Humor- A little too close to the truth?

For those who don’t know much about history…… here is a Elsie (condensed) version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note:
Most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical workers, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history……. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.

A Conservative will simply laugh and knowing the absolute truth of this history, he will be forward it immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off….

Of note: “Calling an illegal alien an “undocumented immigrant” is like calling a drug dealer an “unlicensed pharmacist.”

Now that was humor… This however was not…

Democrat Billary Rodham Clinton said Tuesday that a mandate requiring every American to purchase health insurance was the only way to achieve universal health care but she rejected the notion of punitive measures to force individuals into the health care system.
Billary was quoted as saying, “”At this point, we don’t have anything punitive that we have proposed,” the presidential candidate said in an interview with The Associated Press. “We’re providing incentives and tax credits which we think will be very attractive to the vast majority of Americans.”

Liberals produce little or nothing, but want US, you and me, to pay for our own health care (and you can bet your bippy, all the ‘disenfrancised’ too)

AT THIS POINT???? WTFO????? This is beginning to scare the hell outta me… Go read ANY of the nurse blogs I’m linked to and they all have a common thread, the freeloaders are taking over the ER’s and everywhere else, demanding their free drugs and basically holding the ER’s hostage. Read below for even MORE chills…

She said she could envision a day when “you have to show proof to your employer that you’re insured as a part of the job interview — like when your kid goes to school and has to show proof of vaccination,” but said such details would be worked out through negotiations with Congress.

ARGGHHHH!!!! Somebody please…please tell me this is all a bad dream and I’m gonna wake up soon… whimper…

New Blog :-)

Go check out Larry Correia’s new Blog…
Larry is well known over at THR and for his company Fuzzy Bunny Guns. This should be an interesting blog if you’re into shooting, B movies and/or Monster movies…

Welcome Larry!

Dark of night musings…

Yawn… It’s 0230, I’m wide awake and bored to tears…

Finished the last of the book I was reading on the airplane, so here I sit, staring at a blank computer screen. This is not good…

Sigh…


Went out on the deck, and promptly came right back in- Shorts and 50 degrees do not mix! I did note how quiet and peaceful it was, not a dog barking anywhere, no lights on in the neighborhood, and a light breeze just rippling the leaves. In a word, peaceful!


Looked up actuarial tables, according to them, my life expectancy is ~80 years… Hmmm… means I’m 2/3 of the way there…


What have I done? Well, grew up, went in the Navy at 19, one failed marriage, retired at 41, got a real job, still working… Two daughters, they turned out pretty good in spite of me…

A few positives over the years, saved a few lives, been a pretty good listener, tried to live a good life, obeyed ‘most’ of the rules…


Still trying in my small way to make a difference, I ‘think’ the systems we are developing and testing are important to keeping the Sailors and Marines alive. I guess this offsets not having a life due to the constant travel and weird work hours, at least I hope so…


A few good friends scattered around the world, quite a few acquaintances also scattered far and wide; I think I have a pretty good professional reputation, other than a total lack of tact… what the hell, can’t win em all…


Called a buddy just now- he was still up, when he answered he said, “Figured it was you.” We talked for about 20 minutes just catching up. Nice to know I’m that predictable???


Lots of memories of different places and people, some good, some bad; I’ve known failure and success, believe me success is MUCH better!


Well, coffee is done, so I’m off to get a cup and try to go back to sleep, perchance to dream…Ha!

The Banister of life…

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember:

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It’s called “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.”
2. Transvestite: A Guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. Difference between the Pope and your Boss: the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is, if you’re in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drinkspilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. Ha Ha Ha!!!
9. My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.”
11. I’m so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told himrabies could be treated, and he didn’t have to worry about a Will. He said,”Will? What Will? I’m making a list of the people I want to bite.”
13. Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters neverpoint the wrong way…

Can I get a translator over here???

Blogger Buzz ブログ(英語)をご覧いただきますとBlogger チームからの最新情報をご確認いただけます

This is what pops up when you try to log into your blog from Japan…

sigh…

ON a brighter note, went to dinner with friends last night over in Hayama, had one of the best Italian meals I’ve had in a long time! Little bitty hole in the wall restaurant right on the waterfront, run by a Japanese family.

The twist is that the daughter is an accompished Chef, graduate of one of the big Italian cooking schools and a certified sommiler…

Of course the menu was totally in Japanese, so we were reduced to going in the kitchen and doing the old point and mime to order!

Antipasto, Penne Arribiata, Veal Scolopini with a good Chianti, then Tiramisu and expresso as good as I’ve ever had in Italy- It just goes to show how small the world is really getting!

Another GOOD read…

A new blogger who I’m going to follow with a LOT of interest is Expert Witness he has one hellva background 🙂 Go check him out!

9/11- Time to move on???

Reading the newspapers this morning and listening to the news has just flat pissed me off…

I lost two good friends in the Pentagon, Retired
Captain Jack Punches and Captain Larry Getzfred. I served with and crossed paths with both these gentlemen from the 1970’s until 2001. I went to Arlington, and stood there remembering these guys like it was yesterday- How good they were with the sailors, how they worked throughout their careers to succeed in the Navy culminating in command tours. Jack had VR-24 in Sig and was well respected and remembered by his sailors, Larry had VP-40 and was very successful during the end of the cold war.

Yet today’s media pushes the idea it is time to ‘move on’ that 9/11 should become a part of our ‘history’ rather than continue to be kept at the forefront of people’s minds…

The media has also come out saying the reports due today on the conduct of the war are biased, some have said the reports are outright lies and some websites have marked General Petraeus as a traitor!

WTF Over? Are the democrats really that desperate? Has the Hate Bush campaign really got that much power?

What about the fact that we have been attacked by terrorists since 1985? Oh well, that was just attacks against the military, so I guess that doesn’t count…

What about the Embassies that were attacked over the years? Same thing…

September 11, 2001 was what woke America up, because the attacks finally came to our shores, and were successful…

We are STILL at war against the terrorists, they are committed to killing us-

The perception of the West as the enemy of Islam is widely expressed in Islamist circles. According to the Islamists, the U.S. and its allies declared war on Islam, which makes Jihad against them a personal duty for every Muslim. The people of the West, as enemies of Islam, necessarily deserve to be annihilated.

If we ‘move on’, what will we do when the suicide bombers are in our Malls and shopping centers, at our sporting events, and bombing our schools? Negotiate???
We listened to General Petraeus’ report along with US Ambassador Crocker today. As usual there were the screamers etc, in the back, who were thrown out. Too bad their punishment does not include being shipped to Iraq to get an up close and personal view…

We thought the briefs were well presented, and pretty realistic. Two of the folks were just back from IA’s in the Gulf, so they were able to verify directly much of what was said.

Congresscritter Lantos questioned the General, using a “media” reference and questioned whether ADM Fallon actually supports the phased mission completion and withdrawal. Huh??? General Petraeus works for ADM Fallon, why would they NOT agree???

Lantos went after Crocker about a diplomatic “surge”, taking a swipe at the administration while using the Congressional diplomatic actions to get observers into North Korea and taking credit for pacification of Libya!

Congresscritter Wexler must have been the designated Democrat hit man, as he called Gen Petraeus a liar, saying the brief differed from the NIE, therefore it MUST be wrong… Lemme see- NIE= a whole bunch of inputs from every agency (half of whom have NO ONE on the ground) vs. one General, who was actually on the ground…

Sigh…

I’m embarrassed by the Congresscritters- The majority could not ask a coherent question if their lives depended on it. Also, when they didn’t get the refutation they wanted, they started going further and further afield…

Oh yeah, Wexler the Heckler got on an absolute rant for a couple of minutes, never did ask a real question, just denigrated the General’s statement and even quoted a Gallup poll!!! Unbelievable…

A friend told me his opinion of Congress was they were acting like the dogs they are-

If they can’t eat it or screw it, they piss on it and walk away…

Come to think of it, THAT is an insult to all the self-respecting dogs out there.

Please, take a minute tomorrow and remember those who died at the WTC, the Pentagon, on ALL the flights and those who have given their lives defending us from further attacks.

Why do we even bother with debates?

In my tiny little mind, I cannot figure out what at least half of the questions asked in the “debate” tonight were supposed to be about, they didn’t have a damn thing to do with being a President-

I think it was media driven to ask provocative questions designed to alienate voting blocks and force candidates to change their known stances on issues or come off looking like a fool. Prime example, asking Mike Huckabee if he believes in Evolution or Creation…

For Gods sake, the man is an ORDAINED BAPTIST MINISTER… What do you expect him to say?????

And then, Dog Blitzer asked a FOLLOW UP QUESTION???? Oh come on….

By the way, can you imagine that question being asked during the Democrap debate???

The other thing I find interesting is the media’s continual broadcasting and disecting of Republican “scandals” and the complete lack of coverage of any Democratic scandals…

This was sent to me as humor, but I think there is a lot of fact behind the humor…

DEMOGRAPHICS OF AMERICAN NEWSPAPERS AS REVEALED BY SUBSCRIBER STATISTICS-

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in colored pie charts.

The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country — if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.

The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country . . . Or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any another country or galaxy, provided of course they are pro gay rights, pro government sponsored gender reassignment surgery, anti military and that they are not Republicans.

The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

The New Orleans Times-Picayune is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it.

sigh…

I’m just grouchy tonight- Another night on the road in another hotel attending another set of meetings that are a repeat of the meetings we had last year… and the year before… and the, well you get the idea.

I really envy those of you who actually have a job that lets you get home at night to your family and sleep in your own bed.

Just Peachy!: As A Parent:

Just Peachy!: As A Parent:

You have to go read Babs comments on bringing up children! Kudos to the Lady for a dead on set of comments. Too bad more people don’t believe the same way! Honesty in raising children and exposing them to the world is becoming a thing of the past.

Miscellaneous Guy Stuff

Well, since I had no where to go this weekend, and the weather has been pretty nice, I talked a friend into playing Golf yesterday, except that he had also been invited to go Dove hunting… so we ended up with a twofer…

Since all the local courses were full, we ended up with an 0830 tee time, about 40 minutes South of DC at a course in Stafford Co.; which happens to be on the way to the Dove shoot, so up and at em at the crack of dark… Load up the golf gear, the gun gear, a change of clothes, hard hat, and blaze orange vest.


Off into the dark of morning I go; and promptly get off at the next exit, turn around and go back to get the ammunition still sitting on the work bench… sigh…


Make the rendezvous with 5 minutes to spare, transfer the load to the Suburban we’re taking, and off we go to pick up the other two guys. We get to the first house, both guys are sitting on the front porch, with the Lincoln loaded with gear-


Now I find out, oh by the way, the golf cum dove shoot has now turned into a family affair with a ‘lunch’ down at the farm, so now we have to take two SUV’s to carry all the crap required…

Oh joy… So off we go, with our mini-caravan heading down I-95 to the golf course, only to have the other SUV call and say they have to stop for gas! Something about the wife’s extended shopping trip yesterday…


Finally get to the golf course and we have 10 minutes to make our tee time- so we jump through our asses, get up to the first tee, and find out the fourth member of the group didn’t bring any golf balls… This is just getting better and better…

Suffice to say, we played a round of flog- not golf. Now on to the Dove shoot! But first, we stop an pick up a bushel of crabs for lunch. Just as we get through paying and load them up, ANOTHER phone call- I-95 is at a dead stop, so the women have decided NOT to come, they are turning around and going shopping; and oh by the way, save some crabs and bring them home for the us and the kids…


Now mind you, I was told this was just a “little ol place down close to the river,” so as we drive in down a country road, to a country lane to a dirt trail, I’m expecting maybe an old cabin, or maybe a trailer stuck on the property.


Nah… this is the Taj Mahal of little ol places… Two story steel building, built out with an upstairs bunkroom, downstairs game room, living room and full kitchen!!! 20 acres of cleared land, shooting platform with skeet throwers, golf driving area, little pond with Koi in it, etc..

Since there are crabs to be eaten, that is first on the priority list, as people get full, the action moved out to the skeet area. I dug out my trusty old Mossy 590A1 18 inch barrel, no choke black shotgun with ghost ring sights, and promptly get laughed at- “You’re not REALLY gonna use that are ya?”

Unless you want to loan me yours, damn right I’m gonna use it! (not like I have a lot of choices here). So one of the guys throws a few birds for me, and I actually hit 2 of 4- (blind hog here- stepped on the acorn)

With a couple of hours to go before any serious dove arrivals, we drug a few other toys out of various gun bags …

Since I happened to have my M-4 along, I put a few down range to check the sights. I was pretty happy with this at 100 yards!

After various and sundry guns had been fired, one idiot dove flew right across in front of the skeet thrower- The poor guy on line tried to change in mid-stream from clay bird to dove, with the expected results… He missed everything, and of course we didn’t let him forget it!


We proceeded to get on line as we had planned, everyone in agreement on sight line, etc… I took my trusty 590 and trudged to the far end of the field (new guy walks the furthest to the worst position). I plopped down on a comfortable stump, rigged up and donned the old hardhat- Why you ask? Well, years of bird hunting in Texas taught me there is ALWAYS one sumbitch that cannot follow rules… He will chase a bird through his zone, the next guys and three counties over to get a shot! While the pellets just sting a little, they are an obnoxious interference when I’m trying to scan for doves.


I start hearing a few shots and see birds in the distance, but none down my way… Suddenly, I see one coming and jinking like he’s got an ME109 on his tail- I come up and shot- feathers- bird is still hauling ass… dammit…


Now I’m really paying attention- One comes out of the tree line high, shot- feathers-and now it dives for the deck and jinks like hell, out of my sight line… 0 for 2 sigh…


Ahhh- here comes another high boy- he’s not jinking… maybe… shot- MORE damn feathers… and he is almost into the treeline, when he falls… FINALLY, 1 for 3


I go pick him up and bag him, and start walking back to my stump when I hear the rattle of spent shot hitting the ground, so I just hunch up and keep walking. Somebody got a little excited I guess.


I plop back down on my stump, and go back to scanning, here comes one out of the treeline, about 10 feet up, I draw a bead, shot- ‘A’ feather- away he goes and the next guy knocks him down as shot rains down again. 1 for 4, that’s IT; I’ve had enough fun and it’s obvious the old 590 just isn’t working out here…


So up the hill I trudge, collecting doves on the way, and finally get up to the Taj… The host wants to know if I want to borrow his son’s 20ga, but I pass. I’d rather sit in the air conditioning and watch golf!


We hear shot rain down on the roof of the cabin, and look out, sure enough, the first guy is 40 degrees beyond his sight line, damn near turned completely around! The host goes out mumbling about car windshields and other things and takes care of the problem.


The others finally come in, we had about 24 doves total, probably 100 rounds fired, so I don’t feel so bad now 🙂 We donated the doves breasts to the little church lady down the road, and off we went for DC.


We finally got back about 9pm, unloaded and the guys got gnawed on by the wives for being ‘late’ with the dinner as I stole out the door and headed back to my place. I pulled in, unloaded the car and realized I was a little hungry, since I had only eaten four crabs all day.

Of course, there were no leftovers, I didn’t want to cook, so the default was a peanut butter sandwich…


Oh the highs and lows of it all…. 🙂