Better than the news cycle…
Oops…
A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon. When it’s almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle. One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off. Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional clock maker. The man goes to the shop and has the clock maker set his watch to the correct time. He tells the clock maker what he does for a living and that it is important that his watch keeps correct time. The clock maker tells him that he needn’t worry because he set his watch by the clocks in the back and that he can be sure that they’re on time because he sets them every Sunday when the church bells ring at 6am.
The man leaves the shop but starts to ask himself how does the church know exactly when it is 6am? So he goes to the church and finds the bell ringer and asks him how does he know when to ring the bells and how does he make sure that he has the correct time. The bell ringer tells him that he rings the bells right when his watch strikes 6am and he’s sure his watch is correct because he checks it every day at noon when the factory goes on break.
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We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter…snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte!!
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.
All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about’ what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing, she too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem, both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down,. Or Perhaps that should be ‘pants down’.
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno’s comment….. ‘This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.’ Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
And I gotta agree with this menu ‘add’…
