Random things to ponder about…

– Sweet meats are candy, but sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

– Quicksand works slowly.

– Why do eggs come in flimsy paper cartons, and batteries come in packages only a chainsaw can open?

– Boxing rings are square.

– Tell a man there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.

– Why does a writer writes, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, humdingers don’t hum, and hammers don’t ham?

– If you can make amends, can you just make one amend?

– If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but just one, what do you call it?

– Why do you recite at a play, but you play at a recital?

– How can a SLIM CHANCE and a FAT CHANCE be the same, while a WISE MAN and a WISE GUY are opposites?

– Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

– Why do feet smell and noses run?

– If it was only a 3-hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL take so much clothing?

– Why is QUITE A FEW the same as QUITE A LOT?

– How does a building burn up as it burns down?

– Why do you fill out a form by filling it in?

– Why does your alarm go off by going on?

– When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.

– How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

– Why call it a HAMBURGER, when it’s made of BEEF?

– Why does SOUR CREAM have an expiration date?

– What would a chair look like, if knees bent the other way?

– IF “Con” is the Opposite of “Pro”, then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?

– Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients, but DISHWASHING LIQUID contains real lemons?

– How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn’t grow in it?

– Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

– Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to “CURE” it?

– Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

– Why do we wash BATH TOWELS – aren’t we clean when we use them?

– Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

– Why doesn’t GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?

– Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “S” in it?

– What do birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?

– Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

– Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

– If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

– Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

– If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

– Why do we drive on a parkway and park in the driveway?

– Where do homeless people have 90% of their accidents?

– If you drove your car at the speed of light, and you turned your headlights on, would they work?

– Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

– Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

– If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

– What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

– How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

– Why isn’t the word ‘phonetic’ spelled the way it sounds?

– When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

– What do you call a defective Milk Dud?

– Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

– Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

– What was the best thing before sliced bread?

– How come abbreviated is such a long word?

– it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

– Why do you press harder on a remote when you know the battery is dead?

– Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?

– Do fish get cramps after eating?

– Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

– Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

– If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

– Isn’t Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?

– What is the speed of dark?

– Do you regret even starting to read these???