To start your week!

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this.. How much does he send you?”

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses – one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”

+++++++

Reborn!

Far, far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea – one was called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally, one day, Justin said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”

A large, mysterious Cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted.” Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn’t realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious Cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the Cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef, he realised he couldn’t see his old pal.

“Where’s Christian?” he asked.

“He’s at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark,” came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.” Christian replied, “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re a shark now, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin cried back, “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’m no longer a shark“

“I found Cod. I’m now a Prawn again, Christian!”

++++++++++

Two strangers get paired up at the public golf course, and just as the one man was about to tee off, the other man shouted, “Wait a minute!. That golf ball looks strange. Is that a legitimate golf ball?”

The first man replies, “Sir, let me tell you about this golf ball. It’s a NEVER LOSE EM golf ball. It has special properties that prevent me from ever losing it, no matter what.”

Second man: “That sounds like a load of shit! What happens if you hook the ball and it lands in the deep rough grass?”

First man: “Never a problem. The ball senses darkness which then starts a very loud siren. I follow the loud sound until I find myself standing over the ball. I play on. I cannot lose the ball.”

Second man: “Wait a second!!! What happens if the ball winds up in a tree?”

First man: “Never a problem. The ball senses altitude which opens a small trap door on the ball, releasing 50 feet of fluorescent pink line, at the same time the siren begins blaring again. When I locate the tree by listening for the siren. I simply tug on the pink line, the ball drops and rewinds the string. I play on. I cannot lose the ball.”

Second man: “Wait a minute! What happens if you hit the ball into a deep water trap?”

First man: “Also never a problem. The ball senses water

which opens another trap door where a small propeller extends and propels the ball to the surface. The ball then turns itself sideways where the propeller then drives the ball to the edge of the water trap. Then; the trusty siren begins to scream. I follow the sound. I locate the ball. I play on. I’m telling you I cannot lose the ball.”

The other man scratches his head, smiles, and says” I’m sold! Where can I buy one?”

First man: “Hell if I know. I found this one.”