Rulze…

THE RULES FOR CITY SLICKERS TO ENTER THE COUNTRYSIDE-
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & feed lots. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 or I-40 goes east and west, Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $400,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings in hunt camp while a deer is coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time
7. You bring “coke” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
OK, confession time. Before I posted this, because of my out of date, old fogie, life style, I called our child and asked what a “Mary Jane” was. I am SO afraid I will unknowingly post something dirty or offensive! For any of you other “so green ye could plant ’em” senior citizens….it is marijuana.
Sigh…

Comments

Rulze… — 12 Comments

  1. Related to “not knowing”, I was describing coke and noting how it formed a good part of our economy at one time, and my coworkers had no idea what I was talking about. Coke to them was either something you drank or snorted.

    I had to explain it was made from roasting bituminous coal, and used in the production of steel. They still didn’t really know what it was, so I tried to find some as it was sold in gas stations when I was growing up. I couldn’t find it for sale which explains my coworkers ignorance.

    • Steve: Gas stations sold coke? So, you pull in for your full service fill ‘er up and also buy a 25-pound bag of coke for your backyard smelter? I’m pre-coffee at the moment (c’mon, c’mon, perk already!) so research on my part is out of the question.

      • They sold coke for your house furnace and it burned cleanly and hot. Anthracite was another fuel possibility. Natural gas (or propane) furnaces have replaced that, avoiding the whole, feed the furnace and clean out the ashes, thing.

  2. I was visiting Jackson WY one year and was talking to a couple of flatlanders. Having just driven up the Snake River Canyon to get to Jackson, they were concerned (terrified) about driving in the mountains. They asked me if there were any mountain roads between here and Yellowstone or in the park. Going full “native guide” I was so tempted to lie
    and say no the roads in the park are fine. However, I took pity on them and my fellow drivers and suggested they take a tour bus.

  3. Mary Jane is a candy.

    But real *classic* Coke… had coke.

  4. Steve- Ouch…

    Robert- Yes they did. Primarily in England and Australia for home heating and cooking.

    NRW- Snerk…

    Orvan- That it did!

  5. 8. Yes, there are guns in this house. More than two, less than 100 at last count. Don’t like that either? See #3 above.