Another one from over the transom from the mil email net…
Fractured fairy tales…
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
‘What have you got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon,
‘Pies, you dumb ass!’
********************
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings’ horses,
And all the kings’ men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..
********************
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.
********************
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad……….
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
Thanks, I needed this. Much better for me this morning than current news.
Little Miss Muffet
Decided to rough-it
And purchased a castle – Medieval.
Along came a spider
Who plied her with cider
And now she’s the forest’s prime evil.
(source unknown. A classmate told it to me when we were reading “Evangeline.”)
Jack and Jill went up the hill
they each had a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with 2.50
they didn’t go up for water
Read this in one of William Johnstone’s books of the Ashes series
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
Which sat down beside her
And said
“Whatcha got in the bowl, bitch?”
My mom used to like telling the last one, although she didn’t tell it like you did …
Snerk… The first liar doesn’t have a chance… 🙂 . Thanks folks!
Posted from my iPhone.
Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffet
practicing spray and pray
along came a spider
who sat down beside her,
and Miss Muffet blew him away.
Thanks for these. Good way to start the day. Reminds me of the good old days when we could actually tell each other funny jokes.
I vass amussssssssssed!
Beans/Sam- LOL
Little Jack Horner
Sat in corner
Playing with sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb
Pulled out a plumb!
(Last stanza censored ’cause I know there are non-military folks that frequent your site, Navy.)
And make that “Plum”, obviously.
Hey Old NFO;
Those actually were pretty good…for a change, LOL
GB- LOL..
Bob- Tank you… I try… 😀
If you like this kind of stuff, you ,might want to look up THE SPACE CHILD’S MOTHER GOOSE.
Sample;
Little Miss Muffet
Sits on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
Her forcefield around her
the spider, the bounder,
Is not in the picture today.
Oh, and even if you don’t want to buy the book, do an internet search of the poem ‘The Theory that Jack Built’
It’s hysterical.
Thanks, I needed the laugh
Ha!
Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!
Some of those are great!
Thanks for the post. I needed a little cheering up.