugah
Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes, Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias, Gone With The Wind
Southerners know their religions: Bapdiss, Methdiss, and Football
Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl’stn S’vanah Foat Wuth N’awlins Addlanna
Southerners know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos. Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall. The Country Club. The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails. Having bad manners. Cooking bad food.
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them,you “PITCH” them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.,make up “a mess.”
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in:
“Going to town, be back directly.”
Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that” just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines,… and when we’re “in line,” … we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y’all is singular, and all y’all is plural.
Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco, and fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.”
Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say, “Bless her sweet little heart”… and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
Bless your little heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff…
bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah!
There ain’t no magazine named “Northern Living” for good reason. There ain’t nobody interested in livin’ up north and nobody would buy the magazine!
Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they hada been!
If you’re a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.
Some great insights and funny truisms pointed out in that post. I live in Texas, where some of the eastern East Texas resemble more the truths spoken here. West Texas (and if you have ever driven across out state is a LONG drive) is another world altogether.
Thank you for adding some grins to my morning. Monday was made better by it.
Had a southern friend who enlightened me that “friend” is not always a term of endearment, as in “Friend, don’t try that.” Also “damn Yankee” is a polite term for friends (the good kind) who happen to be of the Northern persuasion. The terms they have for northern interlopers they don’t like are much worse. Also “The War for Southern Independence” was NOT something relegated to the dust bin of history.
I am not a redneck, I’m a hick. There’s a difference.
Our kids grew up to be hillbillies, but at least we taught them to wear shoes.
Where I originated the word “directly” was usually pronounced “dreckly” – with two syllables.
Yuck is fundamental force of Nature (like electromagnetism).
Peas are the exchange the particle (like photons).
I suspect gravy is some sort of perverse field.
And what’s the best way to heat the potato salad to proper temperature?
For the last, you have to turn it into the German variety. (Aunt Olga’s FTW. Never got her recipe.)
I do, indeed, prefer/enjoy a right proper German potato salad.
For those who wish a more complete education in Southern read “Southern Ladies and Gentlemen” by Florence King. I kept seeing “I grew up with him/her on every page, almost.
Another good source for entertainment in this vein is the YouTube channel, It’s a Southern Thing.
There are a few differences between Texas and the rest of the South as jrg pointed out. For example, I’m always “puttin’ somethin’ up” even if I am bending down to do it. As in, “Darlin’, be an angel and put this dish up in that cabinet under the sink.”
And regional phrases of course come into play – Up around your neck of the woods, OldNFO, the drainage ditches by the side of the road are referred to as “bar ditches”, since the road crews “bar’d” (borrowed) the dirt to make the road bed.
Also, “bless your heart” can have two very different meanings dependent on context. One as a polite substitute for ‘thanks’ and the other as a polite way of saying “F off!”
Finally, Yankee transplants are welcome as long as they come as refugees and not missionaries!
“Y’all” is never, ever singular. It would be the same as a Brooklynite speaking to one person and calling him, all by himself, “youse guys”.
All- Thanks for the comments, Carlton, I’ll have to find a copy of that one!
Don’t leave out us knowing what “Bless your heart” means in any particular circumstance. It could be used as either kindness and understanding or as a backhanded insult.
Thanks for the healthy humor. The Grey man series really grew on me. Excellent yarn! We live in the ” big country “. Although not the “south” the drah is profound with some of the old timers. We are from the NW and have assimilated y’all and sir / mám. Best regards.