Rather than a rant on the current BS going on, I give you humor…
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know we obviously don’t have the money to pay them?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder…….
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’
Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s ass.’
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed when they know they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on……
Do illiterate people really get to enjoy Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
And just for S&Gs…
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, “Honey, would you have sex with me?”
Horrified, she replies, “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”
“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?” he asks, grinning at her.
“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”
“Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!” >> “No way. It’s just too risky!”
“Oh please, please, I love you so much!”
“No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!”
“Oh yes you can. Please?”
“No, no. I just can’t”
“I’m begging you…”
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s older sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice, she says: “Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it… or if need be mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God’s sake, tell him to take his hand off the intercom!”
