A Little Humor…

Q. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

   A1.  None.  They screw in a hot tub.

   A2.  None.  Somebody organizes a workshop on how to deal with darkness in your life.

   A3.  21, one to change and 20 to share the experience

Q.  How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change.

Q.  How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  A fish

Q.  How many male chauvenist pigs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  None. let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q.  How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  Four.One to actually change it, and 3 friends to brag to about how he screwed it.

Q…How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?

A…How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?

Q. How many red necks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. They can’t because they are too busy complaining about how all the blacks and mexicans are getting the good jobs cause of that affirmative action crap.

Q. How many paranoid people do you need to change a light-bulb ??

A. AND WHO’S ASKING ???!!!!

Q. How many pot growers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. None – They use flourescent tubes!

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Six

Q. Why

A. IT JUST DOES O.K !!!!!!

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to an earlier riddle.

Q: How many topologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It really doesn’t matter, since they’d rather knot.

Q. How many psychoanalysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. How many do you think it takes?

Q. How many Nebraska Cornhuskers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Only one, but he gets 3 hours credit for it

Q. How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. It depends on what kind of insurance you have

Q: How many straight San Francisco waiters does to take to change a lightbulb?

A: Both of them.

Q. How many Christians does it take to change a Light bulb?

A. none, they just stay in their darkness and pray to their non-existant god to do it for them

Q. How many gays does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Seven.  One to change the bulb and 6 to shriek, “Faaaabulous.”

Q. How many Japonese does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None.  They have machines to do it automatically.

Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

   A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

   A2: You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re  looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb…

    A3: How many can you afford?

    A4: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”,do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part          (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position  ect… ect…ect…..

Q. How many Sicilians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Two.  One to screw it in, and one to kill the witnesses.

Q. How many OJ jurors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None of them believe it is broken.

Q. How many particle physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. One. Two to change the bulb and three to renormalise the wavefunction.

     (if you don’t understand it, study quantum mechanics).

Q. How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. One… but it takes the entire staff of the emergency room to remove it.

Feel free to add your own in comments! 🙂

Random Stuff…

We all know NASA ‘developed’ the Space Pen and Tang, but here are a few other things they developed you might not consider… 🙂

You can click on the full size link to see the actual products, with the exception of the iPad app…

1. Personal lubricant
Maybe you thought they called it Astroglide because it makes you feel like a star. But no. The clear, water-based lubricant was developed by an engineer named Dan Wray while he was working on the space shuttle’s cooling systems at Edwards Air Force Base in 1977. (Oddly enough, this example isn’t mentioned in NASA’s own list of consumer products based on the agency’s tech, and Astroglide’s own website has dropped all mention of NASA recently, although it’s mentioned on tons of other sites.)


2. An iPad App that can identify your location down to the centimeter
You can already download this app — it’s called Ball Invasion, and it lets you shoot at balls that are hidden in the real world, in a particularly excellent form of augmented reality. The game was developed by a Swedish startup called 13th Lab, using a NASA technology called Simultaneous Localization and Mapping (SLAM) that creates a 3-D map of the local environment and calculates your position in it. The technology was originally developed to help robots navigate, but 13th Lab was able to make it work using just an iPad’s camera and other sensors. [via PopSci]


3. Using flowers for Sewage treatment
Waste treatment and recycling of water has been a major concern for NASA for decades, understandably — leading to the creation of NASA’s Vascular Aquatic Plant Research Program. NASA researcher Bill Wolverton discovered that the water hyacinth, a weed that’s super common throughout the Southern U.S., soaks up sewage, including hard-to-handle large pieces. The water hyacinth also soaks up heavy metals and other organic compounds from water. This miraculous process is due to tiny bacteria that live on the plant’s root hairs, which break down the sewage into nutrients that the plant can absorb. Now, towns throughout the South are using water hyacinth lagoons to purify their wastewater. [via HowStuffWorks]


4. Microalgae in baby food
NASA partnered with Martin Marietta Corp. to explore the potential of microalgae as a food source, as well as a source of oxygen on long space flights. During the lengthy research process, the scientists realized the microalgae had potential as a food source on Earth, thanks to one strain called Crypthecodinium cohnii, which produces docosahexaenoc acid (DHA) naturally and in high quantities. Meanwhile, a strain of fungus turned out to produce arachidonic acid, a fatty acid that’s crucial for infant health, in high quantities. The researchers spun off a new corporation to develop its nutritional potential. These “nutritional additives” now appear in 90 percent of all baby formula sold in the United States, and also are used in many products for adults. [via NASA]


5. Perfume based on how roses smell in low gravity
A perfume company, International Flavors & Fragrances, wanted to know if roses would smell the same in low gravity, so they cultivated a miniature rose called Overnight Scentsation to grow inside a plant growth chamber called ASTROCULTURE in the midsection of the Space Shuttle Discovery. The rose grew during a 10-day flight on board the shuttle, and researchers discovered that roses do indeed smell different in low gravity — because their production of volatile oils, or essential oils, is different. Astronauts sampled the molecules of the flower during the flight, gathering four samplings of how it smelled in space, and then IFF was able to synthesize a scent based on it. The result was Zen, a perfume from Shiseido. [via NASA]


6. Golf balls that fly straighter
The external tanks on the Space Shuttles contain liquid oxygen and liquid hydrogen, and NASA developed technology to keep the liquid from sloshing around and disrupting the smooth, predictable motion of the shuttle. Similarly, the center of a golf ball contains liquid — so when Wilson Sporting Goods Co. was developing a new golf ball, they turned to an engineer who used to work on the external tank airloads and “slosh control” for the shuttles — thus resulting in a ball that offers unmatched accuracy and distance. [via NASA]

7. Life-saving grooves
This could be the most valuable of NASA’s innovations, in terms of lives saved. NASA engineers discovered that cutting thin grooves across concrete runways would reduce the risk of hydroplaning, because the grooves create channels to drain off excess water. As a result, hundreds of airports have had their runways “grooved.” And the use of grooves on highways has reduced highway traffic accidents by 85 percent. [via NASA]


8. A handheld acne-treatment device
Tyrell Inc. founder Robert Conrad suffered from adult acne, and was working on a method to use heat to shock and kill the acne-causing bacteria without damaging the surrounding skin. His device was too cumbersome and expensive to produce — until NASA’s Space Alliance Technology Outreach Program (SATOP) hooked him up with a Boeing Company design engineer who worked at Kennedy Space Center. The result: the heating element in the device was smaller, and cost only 10 cents instead of $80 to produce, and Zeno is now a fast-growing product. [via NASA]


9. Nanomaterials for hairstyling
NASA scientist Dr. Dennis Morrison spent decades researching nano-ceramic materials — tiny particles of ceramics, 10,000 times smaller than a human hair. Among other things, he developed microcapsules full of drugs, that could be injected into cancerous tumors. But Morrison also helped develop a blend of nanoceramic and metals, that could be used in hair-care implements like hair irons — so that when the iron is heated, it releases negative ions that make the hair shinier and more manageable. He’s also researching using near-infrared light from LEDs to stimulate hair growth and speed up hair drying time. [via HowStuffWorks]


10. Diapers
When NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak went ballistic and drove from Houston to Orlando wearing her space-age diapers, on her way to confront her rival for a fellow astronaut’s affections, the world’s attention was focused on NASA’s diaper technology like never before. But actually, the same technology used in NASA’s Maximum Absorbency Garments (MAGs) is used in regular diapers — it’s a super-absorbent polymer called sodium polyacrylate. This polymer is also used in gardening, because it can absorb water and keep it stored in the soil during a drought. [via Hampton Roads.]


Um… yeah, we know ‘all about’ those diapers… sigh…

In other news, the Administration plan President Unicorn envisions takes ‘dead’ aim at the Military and it’s retirement system…
  • Establishing an annual enrollment fee for TRICARE For Life
    • But… we were guaranteed free medical care for life as a payback for our service (and we will also be kicked to Medicare/Medicaid at 65 now)…
  • Another (unspecified) retail pharmacy copay hike

    • Possibly to ‘actual’ cost…
  • Establishing a BRAC-style commission to recommend “modernizing” the military retirement system
AND the stated intent of the proposals is to “align government programs with those in the private sector” and address the “measurable disparity between the fees most retired private sector workers pay…and what retired military personnel pay.”


In other words, we may be charged up to $7000/yr for our ‘free’ medical care, not counting the $$ we already have to spend to make up the difference for what TRICARE doesn’t cover, and they are also apparently proposing closing all military exchanges and commissaries to ‘align’ the military retirees costs with the private sector.

The ‘BRAC’ shift in retirement is based on converting to a 401k type retirement, with the military only ‘matching’ the funds, and allowing anyone to pay in/get $$ out regardless of years of service.  Another thing that will probably go by the wayside is the GI Bill, because it’s “patently unfair” to pay to educate military members just because they serve…

Can we say GUT the military??? If that isn’t a blatant goal of this, I don’t know what is…

And DADT became official today… with MORE social engineering to come… including ‘rumors’ that the administration wants to ‘unionize’ the military…

And this one on “Smart” meters… Which are apparently getting hacked by ‘unknown persons’; e.g. bad guys looking for houses where people are on vacation…


Whipping it out…

Well, OG started it, and since I don’t have anything ‘positive’ to post, I’ll play along…


I’m gonna (once again) be an oddball, since I have actually have TWO carry knives, home knife and away knife…


On the left is my ‘away’ knife, a SOG Twitch II; on the right is my ‘home’ knife, an old Benchmade 154CM.  Both of them are kept sharp (see my earlier post about the thumb)…  I also carry a little Victronix for the scissors, tweezers, and toothpick.


Why two knives?  Simple, I’ve had that Benchmade for almost 20 years, and don’t want it to get ‘five finger discounted’ out of my luggage when I’m traveling.  The SOG is a nice knife, but I’m not really attached to it…


So that’s my pocket carries…

Cancer and our ‘bits’…



Come on people pony up a few bucks, this IS for a great cause (us guys, we ARE kinda important to y’all, aren’t we???); the numbers aren’t good if ONE in SIX is fated to get one of these cancers…

A few symptoms to watch out for:
  • Weak or interrupted flow of urine.
  • Frequent urination (especially at night).
  • Trouble urinating.
  • Pain or burning during urination.
  • Blood in the urine or semen.
  • A pain in the back, hips, or pelvis that just won’t go away.
  • Painful ejaculation.
The above symptoms could point to prostate cancer (or another condition.) See a doctor!
A few more symptoms:
  • Pain in the testicles.
  • Lumps / masses in the testicles (with or without pain).
  • Swelling in the testicles.
  • Persistant lower back or stomach pain.
  • Loss of sexual desire.
  • Increased breast size.
These symptoms could point to testicular cancer or prostate cancer.

See a doctor, and get your PSAT checked every year!!!

And a big tip of the kilt to the folks who were good enough to pony up goodies to support the cause!!!


A $250 gift card to Brownell’s, courtesy of Larry Weeks. Every gunnie’s heart goes pitter pat when the Big Brown Truck of Happiness pulls up with a package from Brownell’s!
A $250 gift certificate from Hornady Ammunition
Free registration to a pistol training class from Todd Louis Green. Carry a handgun for personal defense? Aspiring competitive shooter? Consider yourself a competent shooter, but just want to polish your skills? Then you could benefit from professional training, and Todd is one of the best in the business.
A $100 gift certificate from official Kilted to Kick Cancer sponsor, Alt.Kilt. Put it toward one of their Steampunk-inspired kilts shown here, or any of their other awesome custom kilts!
A free pair of Magnum Stealth Force 8.0 SZ CT WPI tactical boots, from Magnum Boots USA. Sorry, the Magnum boots are for U.S. residents only, folks.
Folks, I don’t care if you hit the links at the top of my sidebar, or the ones at your favorite blogger’s site, but please help out with this fund drive. We (all us guys) thank you for your participation, which will allow OUR continued participation…
Just sayin…

Trigger time!!!


Met up with Navy One at a ‘reasonable’ hour, drug him out to my range and ran him through a selection of shooty things… 🙂


Since he’d been complaining about not getting to shoot any ‘good’ guns, I dug a few out, the match Ruger MKII, the Python, and a couple of 1911s.


.22, .38, .357, .45 in the pistols, and a couple of other folks let him shoot various things too. All I can say is ‘kid in a candy store 🙂


Drug him over to the rifle range, and did it all over again, .22 (39A), 5.56 (M4gery), .308 (SCAR).   Some of the results are presented below!





This a one of those reduced size 25 foot targets pushed out to 100 yards.  I shot a couple of head shots with the M4gery, then gave it to N1, and once he figured out where to ‘look’ after he got used to my sight picture, he tore it up (understanding that he’d never shot an M4 until today).  I did plink a couple of .308 rounds into the target, and the barely touching shot on top of the head is mine (forgot I was sighted 2 in high), adjusted down and put one through the right eye, and called it quits…


As N1 said, we ‘took care’ of that target!  And he was smiling ear to ear 🙂  


Ironically, as we were cleaning up two more folks showed up, and it turns out I know one of them from JAPAN no less… sigh…


Good times, good conversation, and thanks for lunch N1!


I’m gonna enjoy the rest of the day, and clean tomorrow. N1 is a good guy, and he ‘may’ end up back in this area, if so, we’ve got an add to the blog shoots!

Mama Told Me Not To Come – Roseanna Vitro…

One of my high school classmates, Roseanna has been singing for years, and is REALLY good! She is also one hellva good person! She’s always had a passion for Jazz, and has performed for the troops and as an ambassador for Jazz throughout the world… Take a few minutes and enjoy her creativity!!!

Medal of Honor, SGT. Dakota Meyer USMC…


The President of the United States in the name of The Congress takes pleasure in presenting the MEDAL OF HONOR to


CORPORAL DAKOTA L. MEYER
UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS

For service as set forth in the following
For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while serving with Marine Embedded Training Team 2-8, Regional Corps Advisory Command 3-7, in Kunar Province, Afghanistan, on 8 September 2009. Corporal Meyer maintained security at a patrol rally point while other members of his team moved on foot with two platoons of Afghan National Army and Border Police into the village of Ganjgal for a pre-dawn meeting with village elders. Moving into the village, the patrol was ambushed by more than 50 enemy fighters firing rocket propelled grenades, mortars, and machine guns from houses and fortified positions on the slopes above. Hearing over the radio that four U.S. team members were cut off, Corporal Meyer seized the initiative. With a fellow Marine driving, Corporal Meyer took the exposed gunner’s position in a gun-truck as they drove down the steeply terraced terrain in a daring attempt to disrupt the enemy attack and locate the trapped U.S. team. Disregarding intense enemy fire now concentrated on their lone vehicle, Corporal Meyer killed a number of enemy fighters with the mounted machine guns and his rifle, some at near point blank range, as he and his driver made three solo trips into the ambush area. During the first two trips, he and his driver evacuated two dozen Afghan soldiers, many of whom were wounded. When one machine gun became inoperable, he directed a return to the rally point to switch to another gun-truck for a third trip into the ambush area where his accurate fire directly supported the remaining U.S. personnel and Afghan soldiers fighting their way out of the ambush. Despite a shrapnel wound to his arm, Corporal Meyer made two more trips into the ambush area in a third gun-truck accompanied by four other Afghan vehicles to recover more wounded Afghan soldiers and search for the missing U.S. team members. Still under heavy enemy fire, he dismounted the vehicle on the fifth trip and moved on foot to locate and recover the bodies of his team members. Corporal Meyer’s daring initiative and bold fighting spirit throughout the 6-hour battle significantly disrupted the enemy’s attack and inspired the members of the combined force to fight on. His unwavering courage and steadfast devotion to his U.S. and Afghan comrades in the face of almost certain death reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service.
Sgt (then Cpl) Meyer did his job, and does not believe he is a hero, instead deflecting the honor to those who didn’t come back and those who helped him.  Thankfully, he and military members like him continue to join and serve the military.
Hand Salute!
Ready Two.
You can read the unvarnished story HERE, thanks to Military times.

Dear Tech Support:


Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.  In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.  Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Golf 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.  Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!  It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.  It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.  Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.  I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.  I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.  The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.  Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.  However, be very careful how you use these programs.

Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5.  Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.  I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!



WARNING!!!  DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.  This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support


What can I say… 🙂  A little humor to brighten up what has been a pretty lousy week for a lot of folks…

Knuffingen Airport: The world’s smallest…

SIX years and 3.5 MILLION Euros, but a truly fascinating model airport!

Take five and enjoy the German’s engineering ability and design! Modeled on Hamburg, GE airport, if you’re curious. 40 aircraft an 90 vehicles move around the ‘airport’, including takeoffs and landings!

Simply amazing… 🙂

Remember…

WTC   AA11   UA175   Pentagon   AA77   Shanksville   UA93



Budweiser just replayed this commercial for the second time ever, and at the end added the words “We did not forget”…  Class act…