Random things to ponder about…
– Sweet meats are candy, but sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
– Quicksand works slowly.
– Why do eggs come in flimsy paper cartons, and batteries come in packages only a chainsaw can open?
– Boxing rings are square.
– Tell a man there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
– Why does a writer writes, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, humdingers don’t hum, and hammers don’t ham?
– If you can make amends, can you just make one amend?
– If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but just one, what do you call it?
– Why do you recite at a play, but you play at a recital?
– How can a SLIM CHANCE and a FAT CHANCE be the same, while a WISE MAN and a WISE GUY are opposites?
– Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
– Why do feet smell and noses run?
– If it was only a 3-hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL take so much clothing?
– Why is QUITE A FEW the same as QUITE A LOT?
– How does a building burn up as it burns down?
– Why do you fill out a form by filling it in?
– Why does your alarm go off by going on?
– When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.
– How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
– Why call it a HAMBURGER, when it’s made of BEEF?
– Why does SOUR CREAM have an expiration date?
– What would a chair look like, if knees bent the other way?
– IF “Con” is the Opposite of “Pro”, then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
– Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients, but DISHWASHING LIQUID contains real lemons?
– How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn’t grow in it?
– Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
– Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to “CURE” it?
– Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
– Why do we wash BATH TOWELS – aren’t we clean when we use them?
– Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
– Why doesn’t GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?
– Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “S” in it?
– What do birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
– Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
– Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
– If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
– Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
– If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
– Why do we drive on a parkway and park in the driveway?
– Where do homeless people have 90% of their accidents?
– If you drove your car at the speed of light, and you turned your headlights on, would they work?
– Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
– Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
– If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
– What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
– How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
– Why isn’t the word ‘phonetic’ spelled the way it sounds?
– When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
– What do you call a defective Milk Dud?
– Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
– Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
– What was the best thing before sliced bread?
– How come abbreviated is such a long word?
– it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
– Why do you press harder on a remote when you know the battery is dead?
– Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
– Do fish get cramps after eating?
– Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
– Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
– If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
– Isn’t Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
– What is the speed of dark?
– Do you regret even starting to read these???