A little humor…

Posted on by June 16, 2024

To start the week…

Here is the latest from our newly ordained Pope Francis.

Pope Francis recently finished his sermon, ending it with the Latin phrase, “Benedicto Tuti Homini” – Blessed be Mankind.

A Women’s Rights Group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, “Benedicto Tuti Homini et Tuti Femini” – Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The day after, a Gay Rights Group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed Mankind and Womankind and asked if he could also bless gay people.

The Pope said, “Sure.”

The next day the Pope concluded his sermon with, “Benedicto Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Frutti.”

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Eight words with gender-specific meanings

  1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
    Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
    Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
    Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
    Male….. Playing football without a cup.

    3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
    Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
    Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

    4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
    Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
    Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

    5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
    Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
    Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

    6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
    Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
    Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

    7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
    Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
    Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

    8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-mohtkon-trohl) n.
    Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
    Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

    and finally …

    He said….. Why are married women heavier than single women?
    She said….. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

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A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Dakota prairies without water.

His horse had already died of thirst. He’s crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull grey dress.

There’s a calculator in her pocketbook.  She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. ”Well, cowboy,” says the genie,

”You know how I work … You have three wishes.”

”I’m not falling for this,” said the cowboy,

”I’m not going to trust an IRS genie.”

”What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and it looks like you’re a goner anyway!”

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.

”OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.”

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he’s surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

”OK, cowpoke, what’s your second wish.”

”My second wish is that I was rich …. beyond my wildest dreams.”

** *POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

”OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.

Better make it a good one!”

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says,  ”I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.”

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story: If the U.S. government offers to help you, there’s going to be a string attached. 

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Mensa Question

 

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop off.

And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

See answer below

 

 

 

 

 

Get off the merry-go-round.

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The Ocean . . . All You Need To Know

Children Writing About the Ocean. The next time you take an oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.

1) – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)

4) – Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) – A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) – When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

7) – I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

8) – Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

9) – When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

10) – The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)

11) – My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

 

V GER is back!!!

Posted on by June 15, 2024

After eight months, all is well, again!

NASA announced Friday that its Voyager 1 spacecraft, which is over 15 billion miles away from Earth, is again fully operational following technical issues that arose in November 2023.

The agency said it partially resolved an issue in April, but it wasn’t until recently that it was able to receive data from all four instruments aboard the probe.

The four instruments study plasma waves, magnetic fields and particles in interstellar space.

Full article, HERE from Fox.

JPL Pasadena had been troubleshooting since November, and finally ‘kicked’ the right part to get it out of the loop it was in!

Voyager is coming up on 50 years since the launch, and is well out into deep space, well beyond its original tasking for fly bys of Jupiter and her moons.

Amazing that both V1 and V2 are still operating! That is a tribute to the ‘old school’ engineers and scientists that built and programmed them. Kudos to all!!!

Well, well, well…

Posted on by June 14, 2024

It seems the past has critical information on Antarctica…

A study using a whaler’s forgotten aerial photos from 1937 shows East Antarctica’s ice has been stable and even grown, despite some early signs of weakening.

Extreme weather, melting glaciers, and rising sea levels are all indicators that the climate and the world’s ice masses are in a critical state. However, a new study from the Department of Geosciences and Natural Resource Management at the University of Copenhagen reveals a positive anomaly.

Using hundreds of old aerial photographs dating back to 1937, combined with modern computer technology, researchers have tracked the evolution of glaciers in East Antarctica. This area, which spans approximately 2,000 kilometers of coastline, contains as much ice as the entire Greenland Ice Sheet. By comparing the historical aerial photos with modern satellite data, researchers determined the glaciers’ movement and changes in size, revealing that the ice has not only remained stable but also grown slightly over the last 85 years, partly due to increased snowfall.

Full article, HERE from SciTech Daily

So much for the Chicken Little BS… The ice isn’t going to melt ‘next’ year, or 12 years or…

Three sets of studies, by three different sets of scientists, over almost 40 years shows ‘minor’ changes but…

The TL:DR- “They have remained stable or grown slightly in the long term, indicating a system in balance.”

Once again actual research has trumped the climate change agenda and ‘heat death’ of the world due to (insert reason here).

Sigh…

h/t Stretch

If this…

Posted on by June 13, 2024

Isn’t a slap in the face of our troops, I don’t know what is…

The Biden Administration is facing intense criticism after shooting down a proposal to give U.S. military troops a pay raise. 

The House Armed Services Committee’s (HASC) draft of the 2025 National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) proposed a $24 billion pay raise to enlisted U.S. service members. However, the Biden Administration said that it “strongly opposes” approving such a “significant” and “permanent” pay raise, citing budgetary constraints. 

On the contrary, the Democratic administration recently just approved spending nearly seven times the amount to fund Ukraine’s ongoing war with Russia. 

Full article, HERE.

Right now, E-1s make $12/hr, assuming 160 hours a month (yeah, right)… E-2s $13.43, E-3s $14.11, E-4s $15.64. It’s not until E-7 that the hourly rate actually gets over $20/hr… sigh

If you use a more ‘accurate’ number of hours per month (240), those rates drop considerably… E-1s drop to $7.98/hr, up to an E-4 at $10.42/hr.

HASC’s proposal was a measly 15% raise for E-1 through E-4s to at least get them a little bit closer to the ‘goal’ of getting them off food banks, WIC, SNAP and other programs so they can put food on the table.

Yes, the federal minimum wage is $7.25 per hour. This rate applies to covered nonexempt workers. The minimum wage for employees who receive tips is $2.13 per hour. The amount of tips plus the $2.13 must reach at least $7.25 per hour.

Last year, with an 8% ‘average’ inflation rate, the military/Social Security got a 5.2% raise, e.g. a loss of roughly 3% against inflation. This year, they are predicting an average rate of 4.5%, and apparently the administration is ‘willing’ to go that high… maybe…

Granted, we know the left/administration/dems hate the military, but dammit, this is NOT the time to be penny wise and pound foolish! Behind on maintenance, lack of new ‘tools’ in all services, and huge issues with quarters on base (contracted and not being maintained properly, what a surprise)…

Where does it end?

 

‘Hearing’ the words vs. seeing…

Posted on by June 12, 2024

This came up yesterday at our work day at the Legion. Imagine if you will, a bunch of grumpy old men taking a break and sitting drinking Navy coffee… 🙂

Talking about the ‘old days’ before everything got transmitted via satellite… There was this antique thing known as ‘radio’, as in AFRTS. It was also transmitted on HF, Upper Sideband- Diego Garcia was 12,579 kHz daytime and 4,319 kHz nighttime. That one, a few of us remembered, having spent time there…LOL

That was how most of us on deployment or at sea got our sports…

That led to a discussion about books. RAH, E.E. Smith, Louis L’Amour, Robert E. Howard, Asimov, Spillane, Zane Gray, et al and how they painted ‘word’ pictures that, in conjunction with our imaginations, put us ‘in’ those scenes.

And it brought back even more memories of my grandfather out in his shop, a radio on listening to either baseball or football. He followed the Yankees (Mel Allen), and listened to Dizzy Dean and Peewee Reese, because he’d seen them play and knew they ‘knew’ what they were talking about.

Another memory was the family get togethers, especially in the fall, when the men and boys would be outside, crowded around one of the cars with the radio turned up to catch the college football game while the women did whatever they did inside the house (after they kicked us out).

Did replace actually going to the game? No. Seeing was always better than hearing the announcers, but the words they used, along with your imagination, could put you ‘there’…

As writers, we should be doing that with our writing. That begs the question, how much is too little, or too much that can put our readers ‘in’ those scenes? I don’t have a good answer, and I believe each writer has to find what works best for them.

I know I tend to write ‘sparse’ descriptions of the situation, environment, and characters, expecting the reader to ‘fill in the blanks’ if you will. I also tend more toward ‘showing’ action and less ‘telling’ what happened. Am I right? I don’t know, but that’s how ‘I’ do it.

What say y’all?

A ‘bit’ petty???

Posted on by June 11, 2024

This one makes NO sense…

Major League Eating announced on Tuesday that Joey Chestnut is unable to participate in the 2024 Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest after he partnered with a rival brand.

Chestnut recently signed a deal with Impossible Foods, a rival of Nathan’s that has launched a vegan wiener.

Thus, Major League Eating ruled that as long as the 16-time winner of the contest has a deal with Impossible Foods, he will not be allowed to compete at the July 4 spectacle.

Full article, HERE from Fox.

Soooo, he didn’t have a contract with Nathan’s, signed with somebody else, and now he’s banned?

What are they afraid of? That he’ll mention his sponsor? How frikken petty is that?

Sigh… It’s…sigh, never mind.

And another ‘petty’ one is, to my mind, the US Olympic team choice to leave Caitlin Clark off the USA team. A lot of folks are trying to ‘justify’ it, one example-

Through 13 games so far, Clark’s 70 turnovers are by some distance the most of any player in the league and her average of 5.4 turnovers a game is well clear of Alyssa Thomas’s 4.3 in second place.

Clark is also shooting just 37.3% from the floor and 33% from three, which is arguably her greatest weapon, and it seems unlikely that the Indiana Fever would command any less attention from opponents on the Olympic stage.

On statistics alone, then, it is difficult to justify Clark’s inclusion; though by the same metrics, Diana Taurasi’s inclusion is even more difficult to explain given she is averaging just 16.6 points on just 37.1% shooting, while contributing fewer rebounds, assists and steals per game.

Full article, HERE from CNN.

Another one I’ve heard is that her fans would pitch a fit if she didn’t get a lot of playing time. Really? So, you’re willing to send all those eyes somewhere else, once again making the Olympic team a ho hum non-event?

Clark, love her or hate her, has brought a LOT of eyes and money to the WNBA this year. Yes, she’s a rookie, she would not have been the first one selected to the team by a long shot.  Four other rookies have been selected- Rebecca Lobo in 1996, Diana Taurasi in 2004, Candace Parker in 2008 and Breanna Stewart in 2016. Note that Taurasi is still on the team, even with her low production…

Oh well, hoist on their own petard, once again…

Ridiculous…

Posted on by June 10, 2024

Apparently the whole Adobe TOS change is real, and totally ridiculous.

Adobe has just changed the terms for subscription applications like Photoshop. Nothing big, just a demand of unlimited use of everything you ever create, forever. Oh, and you’re locked out of your existing work until you agree.

From the Battleswarm blog, HERE.

I guess Adobe thinks since they have the market cornered, they can do whatever they want…

But I’m betting now that the ‘pros’ are getting involved with Adobe trying to access their product, things are going to get interesting and the lawsuits will start coming! Especially from the aspect of NDA type work, and/or classified work done at various locations.

I could never afford to pay for photoshop, so I never went that way, thankfully! I do play with photography, but not that much. Years ago, one of my coworkers found a little freeware program called GIMP that he liked, because he could use it overseas and while at sea to put together AARs and briefs.

HERE is their wiki page.

None of the photo manipulation ‘tools’ are simple (IMHO), but GIMP is free and you can do quite a bit of manipulation with it.

YMMV, IANAL, etc…

Humor to start the week…

Posted on by June 9, 2024

As long as you’re NOT a handyman…

Daffinitions

SKILSAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh shit’.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

CHANNEL LOCKS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXY ACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal!

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used , as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘Son of a bitch’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Veterans…

Posted on by June 8, 2024

Do what it takes to get the job done, then and now…

Maintainers slogging back to the hangar after working on a bird in a snowstorm in Kef, 1983.

To understand a veteran you must know:

We left home as teenagers or in our early twenties for an unknown adventure.

We loved our country enough to defend it and protect it with our own lives.

We said goodbye to friends and family and everything we knew.

We learned the basics and then we scattered in the wind to the far corners of the Earth.

We found new friends and a new family.

We became brothers and sisters regardless of color, race, or creed.

We had plenty of good times, and plenty of bad times.

We didn’t get enough sleep.

We smoked and drank too much.

We picked up both good and bad habits.

We worked hard and played harder.

We didn’t earn a great wage.

We experienced the happiness of mail call and the sadness of missing important events.

We didn’t know when, or even if, we were ever going to see home again.

We grew up fast, and yet somehow, we never grew up at all.

We fought for our freedom, as well as the freedom of others.

Some of us saw actual combat, and some of us didn’t.

Some of us saw the world, and some of us didn’t.

Some of us dealt with physical warfare, most of us dealt with psychological warfare.

We have seen and experienced and dealt with things that we can’t fully describe or explain, as not all of our sacrifices were physical.

We participated in time-honored ceremonies and rituals with each other, strengthening our bonds and camaraderie.

We counted on each other to get our job done and sometimes to survive it at all.

We have dealt with victory and tragedy.

We have celebrated and mourned.

We lost a few along the way.

When our adventure was over, some of us went back home, some of us started somewhere new and some of us never came home at all.

We have told amazing and hilarious stories of our exploits and adventures.

We share an unspoken bond with each other, that most people don’t experience, and few will understand.

We speak highly of our own branch of service and poke fun at the other branches.

We know, however, that, if needed, we will be there for our brothers and sisters and stand together as one, in a heartbeat.

Being a veteran is something that had to be earned, and it can never be taken away.

It has no monetary value, but at the same time, it is a priceless gift.

People see a veteran and they thank them for their service.

When we see each other, we give that little upwards head nod, or a slight smile, knowing that we have shared and experienced things that most people have not.

So, from myself to the rest of the veterans out there, I commend and thank you for all that you have done and sacrificed for your country.

Try to remember the good times and make peace with the bad times.

Share your stories.

But most importantly, stand tall and proud, for you have earned the right to be called a veteran.

Who had…

Posted on by June 7, 2024

Flying spiders on their bingo cards???

Enormous, invasive Joro spiders could spread across the Northeast, a study says. And they’re not expected to disappear anytime soon.

Since their initial sightings in Georgia in 2013 and 2014, their population in the state and other regions of the Southeast has expanded.

In the study, researchers from Clemson University determined that the species is fast expanding outside South Carolina, and data suggests they may be found in most of the eastern United States.

Full article, HERE from USA Today.

 

Yes, the females do grow to 4 inches across, but they don’t ‘fly’ when they’re that big. And the males are much smaller and less ‘colorful’…

And there is much panic about them…sigh

I’m betting more people will panic walking through a spider web than they will by seeing one, or being bitten. They are venomous, but it’s apparently about like a bee sting, so less dangerous than the brown recluse.

They seem to be centered in Georgia, probably came in via the port of Savannah, and are moving up the east coast. So y’all have fun with that (yay for a prevailing wind from the west)!

Oh yeah, and they supposedly ‘thrive’ in an urban environment…