A few of my favorite things…

Many thanks to the fine folks at Panhandle-Plains Historical Museum for hosting us yesterday and allowing us access for some research for upcoming novels.

A few pictures…

S&W Americans and a Schofield-

A pair of S&W Americans. The top one is engraved and probably plated after modification, it’s an original ‘American’. The bottom one is a ‘New American’, later production. Both have ivory grips. Notice the difference in the humpbacks above the grips.

The engraved one has had the barrel cut two inches and a new sight installed…

AND the engraved one was converted from what appeared to be .44 caliber to a .22 with sleeves that were (we think) welded in!!!

This is a military Schofield, last patent date 1873. Left and right views.

And the stamping on the left grip, 1876 and a set of fine script initials. The initials belong to LT James Rockwell Jr a government inspector from 1874-76. (h/t Not Clausewitz)

Lastly, one in ‘slightly’ worse shape…

This is one of those “I gotta have a gun” guns… Farm/ranch ‘fixing’ at it’s best…

Currently missing trigger and pin, carved wooden grip, overwrap with old telephone wire, barrel is held on by nut/bolt from somewhere, and it’s fired some ‘hot’ rounds based on the gas marks on the barrel in front of the cylinder…

In answer to an emailed question, yes you could have fired it by simply pulling the hammer back and dropping it.

Again, thanks for the access and extending your expertise!

Brands anyone???

The surround of the main entrance to the Panhandle Plains Museum…

And before you ask, no, I DON’T have a list of them (working on it)…

Pictures coming after I get back…

 

Out of pocket…

Doing that museum thingie again…

Panhandle Plains in Canyon, TX. Go read the folks on the sidebar, maybe I’ll get some pics up later, depending.

But I’ll leave you this one- Red sky at night, sailor’s delight!

Net Humor…

THOUGHTS ON AGING

-You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.
-You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn’t do anything the night before.
-The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
-Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
-It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
-You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
-Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
-When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
-You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can’t remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.
-Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
-You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
-The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
-Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?
-You know you’re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
-Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
-By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
-Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
-A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
-You know you’re into middle age when you realise that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

YMMV, IANAL, I don’t know where I was going with this…

Navy ‘Stuff’…

This week is something a bit different…

The Mosquito Fleet, AKA PT (Patrol Torpedo) boats. Specifically the WWII variants.

The original concept goes back to the 1890s, then called Torpedo Boats. In WWI, the Brits designed what they called Motor Torpedo Boats (MTBs), of which the US version is a lineal descendent.

PT 105 and sisters underway off the East Coast.

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo NH 97974 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

Three main competitors for the PT boat contracts (all of whom built at least some boats) were Higgins Industries, out of New Orleans, LA,  Electric Launch Company (Elco), out of Bayonne, NJ, and Huckins Yachts out of Jacksonville, FL. Higgins was already heavily into government contracting with their LCVP or ‘Higgins’ landing craft.

Various lengths and designs were proposed, and tested, with the designs ‘settling’ around a 76-80 foot boat, powered by three Packard 2500 marine engines. The ‘standard’ equipment was four MK-8 torpedos (later upgraded to the MK-13), two MK-18 21inch launchers, two .50 caliber machine guns and 2-6 Mk-6 depth charges. The ‘stated’ required speed was 32kts loaded.

They operated in the Mediterranean, off Europe, off the US, the Panama Canal, and the western Pacific. The total numbers built were, Elco- 326,  Higgins- 199, and Huckins- 18 (they were a late entry). There were slight differences between the different manufacturers, as indicated here-

from hnsa.org 1945 training handout

The original concept was to use them as an anti-ship weapon, primarily at night. However, this led to problems without good lighting to allow the PT crews to see their targets. Eventually most of the PTs were fitted with Raytheon SO radar, which had about a 17 nm range. This allowed them to upgrade their tactics and immensely improved their kill ratios.

Bonus points if you recognize this Lieutenant…

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo 80-G-14252 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

In 1942/43  PT boats at Guadalcanal were given credit for several sinkings and successes against the Tokyo Express (Japanese resupply missions). Several times the presence of PTs disrupted heavily escorted Japanese resupply activities.

In both the Med and Pacific, a primary function of the PTs were to sink the supply barges run in shallow water by both the Germans and Japanese. This was done by removing the torpedo tubes (ineffective against shallow draft targets) and installing more and heavier guns. John F. Kennedy actually commanded one of the original version of this in the Pacific, PT- 59.

Of course one can’t not mention PT-109…

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo 306-ST-649-9 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

I’m not going into detail on that, if you don’t know the story, just search PT-109.

Often forward deployed, the conditions, at least in the SW Pacific, weren’t always the best…  PT-66 (MTBRON-8) Morobe PT Boat Base, New Guinea. Note the camouflage netting strung behind the boat.

U.S. Navy bureau of Ships – Official U.S. Navy photo 80-G-53844 from the U.S. Navy Naval History and Heritage Command

Another problem, actually one of the bigger ones for PT boats were aircraft attacks. With almost no armor plate, they were very vulnerable to attack. A number of boats were lost to friendly fire also.

One note on engines- The Packard Corporation actually built aircraft engines among other things, and the original engines submitted for the trials were upgraded WWI Liberty aircraft engines! There were three upgrades during the war, the 4M-2500 initially generated 1200 hp three of them roughly equaling the power of a Boeing B-17 bomber. It was subsequently upgraded in stages to 1500 hp , allowing a designed speed of 41 knots. The 5M-2500 introduced in late 1945 had a larger supercharger, aftercooler, and increased power output of 1850 hp. It could push fully loaded boats at 45 to 50 knots. However, fuel consumption of any version of these engines was exceptionally heavy. A PT boat carried 3,000 gallons of 100 octane aviation fuel, enough for a  boat to conduct a maximum 12-hour patrol at 23kts/200 gallons hour. At 32+kts/500 gallons hour generated only 6-hours. Hull fouling (BIG problem in the South Pacific) and engine wear both decreased top speed and increased fuel consumption.

The other missions PT boats fulfilled were lifesaving, anti-shipping during the D-Day invasion, mines and smoke screens, air-sea rescue operations, rescue shipwreck survivors, destroying floating mines, and intelligence or raider operations, depending on the PT’s theater of operations.

Very few PT boats remain, one is PT658, out of Oregon, totally rebuilt by volunteers and seaworthy! She is in her as accepted condition as of July 31, 1945. Simply amazing…

Creative Commons, Jerry Gilmartin and Don MacDonald, May 2011

Lastly, we have PT-305, housed in the National WWII Museum in New Orleans…

She is now seaworthy and available for rides on Lake Ponchartrain starting in April 2017.

Peripatetic Engineer has a post up HERE, with PT-305 actually underway on her own power!

For more information, you can go HERE

Continue reading

Vito and the Baby…

Vito is tired of waiting for me to come back and throw the ball…

So…

He’s ‘trying’ to train my replacement!

Sadly, I think it’s going to take a while… She’s as liable to eat the ball as he is…

Teething and all that! 🙂

The Grey Man- Update

Now working on book 5, while I’m waiting on feedback from the beta readers on the MilSF novel…

A tease just to prove I really HAVE started writing it…

Prolog

Jesse Miller, now thirty, striking, trim and fit in jeans, boots and one of Aaron’s shirts and Felicia Carter, still small, petite and beautiful, dressed in a casual Spanish skirt and blouse sat on the front porch of the ranch house idly sipping ice tea as the kids and dogs played around their feet. The metronomic crack of rifles punctuated their conversation, but it was far enough away that the kids, other than Jace didn’t even notice it. Felicia sighed, “It’s hard to believe it’s been three years,” Yogi whined and Felicia looked down, “Esmerelda! Stop hitting the dog, please.”

Jesse laughed, “Poor Yogi and Boo Boo. Too many kids, too much going on.” Stretching, she smiled, “Yes, three good years. I’ve got Jace and Kaya, you’ve got Esme and Matt Junior. We’ve been lucky all the way around. Aaron’s loving the sheriff’s department, they seem to like him, Matt is doing a great job managing the ranch, you’ve been a great help keeping two sets of home fires burning and Papa’s about to retire.”

It was Felicia’s turn to laugh, “Well, some fires are easier than others to keep burning. I’m happy here. Matt’s happy too, although I wasn’t sure he would make it through the first year.”

“With Aaron’s retirement, then Matt coming right behind him, it wasn’t easy for either of them. And Matt trying to pick up all the subtleties of running a ranch from a cold start didn’t help. Papa spent a lot of time with him, and a lot of hours in the saddle.”

Felicia snickered, “Oh yes, the saddle sores. For the first month, he could hardly walk. His becoming a reserve deputy like you helped him though. It gave him something other than the ranch to focus on.”

“Kaya, stop hitting your brother. Esme, please stop hitting Boo Boo.” Matt Junior, lying in a donut between the two dogs gurgled happily and grabbed handfuls of fur from each dog, prompting both of them to start licking him. Both women shook their heads and started untangling the kids as the shooting stopped, punctuated by a loud, “Dammit!”

Jesse cocked her head, “Was that Matt or Aaron?”

Felicia blew hair out of the reach of Matt Junior and replied, “I think that was Aaron.”

“That means he lost, again. Well, let’s go get lunch on the table.”

***

John Cronin, now in his 70s and winding down his career with the Pecos County Sheriff’s Department, was still the lead investigator. He looked intently at Aaron and asked, “So, run that by me again. This all started at the border?”

Aaron stopped bouncing Jace on his lap, “Yep, he jumped the inspection station at Bouqillas, got ahead of the CBP Tahoe and, as usual, the Greenies at the park entrance were no help. They didn’t even close the gate like CBP asked, so he got on three eighty-five north, apparently hauling ass. Martinez from Brewster County tried to get position to stop him south of Marathon, but he got around him.”

Putting Jace down, he took another swig of iced tea, “Martinez got turned around, took up the chase and followed him through Marathon. Two other officers, not sure who, were coming from the west and the east on ninety, so this guy hooked it onto three eighty-five north again, and we got a call on Law-1 about a green late model Mustang, male Hispanic driving, heading north with a full pursuit behind him. I was in Sector Two and heading south already, Ortiz was about a mile behind me. Sergeant Wilson was ahead of me, but I didn’t know it. We were going to do stop sticks, until I heard Michelle out of the car with her set.”

The old man motioned, and Aaron continued, “So we set up a roadblock at Longfellow Road, pretty much got the entire road blocked for a change.”

Matt and Jessie snickered at that, knowing the area and how flat it was. Aaron looked at her with a hurt expression, “No, really, we did get it blocked.”

The old man growled, “Y’all shut up. I’m trying to get a sense of what happened here.”

Aaron cocked his head, “So, we’re set up, I hear Michelle say she got the strip down, and took out at least one tire. That was about a mile south of us. We could hear sirens coming at us, so we had some pacing.”

Sipping iced tea again, he glanced at Jesse then turned back to the old man, “We see the car come sliding around the curve out there, and slides to a stop. The guy pops off two rounds through the windshield at us, jumps out of the car and stands there with what looked like a chrome plated 1911 in his hand. Ortiz and I both had our carbines on him, but with Martinez, CBP and Michelle coming up behind him, we really didn’t have a shot.” He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed, “Martinez jumped out of his car, yelled at him to drop the weapon and prone out.”

The old man interrupted, “In English or Spanish?”

“Spanish. The guy didn’t and brought the pistol up pointing it at Martinez. He fired two rounds, center of mass and put the guy down.”

“So neither you nor Ortiz fired any rounds?”

“Nope, crossfire issue. Martinez had a clean shot as we were clear of his line of fire.”

Jesse reached across the table and squeezed Aaron’s hand as Matt shook his head, “Way too damn close, bro.”

Aaron shrugged, “Not like we haven’t been there before. I called for an ambulance, but we ended up cancelling it, ‘cause he was DRT. Sheriff Moyer showed up and said he’d already called the sheriff and they would take the case, even though it terminated in our county. We waited until Ranger Boone and his replacement got there, gave our statements and went back on patrol.”

The old man cocked his head, “Clay’s replacement? Yeah, I guess it’s that time. He’s officially retiring in two months. Who was the replacement?”

“Levi Michaels. He apparently was a Trooper sergeant down here.”

Nodding the old man replied, “Yep, good guy. Smart as a whip. He knows the area too, which is a bonus,” he thought for a second then continued, “Did any rounds hit either of our vehicles?”

“Not that we could find. Both Tahoes were clean,” Aaron leaned back, “Oh yeah, and he had twelve keys of heroin in the trunk of the Mustang.”

Jesse and Matt both whistled at that and Felicia looked up with a worried expression, “Why? Why would he?”

The old man rubbed his thumb and index finger together, “Money, Felicia, money. I’m betting he thought there would be a scraper there to get everybody distracted while he eased on through.” Turning back to Aaron he asked, “Anything else?”

Aaron shook his head, “Not that I can think of. Just another day at the office.”

***

Jesse and Felicia had gotten the kids down for naps and were cleaning up the remnants of lunch and washing dishes while the old man, Matt and Aaron sat at the table discussing the morning’s shooting.

Aaron mumbled something that Jesse didn’t hear, but the old man answered, “Old age and cunning beats young and idealistic every time.”

Matt laughed, but Aaron said ruefully, “I know, but dammit, I’m tired of getting beat every time we shoot. Hell, I’m thirty years younger than you are John, I should…”

“Maybe you should, but you haven’t shot out here for sixty years like I have. I know the wind, I know how to read it, and I know what my old mongrel of a rifle is going to do.”

Matt chimed in, “It’s different when you don’t have a spotter. Granted our rifles should be better than John’s, but that local course knowledge obviates any advantage we have through equipment or age.”

Aaron grumbled, “Shit Matt, we’ve been trained by the Marines in one of the toughest sniper courses there is, we’ve been in combat more than once. Dammit, we were a team for what, almost six years?”

Matt laughed, “Yep, and now we’re both retired and living in Texas, out where the wind blows free and the only thing slowing it down is a barbed wire fence in Montana.”

Aaron replied, “I know, but dammit, when my own wife outshoots me…”

The old man chuckled at that, “Well, she’s been shooting out here since she was little and she knows how to read the grass too.”

“Read the grass?”

Jesse dried her hands and stepped over to the coffee pot, “The grass out here will tell you what’s happening and, if you can see far enough, what’s about to happen.” Pouring a cup of coffee, she handed one to Felicia, then poured a second and sat down next to Aaron.

Felicia shook her head, “I don’t think I know of any other dining table that has these kinds of conversations over lunch.”

Matt cocked an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Felicia started counting, “Well, a traffic stop where Aaron gets shot at and a man dies, shooting rifles at what, a thousand yards today? I don’t know of too many people that have their own personal rifle and pistol ranges in their front yards.”

Jesse laughed, “Well, Marines… Duh!”

Felicia rolled her eyes, “I know, I know…” Whatever she was going to say was interrupted by one, then two babies crying and she and Jesse made for the back bedroom to check on the kids.

Aaron took the opportunity to quickly drop his pants and strip off the prosthetic, scratching the stump below the knee and sighing, “Oh damn, I hate getting that damn grass seed down in the sock. That shit itches like hell!”

The old man asked, “How bad is it?”

Aaron cocked his head, “Honestly, I don’t know how much of it is real and how much of it is phantom itching from the missing parts.”

Matt said, “What did Doc Truesdale say?”

“What I just said, partially psychosomatic, part real. Maybe it’s an allergy, and he gave me some cream to put on it. But he’s sending me back to Fort Sam for a consult on the fit. I’m about due for a new leg anyway.”

“What are you going to do about a new riding leg?”

Aaron shrugged, “I’ll figure something out. Eddie’s idea worked pretty well, and the one time I fell off Monday it worked good.”

Matt shook his head, “Yeah, that is one strange horse, butt ugly, hair sticking up everywhere, piebald, bucks you off, then nuzzles you.”

“In other words, Monday as in Monday morning…”

The old man laughed, “Well, that’s one way to name a horse.”

“Well, at least mine isn’t named Devil!”

“Diablo, not Devil.”

Aaron threw up his hands and Matt laughed, “Either or. That damn horse doesn’t like any of us guys. Well, I take that back, he likes Toad, right?”

The old man laughed, “Yeah, talk about babes in the woods around horses. Toad just ignored him, then popped him on the nose when Diablo lipped his hair. I thought sure as hell I’d be shooting Diablo to be able to get to the body in time to save him, but Diablo let him get away with it.”

Jesse came back in the kitchen carrying Kaya, “Remember when he reached across the fence and bit Uncle Billy’s pony tail?”

The old man smiled, “Yep, but I think that was payback for Billy teasing him with the carrots.”

Aaron said, Mr. Moore was teasing him with carrots?”

Jesse laughed, “Uncle Billy was on a health kick, he had a couple of carrots in his pocket and was munching on them as he wandered around outside. He didn’t know Diablo loves carrots. And I don’t think he knew Diablo was right behind him, following him down the corral fence either. He’d made a couple of tries to get a carrot, but Uncle Billy apparently didn’t notice him. Anyway, Diablo bit the hell out of Uncle Billy’s pony tail, took about four inches of it off, and put his butt on the ground.”

Everybody at the table laughed and the old man shook his head, “Yep, thought I was gonna have to hog tie Billy there for a while…

TBT…

Back in the day, when I was travelling my ass off, some of us ended up on the same planes on occasion. The stories about what could/did happen were ‘hilarious’ and most of us had experienced at least a few of them…

Frequent Flyer Travel Corollaries

Or remember the rules and travel’s a breeze…

 

  1. If you drive your car, you will leave from Dulles and return to National or BWI, if you are being met at the destination, you will go to a different terminal (at the opposite side/end of the airport, or an entirely different airport; i.e. LAX vs. John Wayne).
  2. Your flight will be seriously delayed only after you have checked in and checked your luggage, thus trapping you on this and only this flight.
  3. If you board the airplane hungry: and you are sitting in the front; they start serving from the rear. You are sitting in the rear; they start serving from the front.  You are sitting in the middle; they start serving from both the front and rear.  Just as they approach your seat, all service will be terminated due to turbulence.
  4. FAA regulations now require that at least one crying baby on each flight.
  5. If there is only one parent with one baby, they will be seated in the two seats next to you (you will be stuck in a window seat).
  6. If there are two babies on the flight, they will sit directly in front of and directly behind you.
  7. If there are three babies on the flight, you will be surrounded.
  8. No matter where your seat is, it will under the overhead storage bin reserved for fire extinguishers and other gear (including the flight attendant’s luggage). All other bins will be filled, and you will be force to gate check your one piece of luggage (to be next seen three days after you return home).
  9. If you need to work or really need to sleep, you get a pilot who thinks he is David Letterman/Jay Leno and babbles throughout the flight (including the Red Eye).
  10. If you are flying over something you always wanted to see, forget it! It will be on the other side of the airplane, under clouds, or impossible to pick out without binoculars (which were in the gate checked luggage).
  11. After landing, you will pass every vacant gate near anything; finally parking at the most distant gate in the terminal.
  12. If you are late for a meeting, it will circle the terminal twice.
  13. If you are late for a connection, it will circle the terminal twice, pull in to the most distant gate and then wait while a gate agent gets driver training on the motorized gateway (at least 15 minutes, normally 30).
  14. If. you are late for the last connection and will miss your appointment, it will circle the terminal twice, pull in to the most distant gate and then be pushed back to a position on the ramp, then deposit you on a mobile lounge that only goes to the main terminal.
  15. If you are coming home from a long trip and the weather is bad and getting worse, it will circle the terminal twice, go back to the taxi way, sit for two hours (with no information from the cockpit) and only move after the flight attendants advise the cockpit that the passengers are about to mutiny and use the escape slides.
  16. If you actually arrive at your destination and are renting a car, three shuttle buses from every known rental car agency and a few unknown ones will pass before your bus shows up. Then, your bus driver will pretend not to see you or say the bus is full (because everyone has their luggage on the seat next to them).  Thirty minutes and three phone calls later, another shuttle bus will pick you up and proceed to stop at every exit of every terminal in that airport, and then go find another airport and repeat the procedure.
  17. You finally arrive at your hotel to find that because you were late, i.e. after midnight, they have no rooms, and the only room you can find in town, is actually out of town; and well above the allowed expense rate.

So remember, everyone is envious of you getting to go all these exciting places and have all this fun; sit back and enjoy (as long as you are not in an exit row seat that doesn’t recline).

LATE ADDITIONS:

  1. Customer Service personnel will foul-up your flight change or seat change to the point that they must clear the record and re-enter it. Which means you will have no seats on any flight and since they are all overbooked you must standby to attempt to catch any flight.
  2. If you think the regular customers are assholes; try the ones that are in the airline lounges! They make the standard complainers look like Amateurs (actually heard in Red Carpet Club in SFO, “There are people in here with perfume on, make them go away!!”)
  3. The last row filled in the airplane is Row 13. If you request it, you get some awfully funny looks and some strange seatmates.  Something about the Sun is only a satellite that channels….?
  4. Never argue with security. It’s like talking to a wall, even if they understand the language.
  5. A doctor’s certificate is not any good when you have pins in your leg and a halo on; they want you to take it off.
  6. Never, never, NEVER say gun around a security checkpoint (something about gun a car up a driveway).
  7. If a security type drops something, it’s always your fault (i.e. a computer) and they’re not responsible.
  8. Don’t ever take a view screen through SFO security! 45 minutes and a missed flight.
  9. Don’t take anything throught Rome! 2+ hours with no luggage
  10. Don’t use the bathroom near security in Madrid! or Athens!
  11. The competent Ticket agent is always helping the other person!
  12. The line at the ticket counter is the inverse of the time remaining before the flight boards
  13. Also the inverse of the number of people with problems/questions that take forever.

Corollary 1-   Frequent fliers don’t trust any ticket lines

Corollary 2-   Pay for the club, it pays for itself

True Story about a ticket agent

I was trying to get the lowest round trip fare from Washington, D.C. to California and was working through the possibilities with a ticket agent for a major airline.

At one point she explained, “Well, of course, the nonstop LA to Washington fare is higher than the nonstop Washington to LA fare, since the trip is longer.”

Stunned, I managed to ask, “Do you mean to say it’s further from Los Angeles to Washington than it is from Washington to Los Angeles?”

She replied brightly, “Oh, much further!  According to all the schedules, nonstop LA to Washington takes about *three hours more* than nonstop Washington  to LA.”

HOTELS

  1. Watch out for the “Delux” room, that’s the broom closet next to the elevator.
  2. Beware when the hotel says, “why yes we do have a room upgrade for you”, make sure you check the price! ($90 room to $800 room, charged $800 too!)
  3. Never trust management at any Mariott! You can tell when they are lying, their lips are moving.
  4. Never get room service at the Calavari Hilton- Antipasto, Pasta and bottled water $95 US.
  5. Never use anything out of the mini bar! Anywhere, anytime, NEVER!
  6. Holidex sucks!
  7. Best Business Hotels

Hilton Hawaiian Village

Royal Hawaiian

Sheraton Harbor Island, SD

The Del, SD

Downtown Athletic Club, NYC

St. James Club, LA/London

Savoy, London

Claridges, London

Airport Sheraton, Rome

Calavari Hilton, 7th Hill Rome

The President, Downtown Rome

Crown Plaza, F St. DC

Fairmont, (anywhere)

Omni, Atlanta

Hilton, Anchorage

Hilton/Sheraton, Seattle

Fontenbleu, Miami

ADDENDA:

Airline names most frequently heard:

Northleast

Northworst

Useless Air

Delta- the difference between the cost of your ticket and your service

Delta 2- don’t ever leave the airport

Delta 3- don’t expect the luggage to arrive

TACA- take a chance

American- Amwho?  Great airline if you’re a box.

TWA- T-Waaaaah

TWA2- Ten wobbly airplanes

TWA3- Thieves, Whores and Alcoholics

United- Un tied- the bubble gum and bailing wire is coming loose

Ignited- It’s only a “small” fire

the shuttle, if its Thursday it must be _Delta/USAIR/Trump/Leastern_____?

Continental- They don’t call it one pass for nothing!

Continental 2- No wonder Continental Can changed their name, I would too!

Sothleast- They just leave u out.

Morris Air- An airline run by a cat?? At least the milk is cold.

Reno Air- Just a roll of the dice

US AIR- You’re Still Allegheny In Reality- Bring back Piedmont and PSA!!!!

US Air 2-US Scair

Alaska Air- Ever wonder why the Eskimo is smiling?

Peninsula Air- guaranteed to land somewhere

Mark Air- X marks the spot

Ketchican- Catch me if you can

BOAC- British over all Carriers

El Al- Only your seatmate knows for sure

ATI- The name keeps changing to protect the guilty

Turk Air- I’ve seen buses less crowded; with pigs and chickens no less!

FLIGHT ATTENDANT/CSR’s REBUTTALS:

You try serving this garbage and see what kind of comments you get!

Baby-sitting is NOT in my job description, I don’t care how old the baby is!

Just another &^&*) day going to paradise, it would be nice if we didn’t have to put up with y’all.

VIP’s SUCK!!!!!!  With their EGO’s I don’t see how they can get through the door!

?Where do they get some of these people?

What the H*** am doing is this job; I should have stayed a nurse

I wouldn’t date somebody I met on here if they were the last man on earth!

This Galley was not designed by anybody that ever had to work in one!!

No, I don’t know what it is; I brought my lunch.

No, we don’t have any _____ (water of the day), we’re an airline not a yuppie restaurant.

I wouldn’t be a FA today if they paid me $100K a year. (One of the original TWA flight attendants)

I’m sorry sir this isn’t a Seven eleven it’s a 737.

I should have known something was wrong seven years ago, when I broke that mirror during my interview.

When I started this job 5 years ago, I had all my hair and it was black. (Very bald, white headed male flight attendant)

(heard while stepping up to the ticket counter)  Agent 1-Damn, that’s the fourth customers’ ticket I’ve screwed up today! I should have stayed in bed. Agent 2– Don’t worry by the time they figure it out it’ll be too late for them to come back and yell at you, they’ll just yell at the flight attendant.

If I get one more passenger like the last one, I’ll SCREAM!  So you better be nice, or you will never see your bags again! (Hopefully she was joking, either that or this was a Continental Service agent)

After chasing a drunk passenger out of First for the third time, he gave us the bird; one of the girls smiled very sweetly and told him, “That’s not part of your service sir, you are only in coach.”

Overheard at a United ESC office, ”If I get one more of these damn free tickets that don’t convert to a ticket, I’ll shoot the passenger and then go find and dismember the asshole that forgot to put the damn things in the system!”

I think Scott Adams used my flight for his Dilbert cartoons about flying, since I remember those passengers (later found out he did).

If I hear one more passenger say they get better service somewhere else, I’m going to tell them to get the ^%& off and go fly that airline!!!!!!

What DIA really stands for; Done in August??? Done in April? Do it Again!

Posted in TBT

THAAD…

It’s now ‘someplace’ in South Korea…

What you don’t see is the TPY-2 and control vans, which were on a different airplane…

Nor the reloads, which were on a third airplane.

Supposedly configured in the terminal mode as opposed to the forward base mode, it’s only ‘good’ out to give or take 300ish NM…

If you want a few more details, HERE is the wiki.

It’s setting both the NORKS and the Chinese back on their heels, because the USA IS stepping up and honoring those defense treaties that have been ignored in the past.

It’s a good bet this isn’t the ONLY THAAD unit deployed right now, and you can bet the Navy has their Ballistic Missile Defense (BMD) units on station too.

And if I just reference the wikis, I don’t risk saying something I shouldn’t… 🙂

Golf Jokes…

Since it’s warming up and there are people starting to play… A little humor!

GOLF HUMOR

-A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! “Help me dear” she groans to her husband. The husband calls 000 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting?” “Don’t worry dear” says the husband calmly “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you. “Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly. “No time at all” says her husband. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through”.

-A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks “What are you going to use on this hole, my son?” The young man says “An 8-iron, father. How about you? “The priest says “I’m going to hit a soft seven and pray”. The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says “I don’t know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down”.

-Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks “Ma’am, is that your husband?” “Yes” says the woman. “Did you hit him with that golf club?” “Yes, yes, I did”. The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. “How many times did you hit him?” “I don’t know – five, six, maybe seven times… just put me down for a five”.

-A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked “Are you a good golfer? The man replied: “Got here in two, didn’t I?

-The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: “What are your golf clubs doing here?” He looked her right in the eye and said “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”

-A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson “You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What’s your secret?” Mickelson replied “The holes are numbered”.

-A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer. When the first golfer gets to his ball, he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss. “I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to yell fore” says the first golfer. “That’s funny” replies the second “you had plenty of time to yell ‘OH, SHIT!”

-Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to the first year medical students. This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked “Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?” She replied “Probably golfing with his mates”.

-A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says “Don’t you see the sign? It says ‘Private property – Stay Out!'” The golfer says “I’m sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?” The man says “It’s in my yard now so it’s my ball”. The golfer looks at the man and says “I understand”. He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard. The man asks “Why did you do that?” The golfer replies “I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe every prick should have two balls”.

-Taking advantage of a balmy day, four priests swapped their clerical garb for polo’s and khakis and took some time out on the golf course. After several shots their caddy asked “You guys wouldn’t be priests by any chance?” “Actually, yes, we are” one cleric replied. “But how did you know?” “I’ve never seen such bad golf and such clean language”.

-One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here”. Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the matter, Jim?” Jim shouts back in a nervous voice “Throw me my 7-iron! You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron”.

-A foursome is waiting at the men’s tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting. Apologetically she says “I guess all those f**king lessons I took this winter didn’t help!” One of the men immediately replies “Now, you see, that’s your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead”.

-Did you hear about the long delays on a golf course outside Washington, DC? Seems like there was a foursome playing that was taking forever to get around the course. The group consisted of Monica Lewinski, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy, and Bill Clinton. According to observers, the problems they were having were attributable to typical problems faced by the novice golfer – Monica is a hooker, OJ is a slicer, Kennedy can’t drive over water, and Clinton is never sure which hole he’s supposed to be playing.

-During his golfing vacation at Martha’s Vineyard President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Scottish born caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies: “Aye, there’s a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver”. The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says “Wrong end”.

-What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball…

-When my doctor asked me about what I did yesterday, I told him about my day: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from a mountain lion in the heavy brush, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake”. Inspired by my story, the doctor said “You must be an awesome outdoorsman!” “No” I replied “I’m just a sh**ty golfer”.

-Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. “Please allow me to help. I’m a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me” she told him. “Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes” the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel?” “Feels great” he replied. “But I still think my thumb’s broken!”

– A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he’d just escaped a tornado. “What’s wrong?” a woman asked. “I just lost a game to Houlihan” the pro said. “What? But Houlihan’s the worst player I’ve ever seen. How could he have beaten you?” “He tricked me!” the pro said. “On the first tee he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes – any handicap he wanted. He said ‘Just give me two gotchas'”. “What’s a gotcha?” asked the woman. “That’s what I wanted to know” the pro said. “Houlihan said ‘You’ll see’. Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out ‘Gotcha!'” “I can guess what happened” the woman said. “Sure” the pro said. “The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball completely”. “Understandable” the woman said. “But still, that’s only one swing. How did he win the game?” The pro answered “You try swinging at a golf ball all day while waiting for that second ‘gotcha’!”