Today, the ACLU announced that they are entering a law suit against God. Teaming with Amnesty International, the ACLU charges that the creation of Hell, by God, is “cruel and unusual punishment.” The reasoning, a spokesperson for the ACLU claims, in this western Christian culture, one goes to hell for defying God. If one feels they are destined for hell, because of their actions and beliefs, then one is compensable, before death, the spokesperson points out. An eternity of one’s soul burning in hell is not equitable, the ACLU argues, to one’s defiance and / or denial of God.
Since one cannot enjoy any monetary compensation after death, and while burning in hell, the ACLU claims that it becomes the inherent responsibility of the Federal Government to provide equitable monetary compensation while the hellbound beneficiary is still alive, on this mortal earth, and living in the USA.
In a proposed settlement agreement, the ACLU and Amnesty International have delineated a process whereas anyone believing that they are going to burn and / or rot in hell for an eternity will receive an advance check from a new bureau with the USGOV known as the Dept. of Eminent and Voluntary Loss of Soul, or DEVLS, for short.
Since God cannot be compelled to actually pay a check to each unrepentent sinner (aka: “U.S.”) the aforementioned bureau will provide a check ($) to any and all proclaimed beneficiaries. They only need to report to the new Sin Security (SS) office and line up for a check. The program, like the check, will be named: “HELLFARE.”
Um… Aren’t we already basically doing this???
h/t JP
LOL ….
Hellfare, eh?
Isn’t that when hard-working, moral achievers are forced to pay for and support non-working, immoral non-achievers so that the latter mentioned group of slugs can continue to proliferate and elect subsequent non-working, immoral elected officials to ensure their increasing prosperity. . . all at our expense?
And you know if the ACLU could figure out a way to sue God Himself, they’d be on it faster than Jerimiah Wright could use His name to damn America.
–AOA
Poor God. Where is he getting a lawyer to represent him?
Oh my – I’m SO stealing this!
Hysterical
Sadly, this could be legitimate…
Julie- 🙂
AOA- Sad but true…
WSF- GOOD question…
Rev- Feel Free!
agirl- 🙂
Armed- Yep…