I was going to put up a rant, but decided, what the hell, humor is MUCH better for the BP! Enjoy…
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins?
How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot…and something cold, cold?
What is the speed of dark?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM’s?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings ,why don’t they wear a pair of bras?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
What’s another word for synonym?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
How can there be self-help groups?
Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does she wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 “ups”?
If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
And why do the words flammable and inflammable mean exactly the same thing, but sane and insane mean the opposite.
I have seen the work inept used to describe a person, but I have never the word ept used as a compliment.
Thank-you, sir. I needed that.
re: The first question, the parsley farmer.
Several months ago, my lady and I were in the grocery and I happened to be standing near some parsley in the produce section.
My gal leaned over and asked, quietly “Do you know the difference between parsley and pussy?”
I looked at her quizzically. “No.”
She continued down the aisle. “Nobody eats parsley.”
If puns are the lowest form of humor, what does that say about those who laugh?
Hey Old NFO;
John- Damn good question!!!
ERJ- You are welcome sir!
WSF- That we have a sense of humor??? 😛
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
Actually, I saw a news story a few years ago about a lady in England who had a seeing-eye dog. After a new surgical technique was able to restore her vision, she was allowed to keep her now-retired dog. So when the dog started to go blind, the lady got another dog and trained it as a seeing-eye dog for her blind dog. Seemed to work out pretty well.
Some old, some new, but all raise a smile. My question is this. Why is the word ‘Lisp’ contain the letter ‘S?.
RS- That is a great story! Thanks
Stu- NOT a clue… sigh
Now that is a list!
Why do we drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?
“Why is the word abbreviation so long?”
Because it was designed by a committee.
The speed of dark:
Elizabeth Moon writes good!
Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?