Net humor…

Another one from over the transom from the mil email net…

Fractured fairy tales…

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
‘What have you got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon,
‘Pies, you dumb ass!’
********************

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings’ horses,
And all the kings’ men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..
********************

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.
********************

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad……….
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.


Comments

Net humor… — 16 Comments

  1. Little Miss Muffet
    Decided to rough-it
    And purchased a castle – Medieval.
    Along came a spider
    Who plied her with cider
    And now she’s the forest’s prime evil.

    (source unknown. A classmate told it to me when we were reading “Evangeline.”)

  2. Jack and Jill went up the hill
    they each had a buck and a quarter
    Jill came down with 2.50
    they didn’t go up for water

    Read this in one of William Johnstone’s books of the Ashes series

  3. Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on her tuffet
    Eating her curds and whey.
    Along came a spider
    Which sat down beside her
    And said
    “Whatcha got in the bowl, bitch?”

  4. Little Miss Muffet
    sat on her tuffet
    practicing spray and pray
    along came a spider
    who sat down beside her,
    and Miss Muffet blew him away.

    Thanks for these. Good way to start the day. Reminds me of the good old days when we could actually tell each other funny jokes.

  5. Little Jack Horner
    Sat in corner
    Playing with sister Mary.
    He stuck in his thumb
    Pulled out a plumb!
    (Last stanza censored ’cause I know there are non-military folks that frequent your site, Navy.)

  6. If you like this kind of stuff, you ,might want to look up THE SPACE CHILD’S MOTHER GOOSE.

    Sample;

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sits on a tuffet
    eating her curds and whey
    Her forcefield around her
    the spider, the bounder,
    Is not in the picture today.

    Oh, and even if you don’t want to buy the book, do an internet search of the poem ‘The Theory that Jack Built’

    It’s hysterical.

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