More Favorite Things…

But before I start, a couple of links- Alma for her comments on record keeping while we were fondling examining the various guns (Next time she will probably run screaming into New Mexico).  And Peter for his take on the trip…

And now…

COLTS!!! 🙂 Not that I’m biased or anything… Nope, not a bit… 😀

These aren’t on display, but still ‘classic’ Colts. Bottom Colt 1851, top 1860 Army. All matching numbers on both pistols. There were another four 1860s in one of the drawers, of those three were matching serial numbers and the last one was a parts gun, probably assembled by a troop armorer somewhere…

Right sides of the same pistols. Of note, you can see the modifications between the 1851 and 1860 clearly here. On the 1860 (top), note the notch in the bottom of the round behind the cylinder, and the trough in the feed toward the percussion caps. The trough feeds directly to the cap nipple, allowing one to simply slide the cap on without having to fiddle with it.

It’s for the ‘first’ Shoulder thingie that goes up!!! 🙂 It’s called a shoulder stock (Picture is common use from the net, not a piece in the museum).

Next up are a pair of Gen 1 SAAs, the top one had some beautiful original case hardening, both of these are from the early 1900s and show a bit of the difference between a daily carry/well used old Colt and one that was more of a Sunday-go-to-meeting old Colt. The stag grips were excellent fit and easily allowed one to grip the butt firmly.

Left sides of the same pistols. Note the difference in wear of the left and right rubber grips on the bottom Colt. Based on wear patterns, the shooter was right handed.

And I’ll take drawer number 3, Alex… 🙂 A bunch of Colts and that one beat up S&W 22 from yesterday and a S&W with MoP grips. The reason I took this was we were laughing at how much Ray would have loved the mother of pearl grips!

And one I need y’alls help on…

This pic is a Bisley and two SAAs, each with a different grip material. The top one is the one we can’t figure out. It’s either bone or horn from ‘something’, but nothing we recognized. As you can see, it’s deeply ridged, 1/16th to 1/8th inch deep. No cracks show on either side of the grips. Any help/ideas appreciated!!!

The middle on is a beat up set of plain wooden (issue) grips, and the bottom is some beautiful white ivory grips.

Sigh… I really needed more time to go through the Lightnings and Thunderers in that drawer. One oddity we did come across is on one of the display weapons, according to the Colt serial number list, there were either one each of a Lightning and/or a Thunderer, with the same serial number built in 1890… Wierd…

More pics tomorrow from other places! Thanks for stopping by and the comments!

A few of my favorite things…

Many thanks to the fine folks at Panhandle-Plains Historical Museum for hosting us yesterday and allowing us access for some research for upcoming novels.

A few pictures…

S&W Americans and a Schofield-

A pair of S&W Americans. The top one is engraved and probably plated after modification, it’s an original ‘American’. The bottom one is a ‘New American’, later production. Both have ivory grips. Notice the difference in the humpbacks above the grips.

The engraved one has had the barrel cut two inches and a new sight installed…

AND the engraved one was converted from what appeared to be .44 caliber to a .22 with sleeves that were (we think) welded in!!!

This is a military Schofield, last patent date 1873. Left and right views.

And the stamping on the left grip, 1876 and a set of fine script initials. The initials belong to LT James Rockwell Jr a government inspector from 1874-76. (h/t Not Clausewitz)

Lastly, one in ‘slightly’ worse shape…

This is one of those “I gotta have a gun” guns… Farm/ranch ‘fixing’ at it’s best…

Currently missing trigger and pin, carved wooden grip, overwrap with old telephone wire, barrel is held on by nut/bolt from somewhere, and it’s fired some ‘hot’ rounds based on the gas marks on the barrel in front of the cylinder…

In answer to an emailed question, yes you could have fired it by simply pulling the hammer back and dropping it.

Again, thanks for the access and extending your expertise!

Brands anyone???

The surround of the main entrance to the Panhandle Plains Museum…

And before you ask, no, I DON’T have a list of them (working on it)…

Pictures coming after I get back…

 

Out of pocket…

Doing that museum thingie again…

Panhandle Plains in Canyon, TX. Go read the folks on the sidebar, maybe I’ll get some pics up later, depending.

But I’ll leave you this one- Red sky at night, sailor’s delight!

Net Humor…

THOUGHTS ON AGING

-You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.
-You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn’t do anything the night before.
-The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
-Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
-It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
-You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
-Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
-When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
-You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can’t remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.
-Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
-You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
-The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
-Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?
-You know you’re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
-Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
-By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
-Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
-A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
-You know you’re into middle age when you realise that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

YMMV, IANAL, I don’t know where I was going with this…

Navy ‘Stuff’…

This week is something a bit different…

The Mosquito Fleet, AKA PT (Patrol Torpedo) boats. Specifically the WWII variants.

The original concept goes back to the 1890s, then called Torpedo Boats. In WWI, the Brits designed what they called Motor Torpedo Boats (MTBs), of which the US version is a lineal descendent.

PT 105 and sisters underway off the East Coast.

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo NH 97974 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

Three main competitors for the PT boat contracts (all of whom built at least some boats) were Higgins Industries, out of New Orleans, LA,  Electric Launch Company (Elco), out of Bayonne, NJ, and Huckins Yachts out of Jacksonville, FL. Higgins was already heavily into government contracting with their LCVP or ‘Higgins’ landing craft.

Various lengths and designs were proposed, and tested, with the designs ‘settling’ around a 76-80 foot boat, powered by three Packard 2500 marine engines. The ‘standard’ equipment was four MK-8 torpedos (later upgraded to the MK-13), two MK-18 21inch launchers, two .50 caliber machine guns and 2-6 Mk-6 depth charges. The ‘stated’ required speed was 32kts loaded.

They operated in the Mediterranean, off Europe, off the US, the Panama Canal, and the western Pacific. The total numbers built were, Elco- 326,  Higgins- 199, and Huckins- 18 (they were a late entry). There were slight differences between the different manufacturers, as indicated here-

from hnsa.org 1945 training handout

The original concept was to use them as an anti-ship weapon, primarily at night. However, this led to problems without good lighting to allow the PT crews to see their targets. Eventually most of the PTs were fitted with Raytheon SO radar, which had about a 17 nm range. This allowed them to upgrade their tactics and immensely improved their kill ratios.

Bonus points if you recognize this Lieutenant…

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo 80-G-14252 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

In 1942/43  PT boats at Guadalcanal were given credit for several sinkings and successes against the Tokyo Express (Japanese resupply missions). Several times the presence of PTs disrupted heavily escorted Japanese resupply activities.

In both the Med and Pacific, a primary function of the PTs were to sink the supply barges run in shallow water by both the Germans and Japanese. This was done by removing the torpedo tubes (ineffective against shallow draft targets) and installing more and heavier guns. John F. Kennedy actually commanded one of the original version of this in the Pacific, PT- 59.

Of course one can’t not mention PT-109…

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo 306-ST-649-9 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

I’m not going into detail on that, if you don’t know the story, just search PT-109.

Often forward deployed, the conditions, at least in the SW Pacific, weren’t always the best…  PT-66 (MTBRON-8) Morobe PT Boat Base, New Guinea. Note the camouflage netting strung behind the boat.

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo 80-G-53844 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

Another problem, actually one of the bigger ones for PT boats were aircraft attacks. With almost no armor plate, they were very vulnerable to attack. A number of boats were lost to friendly fire also.

One note on engines- The Packard Corporation actually built aircraft engines among other things, and the original engines submitted for the trials were upgraded WWI Liberty aircraft engines! There were three upgrades during the war, the 4M-2500 initially generated 1200 hp three of them roughly equaling the power of a Boeing B-17 bomber. It was subsequently upgraded in stages to 1500 hp , allowing a designed speed of 41 knots. The 5M-2500 introduced in late 1945 had a larger supercharger, aftercooler, and increased power output of 1850 hp. It could push fully loaded boats at 45 to 50 knots. However, fuel consumption of any version of these engines was exceptionally heavy. A PT boat carried 3,000 gallons of 100 octane aviation fuel, enough for a  boat to conduct a maximum 12-hour patrol at 23kts/200 gallons hour. At 32+kts/500 gallons hour generated only 6-hours. Hull fouling (BIG problem in the South Pacific) and engine wear both decreased top speed and increased fuel consumption.

The other missions PT boats fulfilled were lifesaving, anti-shipping during the D-Day invasion, mines and smoke screens, air-sea rescue operations, rescue shipwreck survivors, destroying floating mines, and intelligence or raider operations, depending on the PT’s theater of operations.

Very few PT boats remain, one is PT658, out of Oregon, totally rebuilt by volunteers and seaworthy! She is in her as accepted condition as of July 31, 1945. Simply amazing…

Creative Commons, Jerry Gilmartin and Don MacDonald, May 2011

Lastly, we have PT-305, housed in the National WWII Museum in New Orleans…

She is now seaworthy and available for rides on Lake Ponchartrain starting in April 2017.

Peripatetic Engineer has a post up HERE, with PT-305 actually underway on her own power!

For more information, you can go HERE

Continue reading

Vito and the Baby…

Vito is tired of waiting for me to come back and throw the ball…

So…

He’s ‘trying’ to train my replacement!

Sadly, I think it’s going to take a while… She’s as liable to eat the ball as he is…

Teething and all that! 🙂

The Grey Man- Update

Now working on book 5, while I’m waiting on feedback from the beta readers on the MilSF novel…

A tease just to prove I really HAVE started writing it…

Prolog

Jesse Miller, now thirty, striking, trim and fit in jeans, boots and one of Aaron’s shirts and Felicia Carter, still small, petite and beautiful, dressed in a casual Spanish skirt and blouse sat on the front porch of the ranch house idly sipping ice tea as the kids and dogs played around their feet. The metronomic crack of rifles punctuated their conversation, but it was far enough away that the kids, other than Jace didn’t even notice it. Felicia sighed, “It’s hard to believe it’s been three years,” Yogi whined and Felicia looked down, “Esmerelda! Stop hitting the dog, please.”

Jesse laughed, “Poor Yogi and Boo Boo. Too many kids, too much going on.” Stretching, she smiled, “Yes, three good years. I’ve got Jace and Kaya, you’ve got Esme and Matt Junior. We’ve been lucky all the way around. Aaron’s loving the sheriff’s department, they seem to like him, Matt is doing a great job managing the ranch, you’ve been a great help keeping two sets of home fires burning and Papa’s about to retire.”

It was Felicia’s turn to laugh, “Well, some fires are easier than others to keep burning. I’m happy here. Matt’s happy too, although I wasn’t sure he would make it through the first year.”

“With Aaron’s retirement, then Matt coming right behind him, it wasn’t easy for either of them. And Matt trying to pick up all the subtleties of running a ranch from a cold start didn’t help. Papa spent a lot of time with him, and a lot of hours in the saddle.”

Felicia snickered, “Oh yes, the saddle sores. For the first month, he could hardly walk. His becoming a reserve deputy like you helped him though. It gave him something other than the ranch to focus on.”

“Kaya, stop hitting your brother. Esme, please stop hitting Boo Boo.” Matt Junior, lying in a donut between the two dogs gurgled happily and grabbed handfuls of fur from each dog, prompting both of them to start licking him. Both women shook their heads and started untangling the kids as the shooting stopped, punctuated by a loud, “Dammit!”

Jesse cocked her head, “Was that Matt or Aaron?”

Felicia blew hair out of the reach of Matt Junior and replied, “I think that was Aaron.”

“That means he lost, again. Well, let’s go get lunch on the table.”

***

John Cronin, now in his 70s and winding down his career with the Pecos County Sheriff’s Department, was still the lead investigator. He looked intently at Aaron and asked, “So, run that by me again. This all started at the border?”

Aaron stopped bouncing Jace on his lap, “Yep, he jumped the inspection station at Bouqillas, got ahead of the CBP Tahoe and, as usual, the Greenies at the park entrance were no help. They didn’t even close the gate like CBP asked, so he got on three eighty-five north, apparently hauling ass. Martinez from Brewster County tried to get position to stop him south of Marathon, but he got around him.”

Putting Jace down, he took another swig of iced tea, “Martinez got turned around, took up the chase and followed him through Marathon. Two other officers, not sure who, were coming from the west and the east on ninety, so this guy hooked it onto three eighty-five north again, and we got a call on Law-1 about a green late model Mustang, male Hispanic driving, heading north with a full pursuit behind him. I was in Sector Two and heading south already, Ortiz was about a mile behind me. Sergeant Wilson was ahead of me, but I didn’t know it. We were going to do stop sticks, until I heard Michelle out of the car with her set.”

The old man motioned, and Aaron continued, “So we set up a roadblock at Longfellow Road, pretty much got the entire road blocked for a change.”

Matt and Jessie snickered at that, knowing the area and how flat it was. Aaron looked at her with a hurt expression, “No, really, we did get it blocked.”

The old man growled, “Y’all shut up. I’m trying to get a sense of what happened here.”

Aaron cocked his head, “So, we’re set up, I hear Michelle say she got the strip down, and took out at least one tire. That was about a mile south of us. We could hear sirens coming at us, so we had some pacing.”

Sipping iced tea again, he glanced at Jesse then turned back to the old man, “We see the car come sliding around the curve out there, and slides to a stop. The guy pops off two rounds through the windshield at us, jumps out of the car and stands there with what looked like a chrome plated 1911 in his hand. Ortiz and I both had our carbines on him, but with Martinez, CBP and Michelle coming up behind him, we really didn’t have a shot.” He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed, “Martinez jumped out of his car, yelled at him to drop the weapon and prone out.”

The old man interrupted, “In English or Spanish?”

“Spanish. The guy didn’t and brought the pistol up pointing it at Martinez. He fired two rounds, center of mass and put the guy down.”

“So neither you nor Ortiz fired any rounds?”

“Nope, crossfire issue. Martinez had a clean shot as we were clear of his line of fire.”

Jesse reached across the table and squeezed Aaron’s hand as Matt shook his head, “Way too damn close, bro.”

Aaron shrugged, “Not like we haven’t been there before. I called for an ambulance, but we ended up cancelling it, ‘cause he was DRT. Sheriff Moyer showed up and said he’d already called the sheriff and they would take the case, even though it terminated in our county. We waited until Ranger Boone and his replacement got there, gave our statements and went back on patrol.”

The old man cocked his head, “Clay’s replacement? Yeah, I guess it’s that time. He’s officially retiring in two months. Who was the replacement?”

“Levi Michaels. He apparently was a Trooper sergeant down here.”

Nodding the old man replied, “Yep, good guy. Smart as a whip. He knows the area too, which is a bonus,” he thought for a second then continued, “Did any rounds hit either of our vehicles?”

“Not that we could find. Both Tahoes were clean,” Aaron leaned back, “Oh yeah, and he had twelve keys of heroin in the trunk of the Mustang.”

Jesse and Matt both whistled at that and Felicia looked up with a worried expression, “Why? Why would he?”

The old man rubbed his thumb and index finger together, “Money, Felicia, money. I’m betting he thought there would be a scraper there to get everybody distracted while he eased on through.” Turning back to Aaron he asked, “Anything else?”

Aaron shook his head, “Not that I can think of. Just another day at the office.”

***

Jesse and Felicia had gotten the kids down for naps and were cleaning up the remnants of lunch and washing dishes while the old man, Matt and Aaron sat at the table discussing the morning’s shooting.

Aaron mumbled something that Jesse didn’t hear, but the old man answered, “Old age and cunning beats young and idealistic every time.”

Matt laughed, but Aaron said ruefully, “I know, but dammit, I’m tired of getting beat every time we shoot. Hell, I’m thirty years younger than you are John, I should…”

“Maybe you should, but you haven’t shot out here for sixty years like I have. I know the wind, I know how to read it, and I know what my old mongrel of a rifle is going to do.”

Matt chimed in, “It’s different when you don’t have a spotter. Granted our rifles should be better than John’s, but that local course knowledge obviates any advantage we have through equipment or age.”

Aaron grumbled, “Shit Matt, we’ve been trained by the Marines in one of the toughest sniper courses there is, we’ve been in combat more than once. Dammit, we were a team for what, almost six years?”

Matt laughed, “Yep, and now we’re both retired and living in Texas, out where the wind blows free and the only thing slowing it down is a barbed wire fence in Montana.”

Aaron replied, “I know, but dammit, when my own wife outshoots me…”

The old man chuckled at that, “Well, she’s been shooting out here since she was little and she knows how to read the grass too.”

“Read the grass?”

Jesse dried her hands and stepped over to the coffee pot, “The grass out here will tell you what’s happening and, if you can see far enough, what’s about to happen.” Pouring a cup of coffee, she handed one to Felicia, then poured a second and sat down next to Aaron.

Felicia shook her head, “I don’t think I know of any other dining table that has these kinds of conversations over lunch.”

Matt cocked an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Felicia started counting, “Well, a traffic stop where Aaron gets shot at and a man dies, shooting rifles at what, a thousand yards today? I don’t know of too many people that have their own personal rifle and pistol ranges in their front yards.”

Jesse laughed, “Well, Marines… Duh!”

Felicia rolled her eyes, “I know, I know…” Whatever she was going to say was interrupted by one, then two babies crying and she and Jesse made for the back bedroom to check on the kids.

Aaron took the opportunity to quickly drop his pants and strip off the prosthetic, scratching the stump below the knee and sighing, “Oh damn, I hate getting that damn grass seed down in the sock. That shit itches like hell!”

The old man asked, “How bad is it?”

Aaron cocked his head, “Honestly, I don’t know how much of it is real and how much of it is phantom itching from the missing parts.”

Matt said, “What did Doc Truesdale say?”

“What I just said, partially psychosomatic, part real. Maybe it’s an allergy, and he gave me some cream to put on it. But he’s sending me back to Fort Sam for a consult on the fit. I’m about due for a new leg anyway.”

“What are you going to do about a new riding leg?”

Aaron shrugged, “I’ll figure something out. Eddie’s idea worked pretty well, and the one time I fell off Monday it worked good.”

Matt shook his head, “Yeah, that is one strange horse, butt ugly, hair sticking up everywhere, piebald, bucks you off, then nuzzles you.”

“In other words, Monday as in Monday morning…”

The old man laughed, “Well, that’s one way to name a horse.”

“Well, at least mine isn’t named Devil!”

“Diablo, not Devil.”

Aaron threw up his hands and Matt laughed, “Either or. That damn horse doesn’t like any of us guys. Well, I take that back, he likes Toad, right?”

The old man laughed, “Yeah, talk about babes in the woods around horses. Toad just ignored him, then popped him on the nose when Diablo lipped his hair. I thought sure as hell I’d be shooting Diablo to be able to get to the body in time to save him, but Diablo let him get away with it.”

Jesse came back in the kitchen carrying Kaya, “Remember when he reached across the fence and bit Uncle Billy’s pony tail?”

The old man smiled, “Yep, but I think that was payback for Billy teasing him with the carrots.”

Aaron said, Mr. Moore was teasing him with carrots?”

Jesse laughed, “Uncle Billy was on a health kick, he had a couple of carrots in his pocket and was munching on them as he wandered around outside. He didn’t know Diablo loves carrots. And I don’t think he knew Diablo was right behind him, following him down the corral fence either. He’d made a couple of tries to get a carrot, but Uncle Billy apparently didn’t notice him. Anyway, Diablo bit the hell out of Uncle Billy’s pony tail, took about four inches of it off, and put his butt on the ground.”

Everybody at the table laughed and the old man shook his head, “Yep, thought I was gonna have to hog tie Billy there for a while…

TBT…

Back in the day, when I was travelling my ass off, some of us ended up on the same planes on occasion. The stories about what could/did happen were ‘hilarious’ and most of us had experienced at least a few of them…

Frequent Flyer Travel Corollaries

Or remember the rules and travel’s a breeze…

 

  1. If you drive your car, you will leave from Dulles and return to National or BWI, if you are being met at the destination, you will go to a different terminal (at the opposite side/end of the airport, or an entirely different airport; i.e. LAX vs. John Wayne).
  2. Your flight will be seriously delayed only after you have checked in and checked your luggage, thus trapping you on this and only this flight.
  3. If you board the airplane hungry: and you are sitting in the front; they start serving from the rear. You are sitting in the rear; they start serving from the front.  You are sitting in the middle; they start serving from both the front and rear.  Just as they approach your seat, all service will be terminated due to turbulence.
  4. FAA regulations now require that at least one crying baby on each flight.
  5. If there is only one parent with one baby, they will be seated in the two seats next to you (you will be stuck in a window seat).
  6. If there are two babies on the flight, they will sit directly in front of and directly behind you.
  7. If there are three babies on the flight, you will be surrounded.
  8. No matter where your seat is, it will under the overhead storage bin reserved for fire extinguishers and other gear (including the flight attendant’s luggage). All other bins will be filled, and you will be force to gate check your one piece of luggage (to be next seen three days after you return home).
  9. If you need to work or really need to sleep, you get a pilot who thinks he is David Letterman/Jay Leno and babbles throughout the flight (including the Red Eye).
  10. If you are flying over something you always wanted to see, forget it! It will be on the other side of the airplane, under clouds, or impossible to pick out without binoculars (which were in the gate checked luggage).
  11. After landing, you will pass every vacant gate near anything; finally parking at the most distant gate in the terminal.
  12. If you are late for a meeting, it will circle the terminal twice.
  13. If you are late for a connection, it will circle the terminal twice, pull in to the most distant gate and then wait while a gate agent gets driver training on the motorized gateway (at least 15 minutes, normally 30).
  14. If. you are late for the last connection and will miss your appointment, it will circle the terminal twice, pull in to the most distant gate and then be pushed back to a position on the ramp, then deposit you on a mobile lounge that only goes to the main terminal.
  15. If you are coming home from a long trip and the weather is bad and getting worse, it will circle the terminal twice, go back to the taxi way, sit for two hours (with no information from the cockpit) and only move after the flight attendants advise the cockpit that the passengers are about to mutiny and use the escape slides.
  16. If you actually arrive at your destination and are renting a car, three shuttle buses from every known rental car agency and a few unknown ones will pass before your bus shows up. Then, your bus driver will pretend not to see you or say the bus is full (because everyone has their luggage on the seat next to them).  Thirty minutes and three phone calls later, another shuttle bus will pick you up and proceed to stop at every exit of every terminal in that airport, and then go find another airport and repeat the procedure.
  17. You finally arrive at your hotel to find that because you were late, i.e. after midnight, they have no rooms, and the only room you can find in town, is actually out of town; and well above the allowed expense rate.

So remember, everyone is envious of you getting to go all these exciting places and have all this fun; sit back and enjoy (as long as you are not in an exit row seat that doesn’t recline).

LATE ADDITIONS:

  1. Customer Service personnel will foul-up your flight change or seat change to the point that they must clear the record and re-enter it. Which means you will have no seats on any flight and since they are all overbooked you must standby to attempt to catch any flight.
  2. If you think the regular customers are assholes; try the ones that are in the airline lounges! They make the standard complainers look like Amateurs (actually heard in Red Carpet Club in SFO, “There are people in here with perfume on, make them go away!!”)
  3. The last row filled in the airplane is Row 13. If you request it, you get some awfully funny looks and some strange seatmates.  Something about the Sun is only a satellite that channels….?
  4. Never argue with security. It’s like talking to a wall, even if they understand the language.
  5. A doctor’s certificate is not any good when you have pins in your leg and a halo on; they want you to take it off.
  6. Never, never, NEVER say gun around a security checkpoint (something about gun a car up a driveway).
  7. If a security type drops something, it’s always your fault (i.e. a computer) and they’re not responsible.
  8. Don’t ever take a view screen through SFO security! 45 minutes and a missed flight.
  9. Don’t take anything throught Rome! 2+ hours with no luggage
  10. Don’t use the bathroom near security in Madrid! or Athens!
  11. The competent Ticket agent is always helping the other person!
  12. The line at the ticket counter is the inverse of the time remaining before the flight boards
  13. Also the inverse of the number of people with problems/questions that take forever.

Corollary 1-   Frequent fliers don’t trust any ticket lines

Corollary 2-   Pay for the club, it pays for itself

True Story about a ticket agent

I was trying to get the lowest round trip fare from Washington, D.C. to California and was working through the possibilities with a ticket agent for a major airline.

At one point she explained, “Well, of course, the nonstop LA to Washington fare is higher than the nonstop Washington to LA fare, since the trip is longer.”

Stunned, I managed to ask, “Do you mean to say it’s further from Los Angeles to Washington than it is from Washington to Los Angeles?”

She replied brightly, “Oh, much further!  According to all the schedules, nonstop LA to Washington takes about *three hours more* than nonstop Washington  to LA.”

HOTELS

  1. Watch out for the “Delux” room, that’s the broom closet next to the elevator.
  2. Beware when the hotel says, “why yes we do have a room upgrade for you”, make sure you check the price! ($90 room to $800 room, charged $800 too!)
  3. Never trust management at any Mariott! You can tell when they are lying, their lips are moving.
  4. Never get room service at the Calavari Hilton- Antipasto, Pasta and bottled water $95 US.
  5. Never use anything out of the mini bar! Anywhere, anytime, NEVER!
  6. Holidex sucks!
  7. Best Business Hotels

Hilton Hawaiian Village

Royal Hawaiian

Sheraton Harbor Island, SD

The Del, SD

Downtown Athletic Club, NYC

St. James Club, LA/London

Savoy, London

Claridges, London

Airport Sheraton, Rome

Calavari Hilton, 7th Hill Rome

The President, Downtown Rome

Crown Plaza, F St. DC

Fairmont, (anywhere)

Omni, Atlanta

Hilton, Anchorage

Hilton/Sheraton, Seattle

Fontenbleu, Miami

ADDENDA:

Airline names most frequently heard:

Northleast

Northworst

Useless Air

Delta- the difference between the cost of your ticket and your service

Delta 2- don’t ever leave the airport

Delta 3- don’t expect the luggage to arrive

TACA- take a chance

American- Amwho?  Great airline if you’re a box.

TWA- T-Waaaaah

TWA2- Ten wobbly airplanes

TWA3- Thieves, Whores and Alcoholics

United- Un tied- the bubble gum and bailing wire is coming loose

Ignited- It’s only a “small” fire

the shuttle, if its Thursday it must be _Delta/USAIR/Trump/Leastern_____?

Continental- They don’t call it one pass for nothing!

Continental 2- No wonder Continental Can changed their name, I would too!

Sothleast- They just leave u out.

Morris Air- An airline run by a cat?? At least the milk is cold.

Reno Air- Just a roll of the dice

US AIR- You’re Still Allegheny In Reality- Bring back Piedmont and PSA!!!!

US Air 2-US Scair

Alaska Air- Ever wonder why the Eskimo is smiling?

Peninsula Air- guaranteed to land somewhere

Mark Air- X marks the spot

Ketchican- Catch me if you can

BOAC- British over all Carriers

El Al- Only your seatmate knows for sure

ATI- The name keeps changing to protect the guilty

Turk Air- I’ve seen buses less crowded; with pigs and chickens no less!

FLIGHT ATTENDANT/CSR’s REBUTTALS:

You try serving this garbage and see what kind of comments you get!

Baby-sitting is NOT in my job description, I don’t care how old the baby is!

Just another &^&*) day going to paradise, it would be nice if we didn’t have to put up with y’all.

VIP’s SUCK!!!!!!  With their EGO’s I don’t see how they can get through the door!

?Where do they get some of these people?

What the H*** am doing is this job; I should have stayed a nurse

I wouldn’t date somebody I met on here if they were the last man on earth!

This Galley was not designed by anybody that ever had to work in one!!

No, I don’t know what it is; I brought my lunch.

No, we don’t have any _____ (water of the day), we’re an airline not a yuppie restaurant.

I wouldn’t be a FA today if they paid me $100K a year. (One of the original TWA flight attendants)

I’m sorry sir this isn’t a Seven eleven it’s a 737.

I should have known something was wrong seven years ago, when I broke that mirror during my interview.

When I started this job 5 years ago, I had all my hair and it was black. (Very bald, white headed male flight attendant)

(heard while stepping up to the ticket counter)  Agent 1-Damn, that’s the fourth customers’ ticket I’ve screwed up today! I should have stayed in bed. Agent 2– Don’t worry by the time they figure it out it’ll be too late for them to come back and yell at you, they’ll just yell at the flight attendant.

If I get one more passenger like the last one, I’ll SCREAM!  So you better be nice, or you will never see your bags again! (Hopefully she was joking, either that or this was a Continental Service agent)

After chasing a drunk passenger out of First for the third time, he gave us the bird; one of the girls smiled very sweetly and told him, “That’s not part of your service sir, you are only in coach.”

Overheard at a United ESC office, ”If I get one more of these damn free tickets that don’t convert to a ticket, I’ll shoot the passenger and then go find and dismember the asshole that forgot to put the damn things in the system!”

I think Scott Adams used my flight for his Dilbert cartoons about flying, since I remember those passengers (later found out he did).

If I hear one more passenger say they get better service somewhere else, I’m going to tell them to get the ^%& off and go fly that airline!!!!!!

What DIA really stands for; Done in August??? Done in April? Do it Again!

THAAD…

It’s now ‘someplace’ in South Korea…

What you don’t see is the TPY-2 and control vans, which were on a different airplane…

Nor the reloads, which were on a third airplane.

Supposedly configured in the terminal mode as opposed to the forward base mode, it’s only ‘good’ out to give or take 300ish NM…

If you want a few more details, HERE is the wiki.

It’s setting both the NORKS and the Chinese back on their heels, because the USA IS stepping up and honoring those defense treaties that have been ignored in the past.

It’s a good bet this isn’t the ONLY THAAD unit deployed right now, and you can bet the Navy has their Ballistic Missile Defense (BMD) units on station too.

And if I just reference the wikis, I don’t risk saying something I shouldn’t… 🙂