Can’t find anything positive to post, so you get humor…

  • Not many people know that Land Rovers attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!
  • A Land Rover doesn´t leak oil, it marks it´s territory. Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn’t leak oil? The factory took it backand worked on it until it did.
  • Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner “How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. ” – “He replied, “It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !”
  • The Lucas motto: “Get home before dark.”
  • Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
  • Lucas – Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
  • Lucas – Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
  • The three position Lucas switch – Dim, Flicker and Off.
  • The Original Anti-Theft Device – Lucas Electrics.
  • >Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
  • Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
  • “I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou…”
  • If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
  • A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower…
  • Back in the 70’s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
  • Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators
  • Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
  • Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars,kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:” Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant..”

And one more…

One day while on their way to get married, a young couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?? When Saint Peter shows up, they asked him.

Saint Peter says, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go and find out,” and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer……for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

“And what if it doesn’t work out?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together FOREVER?”

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple, “You CAN get married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.

“OH, COME ON!!” Saint Peter shouts, “It took me three months to find a Judge up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take me to find a Lawyer?

Enjoy your weekend folks!


Sigh… — 17 Comments

  1. Poor St. Peter – wore out some shoe leather. ^hank you sir for the laughs.

  2. I need to hunt around and see if I still have the Lucas Smoke Replacement kit someone gave me as a joke.

  3. Hey Old NFO;

    I remember the Phrase about Lucas Electrical “The Prince of darkness”

  4. LL/Anon/Rev-You’re welcome!

    TxRed- LOL, really???

    Bob- Oh yeah! ANYBODY that owned an old MG, Triumph, or Jag knows that experience!!!

  5. I had a college roommate who had an MG; only time I ever saw someone calculate MPG and MPQ (miles per quart). Great set of jokes and stories. 🙂

    Oh, the Magic Smoke replacement kit got mentioned. You need it to make modern electronics work, but it’s had to inject. Requires a left-handed smoke shifter. OTOH, TXRed, that’s a great idea for working into a book or story (Magic Smoke).

  6. Stolen and posted on FarceBook.

    And thanks for the laughs. Having worked on MANY British cars over the years (I still have a few Whitworth spanners….) I can verify the accuracy of this report.

    And I learned a few new ones…….

  7. I always appreciated the bumper sticker on a MG that noted: We want you to know the parts falling off this vehicle are of the finest British manufacture.

  8. Lucas….. some things just make you go hmmm..
    I had a ‘69 Norton G15/cs. Great bike, lousy electronics. Never had a mechanical problem. Nothing but trouble with Lucas. If it wasn’t one thing it was three or four others. EVERYTHING you posted about Lucas is true.

  9. Pete can always get on the ‘hot line to down under (NO not Australia) and ask for a liar I mean lawyer, there is an over abundance of them down there.

    • WSF: I owned a Brit sport car and traded it to a shipmate for his Fiat, thinking that at least I’d get away from the Lucas Curse. Now you tell me! Sigh.

  10. Once upon a time when I still made my living fixing fighter aircraft radar I had a skipper who was fond of little British sports cars. One day he asked me why the radar transmitter on the Hornet went bad so often. I told him because Hughes had contracted it out to Lucas.

    I thought it was a lot funnier than he did. 🙂

    • Haha! I worked on Hughes gear as a swabbie and on Lucas crap as a car owner. I think God hated me when I was younger. Now, He just lets me create my own misery all on my own…