Snerk…

Posted on by July 22, 2017

These came over the transom from the mil-email string…

Rev beat me to it on Friday, HERE, but I still don’t have anything better to offer… sigh

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A JOKE WITH A RHETORICAL QUESTION???

Some of these are good, some of them are GREAT!

-Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
-My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings.
-I’m giving up spray deodorants at the end of the year. Roll on 2018.
-I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
-Bought a litre of White Out yesterday. Huge mistake.
-Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half.
-I’ve started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
-Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said I’d been Tolkien in my sleep
-I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
-I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
-I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
-Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
-I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
-The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
-Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
-Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
-Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam program I’ve seen in a long time.
-My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive” but it’s hard without him.
-Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
-I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
-I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
-A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.
-I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
-I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
-A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
-I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.
-I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
-I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
-What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
-eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
-My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
-My first job was working in an orange juice factory but I got canned, couldn’t concentrate.
-Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
-Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
-I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
-Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.
-My wife’s working in a bowling alley. Ten pin? No, permanent.
-I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
-I thought my wife was joking when she said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop singing ‘I’m A Believer’. Then I saw her face.
-I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
-How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
-My math teacher called me average. How mean!
-Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
-I’ve just written a song about tortillas… actually, it’s more of a rap.
-A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
-Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
-I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I’ve got some leads.
-If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
-Did you know that owls can’t breed in the rain? It’s too wet to woo.
-If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you’d have a small medium at large.
-When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down.
-What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
-Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome. Mum: Is it common? Dad: It’s not unusual.
-Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
-Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
-I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.
-I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around. And that’s what it’s all about.
-My computer’s got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.
-If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.
-Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

Dazzle paint…

Posted on by July 22, 2017

Haven’t done one of these in a while, but I went down a rathole doing some research, so you get a post with pictures… LOL

Determining the range, size, heading, and speed of a ship at sea, before radar was invented depended on visual sightings, or radio signal direction finding.  In WWI, when they started shooting at each other at longer ranges, sound ranging of artillery shots (with an early version of sonar, was added to RDF, but they depended on visual sightings to confirm their accuracy, so navies began experimenting with camouflage designs intended to misdirect observers.

The U.S. Navy Bureau of Construction and Repair began testing ship camouflage, colloquially referred to as “dazzle paint,” during World War I.  The technique relied on reducing the contrast of the ship when viewed from the surface or the air from its surroundings as well as the contrast of one section of the ship from another.

The effect was intended to cause observers to misjudge the course, speed, and size of the ship.  The designs included a moderate range of colors (hues), though post-war experiments would demonstrate that brightness contrasts were more important than color varieties.

Each side of the ship was painted with a different design, to add more confusion…

Port side-

Starboard side, SAME ship… with inserts for the upper works.These next three are all starboard sides of different size/types of ships. The first is a ‘smaller’ cargo ship.Starboard side, fuel/oil tanker. 

Starboard side, large bulk carrier.And the Brits were also doing the same thing…

Ultimately, this was OBE with the advent of radar, but it is still an interesting use of trompe l’oeil. And it wasn’t limited to just merchant ships. Warships in WWI, especially the Brits, also used the technique to confuse their opponents.

Tangentially related…

Posted on by July 21, 2017

To yesterday’s post on concealed carry…

VCDL, Virginia Citizen’s Defense League, has a petition up at the White House site for national reciprocity…

This is DEFINITELY one I’m in favor of! You can go to this link and support it! Right now it has a little over 5000 of the needed 100,000 signatures.

http://vcdl.org/Sign-The-White-House-Petition or the direct link to the petition is HERE.

And the verbiage-

Mr. President, you have said many times that you would sign a national concealed carry reciprocity bill. Please urge Congress to pass H.R. 38 as soon as possible!

H.R. 38 will allow America’s 17 million concealed handgun permit holders to carry in every state in the Union as they go about their lives. As the recent shooting in Alexandria shows, crime and terrorism have no borders. Neither should self-defense!

No other group is as law-abiding as concealed handgun permit holders, regardless of which state they are from.

Currently over 20 states, such as Virginia, North Carolina, and Arizona, already honor permits from all other states, without issue. H.R. 38 will simply make such recognition uniform across the nation and will save many innocent American lives!

Depending on what state one is from, or whether they have a Utah or Florida non-resident CCW permit, one can currently get about 37 states worth of reciprocity. But it would be nice, especially for those of us that have family or business in the Blue States to actually be able to protect ourselves in those locations…

I’m reminded of when MD was fighting against shall issue, and DC had just had the Heller decision go against them. The contrast between the number of homicides by gun between VA-DC-MD was startling, to put it mildly. I don’t remember the exact numbers, but VA was under 2/100000, MD was around 3-4/100000, and DC was over 5/100000!

The WAPO actually interviewed sumdood, armed robber, one each, who stated he would NOT try to rob people in VA, because he might get shot!

Sigh…

 

No surprise here…

Posted on by July 20, 2017

Concealed carry permits top sixteen million!

The more interesting fact, the two fastest growing groups are…

Females and Blacks!

Full article, HERE.

The left/MSM keep saying there will be blood in the streets, so we should be ankle deep by now…

BUT, concealed handgun permit holders are extremely law abiding, the analysis shows. The percent of permit holders who are charged or convicted of a felony has fallen: In 2015 it was 0.0123; in 2016 the percent was 0.0092 percent.

Those numbers, just like the numbers of defensive gun uses each year are NEVER in any of the Left/MSM reports…

In other news, Florida has their act together with respect to the veterans and active duty folks!

Florida has fast-tracked concealed-weapons licenses to 82,000 military members and honorably discharged veterans since terror-related shootings at a pair of military installations in Tennessee two years ago. State Agriculture Commissioner Adam Putnam, who along with Gov. Rick Scott helped expedite the permitting process as part of the state’s reaction to the shootings in Chattanooga, Tenn., made an appearance Tuesday to discuss the effort, which has played a part in Florida’s increased number of people allowed to carry concealed firearms… Since Putnam first won statewide office in 2010, the number of concealed-weapons licenses has soared from about 800,000 to more than 1.78 million. Putnam’s Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services issues the licenses. The tens of thousands of active-duty military members and veterans getting expedited permits has come as the state has seen “heavy” demand for concealed-weapons licenses, Putnam said…

Now if the bases would allow carry… sigh

TBT…

Posted on by July 19, 2017

They clanked when they walked…

This 19 minute video is a little hokey, since it was done during the war, and the cameras didn’t really work well at night, but it is a tribute to the Naval Aviators and crewmen that flew the Black Cats in WWII. This particular video was filmed at Samarai, the base on the Bismark Sea.

Having had a chance to talk to some of these gents, I’m still amazed that they not only accomplished the missions they did, but they kept the birds flying AND kept getting back in the airplanes night after night! They also did a number of other missions, including search and rescue, surveillance and anti-submarine warfare… At least that they talk about…

There is a pretty good website, Dave’s Warbirds that has quite a bit of info on the Black Cats, HERE. Including a list of all the squadrons that flew those missions.

h/t JP

Building on success…

Posted on by July 19, 2017

After hitting a high of 82 in ALL of Amazon book sales with The Lawdog Files, and being number one in multiple categories, Lawdog is moving the release of the Africa stories up (well, his publisher is), which is leading to much high hovering, etc… LOL

And Peter Grant, who grew up in South Africa, is writing the forward for this one! This should be good! 🙂

I read the rough last night, and all the ‘good’ stories are there, plus a few you might not have seen… It’s available for pre-order, with a rollout planned for the 10th of August.

This is the ‘approved’ cover.  Click on it to get your pre-order in, and lets drive Lawdog up the walls again! 🙂

The Blurb-

LawDog had the honor of representing law and order in the Texas town of Bugscuffle as a Sheriff’s Deputy, where he became notorious for, among other things, the famous Case of the Pink Gorilla Suit. But long before he put on the deputy’s star, he grew up in Nigeria, where his experiences were equally unforgettable, and in most cases, every bit as funny. In THE LAWDOG FILES: AFRICAN ADVENTURES, LawDog chronicles his encounters with everything from bush pilots, 15-foot pythons, pygmy mongooses, brigadier-captains, and Peace Corp hippies to the Nigerian space program.

THE LAWDOG FILES: AFRICAN ADVENTURES are every bit as funny as the previous volume, as LawDog relates his unforgettable experiences in a laconic, self-deprecating manner that is funny in its own right. Africa wins again, and again, and again, but, so too does the reader in this sobering, but hilarious collection of true tales from the Dark Continent.

As he reminded me, his stories like mine don’t contain actual people’s names… Contrary to what some folks say… Just sayin…

I had a rant ready to go…

Posted on by July 18, 2017

But this comment from another forum is MUCH better, and with links even…

I didn’t turn the text black like I normally do, to indicate it’s not MY writing, but in this case, the links are worth it.

BACKLASH: RIGHT WING TWITTER BEGINS DIGGING FOR DIRT ON CNN EMPLOYEES. “This is not the world I want to live in,” one of Ace of Spades’ co-bloggers writes, and I concur. “When I first saw that they’d embarrassed this guy, I laughed. I thought he was an on-air personality and at least a minor political player. After I realized he was just an editor, I cringed a little. I can’t bring myself to endorse it, but neither can I condemn it. This is what they’ve done to time and time again us and they won’t stop. What alternative is there?… This is only the beginning of an ever-growing pushback, one that’s only going to get nastier and more ugly. And everything that happens is on them. This is the rotten, worm infested harvest they have sown and they’re going to be choking on it for some time to come.”

As Ace himself warned the media last November, a week after Trump won, this backlash was coming. “You dominate this culture. You made the rules. You now get to live in the savage world you made brick-by-brick, media…The media loves to ride the tiger of Mob Hatred when that tiger is devouring a plebeian. Well, sometimes the tiger bucks, old chaps.”

Related: Regarding their actual news coverage, or the lack thereof, “Our Corrupt Media Is Now Haunted By All The Precedents They Set While Colluding With Obama.”

Posted at 5:22 pm by Ed D.

Between this, and the ongoing issues with the health care debacle, one questions where we are going to end up. Feel better that all the congresscritters and their minions have their own ‘special’ medical care, and apparently NO intention of giving it up???

Neither do I. My gut feeling is that the crap going on inside the beltway, aided and abetted by the MSM, is driving John Q. Public toward getting term limits on the ballots for 2018, and/or recall elections for their critters. OR WORSE…

We’ve already seen the shooting of Scalise and the others, who is next? Because we all know it’s coming. It’s just a matter of time. There is absolutely NO way to protect 535 individuals, unless they are sequestered, and that would make for an even bigger target for some crazy to go for.

Now add in the perspective of someone who has lost medical care for someone close, especially if it’s a child, due to the inaction inside the beltway, as they play their fun and games on both sides of the aisle. What do you think their reaction is going to be, if they have given up all hope? Are they going to strike out, and at whom? Rand Paul? Ted Cruz? Chuckie Schumer? Pelosi? Or???

I don’t have a clue, but I’d say to the congresscritters, if you value getting re-elected, much less your lives, you just ‘might’ want to think about unscrewing the health care mess before it totally collapses. Right now, it’s all on the Dems, led by Pelosi and Schumer, but anger is anger, and everything I’m hearing at the ‘street’ level is folks are getting well and truly pissed!

I have a suggestion for you congresscritters, DO YOUR F’ING JOBS we sent you there to do, stop playing BS politics…

YMMV, IANAL, I sure as hell don’t play one on TV, and I managed to get this post up without any four letter words…

Your thoughts/comments?

Huh… Didn’t know that…

Posted on by July 15, 2017

I was reviewing sales last night, and noticed I am picking up a few readers from foreign countries…

Canada, Britain, Australia I can understand, but two new ones, India and Germany have popped in. There aren’t a lot of readers, but there are at least a few.

If you are a foreign reader, I thank you and I hope you enjoyed the book or books you read! And for those in India and Germany, I apologize for not having books in your native languages, that is just beyond my capability right now.

Lawdog’s book!!!

Posted on by July 16, 2017

The horse is already out of the barn, and has been since Friday, and the book is already showing up as a bestseller, but here we go anyway…

Is out!!! Lawdog has finally been coerced into the author world!

Click the image to get your copy! I’ve read it, and it’s by turns hilarious, poignant, and thought provoking.  I’d read some of these over the years on TFL, but it’s nice to have the WHOLE collection in one place (FINALLY)…

The Blurb-

LawDog had the honor of representing law and order in the Texas town of Bugscuffle as a Sheriff’s Deputy, where he became notorious for, among other things, the famous Case of the Pink Gorilla Suit. In THE LAWDOG FILES, he chronicles his official encounters with everything from naked bikers, combative eco-warriors, suicidal drunks, respectful methheads, prison tattoo artists, and creepy silent children to six-foot chickens and lethal chihuahuas.

THE LAWDOG FILES range from the bittersweet to the explosively hilarious, as LawDog relates his unforgettable experiences in a laconic, self-deprecating manner that is funny in its own right. The book is more than mere entertainment, it is an education in two English dialects, Police and Texas Country. And underlying the humor is an unmistakable sympathy for society’s less fortunate – and in most cases, significantly less intelligent – whose encounters with the law are an all-too-frequent affair.

Don’t start it unless you have time to finish it before bed… Just sayin!

And if you’ve already got it, he’d appreciate an honest review.

Project much???

Posted on by July 15, 2017

Ah, the inevitable one star review showed up for The Morning the Earth Shook…

And I quote-

Sorry, but this is just a load of far right nonsense and fits nicely with anyone that shares the current administration’s world view of America being overrun by immigrants, foreigners and liberals. Much of the same hyperbol that existed when certain groups of conservatives were advocating for Texas succeeding from the US while Obama was president. To be fair, I didn’t finish this angry screed so maybe Mr. Curtis toned down his rhetoric after a while. An interesting concept it’s just too bad that Mr. Curtis decided to use it as a soapbox to attack those that do not share his political views. 

I find it interesting that the reader never even finished it, but only read ‘some’ part of the novella. I hope this unsatisfied reader got his money back.

Angry screed? Really? I did nothing more than base the whole premise on what can be found in open literature on what the left would ‘like’ to do with California, and what a contingency plan for getting out of a bad location anywhere in the world might look like, from the Navy and Marine side of the equation. Do such plans exist? Hell yes… Just sayin’…

I know I can’t please everyone, and I’m not an SJW by any means. Anybody that reads my stuff knows that I am a patriot and conservative. But I DO respect everyone’s right to their opinion, and the ability to express it. So I won’t protest the review, nor will I ask for it to be taken down.