Net humor…

Humor??? Or way too close to the truth?

The Lone Ranger No Longer Rides – in California.

The Lone Ranger was arrested in Lone Pine, California for the crime of illegally transferring silver bullets.  The famed masked man had just apprehended an armed felon after shooting the gun out of his hand.  As was his practice for the last eighty years, he gave a silver bullet to the outlaw’s victim.

She was a kindly old widow who was robbed and held captive by the desperado.  This lady, grateful that her life and property were restored, treasured the silver bullet as a symbol that justice was done.

The trouble started when she showed the bullet to her weekly garden club.  Upon seeing the gleaming memento, one lady fainted.  Another lady gasped that they were all going to die.  A third lady, who was also a member of CHA (California Hysterics Anonymous), warned that where there was a bullet, there had to be a gun. 
During the shocked silence an attendee desperately summoned the Sheriff on her cell phone. 
When the Sheriff heard their story he struggled to stifle a laugh.  He knew the old gentleman on the big white horse.  He also appreciated how many criminals the Lone Ranger had captured over the years.  However, since California voters passed Proposition 63, he had to uphold the law.

Predictably, he found the masked man enjoying a beer at the Dry Gulch Saloon back in town.

“Thanks for helping old widow Smith,” he said, “but did you really give her a silver bullet?”

“Yes,” replied the Lone Ranger, “after all that’s my trademark.  Got a problem with that?”

“Well, yes,” hesitated the sheriff.  “Ya see – under Proposition 63, you’ve got to be a licensed firearms dealer to give anyone a bullet.”

“Are you kidding?” asked the Lone Ranger.

“Wish I was,” said the embarrassed sheriff, “and to boot whoever receives the bullet has to be registered with the Department of Justice.”

“Holy guacamole!” exclaimed the masked man.  “Did I do anything else wrong?”

“Well,” said the sheriff, looking even more sheepish now, “there’s the little matter of you shooting a gun out of the outlaw’s hand.”

“What!” said the Lone Ranger.  “If I hadn’t done that, the skunk would have plugged me for sure.”

“I know that,” admitted the Sheriff, “but he’ll probably sue you for failing to retreat and using unnecessary force.  If they convict you, they’ll take your six-shooters away for good.  Which reminds me, according to California law, your pistols have too large a capacity.  If I were you, I’d convert those six-shooters into five-shooters as quick as you can.”

“Jumpin’ Junipers!” exclaimed the Lone Ranger.  “I’d better tell this to my faithful Indian companion, Tonto.”

“Hold on,” said the Sheriff.  “I need to remind you that Indians are now referred to as Native Americans.  We privileged male palefaces have got to remember that.”

As the Lone Ranger sat in shocked silence, the sheriff explained his rights and proceeded to take him in.

Postscript: Upon being provided an attorney at state expense, the outlaw successfully sued the Lone Ranger.  He claimed that he could no longer work since he had suffered the permanent loss of his trigger finger.

Governor Gavin Newsom urged imposing the maximum sentence for possession of illegal ammunition and a firearm that exceeds lawful capacity.  He received a huge monetary award, forcing the Lone Ranger to sell the silver mine.

Tonto was deemed innocent, but victimized by virtue of being a member of an oppressed minority.  He was given land by the state and now operates a very profitable casino.

After getting out of jail, the Lone Ranger could not find a job since he was now an ex-con.  Fortunately, Tonto lets him do light janitorial work at the casino and sleep in the basement.


Net humor… — 13 Comments

  1. And what about animal cruelty to poor Silver carrying all that weight and being jabbed with spurs? Not to mention that scary mask which is certainly traumatizing to those of a sensitive nature. TLR and Tonto’s many campfires while on the trail generated greenhouse gasses. To stretch things to a breaking point, since the casino basement is occupied, it needs to be surveyed for radon gas and mold.

  2. Too close to truth. I get several catalogues that sell stained glass lamps and jewelry that has lead crystal in it. Each one has to have the CA health warnings that lead is bad for you, and that you should not grind up and chew leaded glass or lead crystal beads. *facepaw*

  3. Sad thing is, is that I can really see this as likely in that cursed state.

  4. Isaiah 5:20 King James Version (KJV)
    20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

  5. Having dealt with CA regs in the past this is not so funny. matches the stories coming out of GB these days. Was listening to a Youtube of military music and Rule Britannia came up. As I listened to the lines “Britons never, never, never shall be slaves.” all I could think of was they sure blew that one. CA and NY are giving the rest of us a preview of where some of the groups in our country want us to go. We separated from GB so as to NOT share the same fate. It would be nice if we remembered that.

    • It’s easy to slip from subject to slave. It’s criminal to slip from citizen to subject.

      More and more, until recently, I have felt to be more a subject than a citizen. Unfortunately, the mass of idiots, charlatans and frauds that comprise the current field of Dem Pres Candidates all look at me as a slave.

      Yeah, the story above, though purporting to be humor, is dark humor, almost realism. It’s a shame what has happened to one of the most free states, watching its rapid decline. Scary, and horrible and I’m watching the same forces at work here in Florida.

  6. Robert- True!

    TXRed- Yeah… sigh… and probably banned for sale in Kalifornia…

    Eric- Yep!

    Ed- Concur.

    WSF- And they’re reaping what they’ve sown…

    Carlton- Agreed! And I think that’s LOST on most of the blue states…

    Beans- Now that IS scary if Florida is joining them…

  7. It’s the socialist/leftist rot in places like Broward County, Tallahassee (the city, not the capital portion) and (wh)Orlando that is dragging us (Florida) down.

    Coincidentally, all three are socialist/leftist run cities/areas that have large populations of NewMassaYorkians who are trying to turn us into them. Like the 4 times we turned medmarijuana down statewide before they finally rammed it down our throats (and how, when only 10K people have med cards, a small city can afford 3 pot dispensaries? Hmmmm…)

    The fact that we (Florida) elected a rabid anti-gun/anti-businees/anti-agriculture Agricultural Commissioner who is in charge of Florida’s CCW permitting system, Gun shop and manufacturer regulations, regular business regulations and, of course, agriculture, shows how deep the rot is.

  8. Well what else would anyone in kalypornia? One would think as a former Texas Ranger he would have never been there in the first place but then again, crime knows no boundaries, just look at how criminal the legislators there have become.
    Beans – don’t forget that your Ag person not only has one of those medical marijuana cards but a CCW as well – NO conflict of interest there, nope nope nope not a bit.

  9. Gomez- I was wondering about that… And yeah, big time conflict of interest, and illegal, but elites. Rulz are for thee, and not for me…