TGI Frikkin F…

Yeesh… Another week from hell…

Short trip, PITA, lousy hotel (anybody tried finding government rates lately???); POS compact rental car and three people plus luggage…

And back at work today spent about six hours in a meeting discussing Proton whistlers, micro pulses, Schumann resonances, and Hiss beams… 

Actually, I spend ‘most’ of the day sitting in the back, leaning against the back wall, balancing a cup of coffee on my lap and trying desperately to NOT fall asleep. Oh yeah, and ‘brilliance’ does NOT mean one can actually communicate…

I am now ‘wired’, have a headache, and have to go deal with physical therapist that trained under De Sade… sigh…

New TDY/TAD Travel requirements…

The latest TDY/TAD travel memo…
 
In keeping with the latest round of DOD budget cuts, changes will be made to the Joint Travel Regulations (JTR). Effective Monday (today) the following revised procedures apply:
 
Lodging: All DOD personnel performing temporary duty (TDY) are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on government business travel. If  weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
 
Transportation: Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all personnel prior to their departure on TDY. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Omaha NE, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to San Diego CA, then travel to San Diego will be substituted for travel to Omaha.
 
Meals: Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Costco, Hickory Farms, General Nutrition centers, and occasionally Safeway often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner. We realize many of you survive your weekends this way.
Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destinations. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should use “all you can eat” salad bars. This is especially effective for employees traveling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. DOD Personnel are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and Musubi (traveling from LANT, Beefaroni) can be consumed at your leisure without the
bother of heating or costly preparation. Cost of these items will not be reimbursed.
 
Miscellaneous: All DOD personnel are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save tax dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods, which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all personnel prior to their departure so that they
may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ballpoint pens will also be available to personnel so that sales may be made as time permits. Proceeds must be turned into the DOD finance section at the conclusion of the TDY. We welcome any suggestions for further fiscal innovations. Remember, “We invite you to be a Waste Buster…”


Not too far from the truth… I’m hearing local travel is basically curtailed, no reimbursement for mileage unless you stay overnight, got to have a ‘senior’ manager/O-7 approval for even local travel…


And they are no longer feeding troops in Afghanistan a hot breakfast… Just frikkin lovely…

I heard it on the radio…


Flight numbers changed to protect the guilty… 🙂

St. Louis approach to United: “United 123 best forward speed to the marker, you’re number one.”

United 123 (male voice): “Roger, balls to the wall.”

St. Louis approach to American: “American 4321, you’re number two behind a United 737, follow him, cleared visual, best forward speed.”

American 4321 (female voice): “Well I can’t do balls to the wall but I can do wide open.”

-Radio silence-

Unidentified Pilot (male voice): “Is American hiring?”

Human Nature…

Oddities, backstories, and other weird things…


Human nature

 During the eighteenth century, books that were considered offensive were sometimes punished by being whipped.

 Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were invented by a Dr. Kellogg in hopes that they would masturbation.

 From 1702 until 1709, the Governor of New York was a spendthrift transvestite. Queen Anne had a transvestite cousin, Lord Cornbury, whom she assigned to be governor of New York and New Jersey. The colonists were not amused.

 In Vermont, USA, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without the written permission of their husbands.

 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle;  if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, then they died of natural causes.

 In Baltimore, USA, it is illegal to wash or scrub a sink, regardless of how dirty it is.

Brian Molony, 24, gambled away $10.2 million obtained fraudulently from a bank in Toronto where he was Assistant Manager.

 In seventeenth-century Massachusetts, smoking was legal only at a distance of five miles from any town.

 In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.

 In 1990 there were about 15,000 vacuum cleaner related accidents in the US.

  American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class. 

  A 1992 study found that the type of item most often thrown away as trash by Americans is clippings and other yard waste.

   According to the ceremonial customs of Orthodox Judaism, it is officially sundown when you cannot tell the difference between a black thread and a red one. 

 November 19 is Have a Bad Day Day.

 In 1990, US college students spent $594 million on cocaine, High school students, however, only spent $276 million.

 Robots in Japan pay union dues.

 The design of a US coin cannot be changed more than once in 25 years without special legislation by Congress.

  Fanta Orange is the third largest selling soft drink in the world. 

 Most of the little schoolhouses in the US of yesteryear were painted red because red was the least expensive paint colour.

  Chrysler built B-29’s that bombed Japan, Mitsubishi built Zeros that tried to shoot them down. Both companies now build cars in a joint plant call Diamond Star.

 Each second, the US Postal Service delivers 200 pieces of junk mail.

    When insurance on ships and their cargoes was introduced in 14th-century Europe, it met  opposition on the grounds that it was an attempt to defeat financial disasters willed by God.

  Runaway shopping carts do $100 million worth of damage to cars in supermarket parking lots in Canada every year.

 In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered to by a physician.

 There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.

 The proper ratio of holes in a salt shaker to holes in a pepper shaker is five to three.

 Until about 150 years ago, churchgoing was required by law in England.

 In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers. 

 If you bring a raccoon’s head to the Henniker, New Hampshire town hall, you are entitled to receive $10 from the town.

  Acting was once considered to be evil, and the actors in the first English play to be performed in America were arrested.

 Martha’s Vineyard once had its own dialect of Sign Language.

   It is recorded that Johann Heinrich Karl Thieme, Sexton of Aldenburg, Germany, dug 23,311 graves during his 50-year career. In 1826, his understudy dug his. 

 Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand.

  It’s illegal to buy ice cream after 6 pm in Newark, NJ. unless you have a written note from your
doctor.

 Placophobia is the fear of tombstones. It is related to a fear of cemeteries and, indirectly, to a fear of death.

 The IRS would need at least 15 3/4 miles of shelves to store the tax forms they receive each year in the US. 

 Barbie’s measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.

 American media mogul Ted Turner owns 1.5 percent of New Mexico.

  Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln’s assassin John Wilkes Booth, and whose shame created the expression for ignominy, “His name is Mudd.”

 The top layer of a wedding cake, known as the groom’s cake, is usually is a fruit cake so it will last until the couple’s first anniversary, when they will eat it. 

  Spiral staircases in medieval castles are running clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the sword because of the difficulties in climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights would have had no troubles except left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil. 

 In 1995 the United States spent $27 billion in preparation to wage nuclear war. It spent $2.2 billion to prevent nuclear war.

 The average time that a man lasts after penetration is two minutes.

 The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is ‘Live Free or Die’. These license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord. 

 Americans spend an average of about $3 per person on Halloween candy. 

 A coward was originally a boy who took care of cows.

 Americans pay over $30,500 in federal, state, and local taxes every second.

 Al Capone’s business card said that he was a furniture dealer.

 As late as 1940, a candidate for the US Naval Academy was rejected if it was discovered that he masturbated.

 More people in the US die failing to yield the right of way than driving to the left of center

 Canadians spend $24 million on coffins and caskets every year.

 Vietnamese currency consists only of paper money; no coins.

 An American urologist once bought Napoleon’s penis for $40,000.

 In the 17th century, Spain boasted that it was free of sexual deviance. When referring to bestiality, Spanish nicknamed it “the Italian vice.”

 The largest funeral ever held was for C.N. Annadurai, Madras Chief Minister in 1969 with 15 million people attending

 Lloyd’s of London has issued insurance policies against seeing a ghost, and being struck by lighting or meteors

 Vermiphobia and scoleciphobia both relate to a fear of worms and all things slimy. 

 A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee.

 Isopterophobia is the fear of termites. Individuals who fear termites may actually fear being buried alive should the termites cause the building in which they live to collapse.

 When Gerber baby foods began to sell in parts of Africa, they continued to use their usual
 packaging, with a baby on the front. They didn’t realise until later that where they were selling it, it was a common practice to help illiterate people buy things by putting pictures on the wrapper of what was inside….

Canada’s most prolific killer, Yves Apache Trudeau, former member of the Filthy Few (Inner Circle of Hell’s Angels)-43 gangland slayings.

 To have sex with donkeys, Mongol men would often tie their hind legs together.

 St. Bernard is the patron saint of skiers.

 At age 16 Confucius was a corn inspector. 

 St. Boniface is the saint that one should invoke in cases of sodomy.

 The most common name in the world is Mohammed. 

 In the 10th century, it was ruled that a cleric who experienced a wet dream would have to sing 7
 prescribed penitential psalms right after the fact and in the morning sing 30 more.

 Studebaker was the only major car company to stop making cars while making a profit from them. 

 St. Stephen is the patron saint of bricklayers.

 According to the Hite Report, candles are the artificial device used more frequently by women when masturbating.

 Michael Tolotos, who died at the age of 80, never saw a woman.

 In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

 The Inca enacted laws to prevent llama drivers from having sex with their animals and enforced the laws be requiring that the llama drivers be escorted by chaperones.

 The most common name in Italy is Mario Rossi.

 Americans spend $10 million each day on potato chips.

 Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego. 

 Chinese lovers, before the days of Mao, were most fond of sex with fowl.

 Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

 It was illegal to sell ET dolls in France because there is a law against selling dolls without human faces. 

 The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.

 The young males of Sambia in New Guinea must perform a ritualised homosexual act with tribe
 elders until they reach adulthood. When they get older, they have sex with women, during which
 they hold their noses with clothespin like devices.

 St. Tertullian called women “the devil’s gateway … on account of you, even the son of God had to die.”

 The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

 The first Eagle Scout west of the Mississippi is buried in San Marcos, Texas.

 Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. 

 St. Augustine had a concubine to whom he was faithful for 15 years. He said that his youth “boiled over in fornication.” He also epitomised a general feeling among church fathers that the act of intercourse was fundamentally disgusting.

 In 1964, a jury awarded $50,000 to a woman who claimed a cable car accident in San Francisco had made her into a nymphomaniac.

 In Michigan, USA, a man legally owns his wife’s hair.

 Pop Rocks, the hottest selling candy ever, sold on the black market in Louisiana for up to a dollar a packet (over 6 times the retail price). Five hundred million packets were sold between 1975 and 1980.

  Everyday at least one passenger is caught smoking in the lavatory flying on a Canadian aircraft.

  St. Jerome said that full grown virgin women should never bathe and should be ashamed of their bodies.

   One punishment for an adulterous wife in medieval France was to make her chase a chicken through town naked.

    In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die. 

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

  The Volkswagen was originally called the “Strength-Through-Joy-Wagon.” 

 According to Archives of General Medicine, coffee drinkers have sex more frequently and enjoy it more than non-coffee drinkers.

 A survey in Cosmopolitan magazine said that foreplay usually last 14 to 17 minutes for the average married couple.

 There are over one hundred offences that carry the death penalty in Iran.

 Anne Boleyn had six fingernails on one hand, but only five fingers on that hand. She had a small extra nail on the side of her finger that she kept hidden with long sleeves.
 Payment for English trial lawyers is considered an honorarium—so there is no legal obligation for clients to pay them.
 Aphallatosis is a mental disorder resulting from a lack of sex life.

 1/3 of Taiwanese funeral processions includes a stripper.

 Kerimski Church in Finland is world’s biggest church made of wood.

 The Dodge brothers Horace and John were Jewish, that’s why the first Dodge emblem had a star of David in it.

 M & M’s were developed so that soldiers could eat candy without getting their fingers sticky.

 Cranberry Jello is the only jello flavour that comes from real fruit, not artificial flavouring.

 Students at US colleges and universities read about 60,000 pages in four years.

 The 1st nuclear weapon `accident’ occurred off the coast of British Columbia on Feb 13 1950 when a bomb was dropped 8000 feet into the water, the device presumably remains there still.

 20 million Americans watch pornography annually.

 The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was
 built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

 Don’t get caught chewing gum in Singapore. For this horrible offence, you could be fined $6,250 or spend a year in jail.

 The original IBM punchcard is the same size as a Civil War era dollar bill.

 Worldwide, there are more statues of Joan of Arc than of anyone else. France alone has about 40,000 of them.

 The light bulbs in the New York Subway system screw in clockwise and screw out counter-clockwise, the reverse of traditional light bulbs. This is so that people who steal them can’t use them.

 50% of bank robberies take place on Friday’s

 There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

 Approximately 2,500 left-handed people die each year in accidents involving products designed for right-handed people.

 95% of food-poisoning cases are never reported.

 Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.

 The tailless dinner jacket was invented in Tuxedo Park, New York. Thus it is called the “tuxedo dinner jacket” and is named after the town…not the other way around.

 Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.

 Kentucky produces more whiskey than any other US state combined.

 Neck ties were first worn in Croatia. That’s why they were called cravats (CRO-vats).

 Almost a quarter of the land area of Los Angeles is taken up by automobiles.

 At McDonalds in New Zealand, they serve apricot pies instead of cherry ones.

 The St. Louis Gateway Arch had a projected death toll while it was being built. No one died.

 The royal house of Saudi Arabia may at present have as many as 5,000 princes and an equal number of princesses. King Abdul Aziz Ibn Saud, who ruled from 1932 until death in 1953, had
300 wives.

 The last NASCAR driver to serve jail time for running moonshine was Buddy Arrington.

 World’s largest cheese – Perth Ontario, 1893. 28 ft. in circumference, 6 ft. tall, 11 tons.

 The date of Easter is determined by taking the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring equinox. 

     The oceans receive fourteen billion pounds of waste from merchant shipping every year.

 The largest school in the world is a k-12 school in the Philippines, with an enrollment of about 25,000.

 Polls show that 75% of American adults do not know that antibiotics kill bacteria but not viruses.

 There are 18 doctors in the US called Dr. Doctor, and one called Dr. Surgeon. There is also a dermatologist named Dr. Rash, a psychiatrist called Dr. Couch and an anesthesiologist named Dr. Gass. And at least one dentist named Dr. Pain.

 It’s bad luck to get married when the fish aren’t biting, according to the custom of some fisherfolk.

 Every year, Americans dispose of 1.6 billion pens, 2 billion razors and blades, 18 billion diapers and 30 billion steel and tin cans. They are all sitting in landfills somewhere.

 The “thumbs up” sign, signifying everything is ok, and used in many ads in the United States, has an offensive meaning in many eastern European countries.

 Computer Crime adds up to more than 10 billion dollars per year.

 Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno mag.

 The word “girl” appears only once in the Bible. 

 According to author Tom Heymann, on an average day 1,924 businesses are incorporated, 168 businesses fail, 6,082 complaints are received by the Better Business Bureau, nine corporate mergers occur, and five companies change their names.

 Before Prohibition, Shlitz Brewery own more property in Chicago than anyone else, except The Catholic Church.

 The world’s largest K-Mart is on the island of Guam.

 Americans spend $300 million on clothes every day! 

 The Foreign Exchange market never closes – it simply follows the sun from Tokyo to London to New York, and back to Tokyo again.

 One superstition to get rid of warts involves rubbing a peeled apple and giving it to a pig.

 Amber (fossilized pine resin) was thought by some in ancient times to be solidified sunshine and by others to be the petrified tears of gods.

 Buddhism is the fastest growing religion in Ireland. 

 A nursing home in Texas must comply with the rules and regulation of 15 agencies.

 The new IRS employee manual includes provisions for collecting taxes in the aftermath of a nuclear war.

 All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted black, unless they belong to a high official.

 There’s a temple in Sri Lanka dedicated to a tooth of the Buddha.

 The real name of the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” lady is Edith Fore.

 The current market value of a pap smear from Marilyn Monroe is $200,000.

 The scar on Al Capone’s scar was the result a gash he received from the brother of a girl he had insulted.

 If Americans reduced their meat intake by 10 percent, the savings in grains and soybeans would feed 60 million people, which is the number of people who starve worldwide each year.

 The dunce cap of schoolhouse fame originates from a paper cone that was placed on the heads of accused witches during the Middle Ages. When Joan of Arc was martyred, she was wearing one of them.

 The Twelve Days of Christmas represent the length of time that the three wise men from the East took to reach the manger of Jesus Christ after his birth. Their arrival on the twelfth day was celebrated in the form of the Feast of Epiphany in medieval France, and later in other countries.

 According to Matt Groening, a dog with seven toes can see ghosts.

 Homicide in the workplace is now the fastest growing form of murder. The increase in mass murders in offices in the last 10 years is about 200-300 percent. People to fear the most: middle aged, white males who are loners, angry, paranoid, and guarded.

 In the Mass of the Independent Catholic Church of Malta, God is referred to as “Allah.”.

 Pizza is the number 2 entree in foodservice, outpacing the growth rate of all other food items. It represents more than 10% of all food sales and is expected to exceed the hamburger 1996.

 The Aetherius Society believes Jesus is alive and well on the planet Venus.

 130 million cups of coffee are consumed every day in the United States alone! 

  In the United States in 1995, KFC sold 11 pieces of chicken for every man, woman and child in the country.

 An old custom in Holland explains why we have piggy banks. At the beginning of the year, children were given pigshaped earthenware containers (known as “feast pigs”) to save their pennies in. The following Christmas, they got to open them up.

 $627 billion is spent on food annually at shopping malls.

 According to a market research survey done some time ago, 68% of consumers receiving junk mail actually open the envelopes. 

 There are almost 800 different brands of bottled water for sale in the United States.

 Fresca, the soft drink, had problems when it was sold in Mexico. Fresca is slang for lesbian.

 According to Mexican folk doctors or curanderismo, mal de ojo is an illness to which all children and adults with “light blood” are susceptible. Sweeping the patient with an unbroken egg in the sign of the cross is considered the treatment of choice. 

 One-sixth of all Americans, an estimated 43 million people, move each year. (U.S. Census Bureau)

 According to The Wall Street Journal, more blonde hair dye is sold in Dallas than in any other U.S. city.

 Head injuries occur about every 15 seconds in the United States.

 Fifty percent of all marshmellows consumed in the U.S. have been toasted.

 According to the National Association of Suggestion Systems, a company typically saves $7,663 for each employee suggestion that is enacted. The figure is based on data gathered from 900 companies that have suggestion boxes.

 Every Swiss citizen is required by law to have a bomb shelter or access to a bomb shelter.

 The first stall in a public bathroom is least often occupied and is the cleanest.

 Lee Harvey Oswald’s cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.

 The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means “bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax” depending on the dialect.

 The largest object ever found in the Los Angeles sewer system was a motorcycle.

 In Germany, the parents of bad little boys and girls would receive whips and lumps of coal delivered by St. Nick’s bud Knecht Ruprecht (Servant Rupert) at Christmas.

 314 Americans had buttock lift surgery in 1994.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

 The written test for University of Texas at Austin campus police in the 1960s asked applicants the shape of their excrement to test their ability to be observant.

 The Fijiian god Matawaloo has eight stomachs and is always eating.

 According to the Texas Department of Transportation, one person is killed annually painting stripes on the state’s highways and roads.

 Wyoming was the first state to allow women to vote, New Zealand was the first country.

 Americans spent more than $18 billion on lottery tickets in fiscal year 1990.

 Every day in the United States, people steal $20,000 from coin-operated machines.

 The average U.S. high school graduate has a vocabulary of about 60,000 words.

 According to an old tradition, men must carry women over the threshhold to protect them from getting possessed by evil spirits that hang around in doorways.

 Belief in the existence of vacuums used to be punishable by death under church law.

 William Blake, Winston Churchill, and John Lennon were all ordained druids.

 The bat on the Bacardi symbol is there because the soil where the sugar cane grows is fertile from the excessive guano (bat droppings.) 

 For $150 you can become a licensed dead animal hauler in Texas.

 One-third of black men in the US between 20 and 29 years old were in prison, on parole or on probation. The number increased from one-fourth five years ago. – The Key , April 1996

 In Brazil, Pinto, the same name as the Ford car, is a slang term meaning a small male appendage.

 There is no mention of Adam and Eve eating an apple in the Bible.

 A golden razor removed from King Tut’s Tomb was still sharp enough to be used.


If I were the Devil…

There’s been a lot of chatter about Paul Harvey’s “Farmers” soliloquy on the Super Bowl ad for Dodge…

Here’s another one-  Originally done in 1965, this version is probably from the mid-90s…



This one is really eerie when you consider what is happening now 18 years later…

h/t JP

More on Sequestration…

From the upcoming Navy Times…

Cover story


‘Painful’ Budget Cuts Loom Fleet Forces chief: Expect long deployments, reduced training — and mistakes 
By Tony Lombardo and Sam Fellman 

Thousands of sailors deployed indefinitely with their flight hours slashed.

They’ll be at sea longer, but with fewer chances for port visits. Meanwhile at home, training is crushed. Family and support programs face cutbacks. And for those wanting a chance to get out to sea — for a deployment, or even just an exercise — it’s not looking good.

For months, Congress’ resistance to pass a fiscal 2013 budget has forecast havoc on all the services. Now, in a series of memos, all-hands meetings and interviews, Navy leaders are finally speaking out on what that actually could mean for sailors.

The reason they’re speaking out? The worst-case scenario is starting to look like the most likely scenario.

Right now, Congress is funding the government at 2012 levels, under a continuing resolution. If Congress decides to extend that for the rest of the year, that would mean $4.6 billion in cuts.

The Navy has already taken certain measures, effective immediately. These include:

*Curtailing fleet training events, including training unrelated to units preparing to deploy.

*A civilian hiring freeze.

*Slashing non mission-essential travel.

But these measures are only the opening act. The Navy faces an additional $4 billion in automatic spending cuts in March.

These cuts come as result of a 2010 law that set up a legal trigger, known as sequestration, which would reduce the Pentagon’s budget by $55 billion every year over a decade. It was a measure intended to force lawmakers to reach a long-term debt deal. But that deal never happened.

The Navy was cautious at first and hesitant to describe the ramifications of sequestration. To do so would be premature, officials said. But now with another deadline bearing down and lawmakers deadlocked, leaders like Fleet Forces Commander Adm. Bill Gortney have lost faith that Congress will avert disaster.

“I think they want sequestration,” Gortney said in an exclusive interview with Navy Times on Jan. 28.

The Fleet Forces chief, who’s been the fleet’s top boss for about four months, spoke candidly about the risks of sequestration and the devastating effects it will have on the deck plates.

“This CR, sequestration debate has fallen on the fleet,” Gortney acknowledged, adding that the “most dangerous” scenario is looking likely.

Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Jon Greenert has said that these steep cuts would “hollow” the fleet, cuts that many defense analysts believe Congress will put off again. But the CNO offered alarming new details in a Jan. 25 Navy budget planning document — the first extensive picture of what a shortchanged fleet would look like.

The only upside: Military pay and benefits will not be immediately affected by the cuts.

Deployed operations will suffer, but the hardest hit may be those back home. Workups will be curtailed and all ops other than cruise preparations will be shelved as the Navy’s available funds flow to ready deploying ships and squadrons. All exercises will be canceled. And four of the nine carrier air wings will be grounded — it would take them as long as a year to regain their normal readiness.

Gortney said training gaps will lead to a stressed fleet and increased risk to his sailors.

“I know from history, from personal experience, I know this is going to be painful and cost a lot,” he said in the sit-down in his Norfolk, Va., office. “What I don’t want to do is experience those mishaps.”

These mishaps could occur should the Navy be forced to meet operational demands too quickly, after these cuts have wrecked the force. When the money does return, Gortney estimates it will cost three times the savings and take untold months to return the fleet to the proper readiness level. “I can tell you, there will be mishaps. Airplanes will crash because aircrews will not have the proper skill set,” Gortney said. “That’s one of the reasons we will not go any faster than is safe.”

Ships tied at the pier.

The Navy’s priority will be to fund fiscal 2013 and 2014 deployments, Gortney said. The Harry S. Truman Carrier Strike Group is set to deploy early this year. The carrier Dwight D. Eisenhower returned home in late December and is getting a deck resurfacing before deploying again.

Greenert’s memo states that should sequestration occur, the Ike and Truman CSGs could be “extended indefinitely.” Gortney, however, said that funding is in place to train up sailors aboard the carriers George H.W. Bush on the East Coast and Nimitz on the West Coast. It may be those sailors who get stuck at sea, providing the two-carrier requirement in U.S. Central Command.

There are many details that need to be fleshed out over the next weeks to months, Navy officials concede, and fleet commanders will make the final decision in terms of what ships deploy and the length of those deployments.

“They may be out there awhile,” Gortney said of the CSGs.

So, how long is that?

“Well, until someone relieves us of the requirement, or they’re no longer mission-effective,” he said. “At the end of the day, I’ve invested in their training. They’re forward-deployed. I don’t have to retrain them. The problem is, how long can we keep them ready at a proper level out there on deployment until their reliefs are properly trained?”

That’s a big question mark, especially since training is one of the key savings the Navy is planning to make in the event of the steep automatic spending cuts.

The normal maintenance and crew rebuilding that usually occur once a ship returns from the deployment will not happen.

“We’re going to tie the ships up at the pier. We’re going to shut air wings down, and they’re just going to do the absolute minimum,” Gortney said. “Because I have to preserve the training and readiness dollars to get these next deployers out the door. I’m robbing Peter to pay Paul. It’s a good time to be Paul. It’s not a good time to be Peter.” When asked what units will play “Peter” in this scenario, Gortney gave two examples. Ike, once it deploys again and comes back, and the air wing for now-inactive carrier Enterprise.

As the fleet grapples with these scenarios, sailors’ pay is secure — for now. Military pay, selective re-enlistment bonuses, retirements, promotions and tuition assistances are safe in fiscal 2013, confirmed Cmdr. Kathy Kesler, spokeswoman for the chief of naval personnel.

“Navy leadership is committed to doing what we can to protect sailor and family benefits support programs,” she added. “However, there is a possibility that there will be impacts to these programs.” To what extent is unclear.

Right now, officials said, the budget impasse has not affected permanent change-of-station moves. But as recently as 2011, operating under continuing resolutions caused delays for tens of thousands of troops in moving to their next commands.

So why doesn’t the Navy cut into acquisition programs to avoid these tough cuts?

“Congress hasn’t given us the authority,” Gortney said. So that means the “fungible” funds are in flight hours, steaming days, deep maintenance and civilian pay.

The long-term ramifications remain unclear. Sequestration would disrupt the Navy’s maintenance cycles for ships, which range from 27 to 36 months, depending on the class, Gortney said. If you defer needed overhauls long enough, there’s a risk that ships won’t last as long as they were expected to, intensifying pressure on the future fleet.

Sailors might disregard the civilian cuts, but that would be a mistake. Their 22 days of unpaid leave, a result of sequestration, would also pose serious problems for the fleet.

Gortney said he would experience that hardship firsthand. A civilian comptroller on his staff has 41 years of experience. And while he “hasn’t seen anything like this,” he knows how to “lead our wake and make a right decision through here to get us out.” Now imagine this individual having to drop everything to go on weeks of unpaid leave.

“I have to furlough him,” Gortney said. “I have to furlough part of my brain!” And who’s likely to pick up the critical civilian work? The men and women in uniform.

‘It’s not pleasant’

While there’s little consensus among defense analysts about what will happen in the latest showdown, most believe these substantial cuts have sown uncertainty in the military and the defense industry and threaten to indiscriminately harm the Navy’s programs across the board.

“We’re going to be able to deliver less ready deployed platforms” if these cuts take effect, said retired Vice Adm. Peter Daly, the chief executive officer of the U.S. Naval Institute. “That means we’re going to have to curtail what we deliver and only focus on the most important areas and in the long run, if you keep doing this, you’re going to shorten the life of our Navy.”

The fleet’s size was a hotly debated issue in last year’s presidential election, with the candidate advocating a leaner Navy winning the contest. But even small-Navy partisans view automatic spending cuts as the wrong tool: a club where a scalpel is needed.

“This is no way to run a railroad,” said retired Capt. Lawrence Korb, who served as an assistant defense secretary in the Reagan administration. “Good heavens. The Navy budget is larger than the entire Chinese military budget and you’re going to run this thing, this way? It’s no way to do it.”

Korb, a defense analyst with the liberal Center for American Progress in Washington, D.C., said this is a potentially messy process that doesn’t give Navy leaders enough say on where to take the cuts. Indeed, Navy Secretary Ray Mabus asked for just this type of authority in the event of cuts in a Jan. 23 speech.

But Korb also supports the overall size of the cuts, which would reverse the Pentagon’s ballooning budgets after a decade of war.

Nonetheless, Korb believes the likeliest course of action is that Congress will “kick the can” on the deadline again.

Another defense analyst said he believes the Navy should be facing these tough budget decisions, as the nation’s debt mounts. The cuts won’t erode the Navy’s edge over all its rivals, reasoned Christopher Preble, a defense expert and former naval officer who served in the surface fleet during the 1990s drawdown.

Preble contends the Pentagon needs more scrutiny on its forward-presence demands and shipbuilding plans. He views the Navy’s forthcoming details as the latest salvo in the Pentagon’s anti-sequester campaign. Alongside the more dire cuts, he notes that the Navy’s list includes more mundane items, such as canceling fleet weeks and Blue Angels shows.

“It’s not pleasant. I understand that,” said Preble, who’s a defense analyst for the libertarian Cato Institute in Washington.

But Daly, the retired three-star and former No. 2 at Fleet Forces Command, argues they will hamstring a Navy already straining under the Pentagon’s demands, like that for two carriers in the Persian Gulf or ballistic-missile-defense ships in the Mediterranean. The cuts will degrade operations and imperil the future fleet. But the harm goes beyond that, Daly says.

“My big concern is that our best people will conclude they’re not part of an elite organization,” Daly said, recalling a stretch in the late 1990s where difficulties ordering aircraft parts at a training squadron led droves of its maintainers to leave the Navy, year upon year.

“My biggest concern is that we’ll hemorrhage people and we’ll lose the best people first,” Daly said.

Safety and taking care of sailors are foremost in the mind of the current FFC commander. Gortney wants to provide them with predictability — something everyone wants but can’t get in this budget crisis.

“Our sailors and their families can do amazing things. They will do amazing things,” Gortney said. “They just want to know up front what they’re going to do. And we want to give them that predictability.” Right now, in today’s Navy, that’s impossible.

On the record

In January, military leaders launched a full-on offensive to describe the risk of budget cuts coming from Congress if it passes another continuing resolution and triggers sequestration. Some notable quotes:

“Ladies and gentlemen, the world as we know it will end. There’s just no way you can keep the Navy whole and keep the Marine Corps whole.” — Navy Undersecretary Bob Work, Jan. 17

“Much like putting off an oil change because you can’t afford the $20 service, we save in the short term, but shorten the car’s life and add to the backlog of work for later.” — Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Jon Greenert, in a Jan. 24 memo

“I urge the Congress to eliminate the sequester threat permanently.” — Defense Secretary nominee Chuck Hagel, Jan. 30

“It’s not just about the military, not just about the Navy, it’s about the whole federal government. Sequestration affects everybody.” — Rear Adm. John Kirby, Navy’s chief of information, Jan. 31

Staff writers Christopher P. Cavas and Mark D. Faram contributed to this report.


Lazy people…

“Some” folks have WAY too much time on their hands…  

And people say nothing good ever comes out of military technology???



Imagine what they could do if they turned their skylarking to something productive…

Bomb robots, UUVs, UAVs, USVs… sigh…

Interesting video from NY State…

This one is interesting for what is said, and the ‘lack’ of response from the officials…

From Buffalo where officials were doing a town hall type meeting to ‘explain’ the new NY gun laws…



Can’t help but wonder if they took names of the attendees???

h/t JP

Time Travel…

This one came over the transom last night from an old shipmate…

And it goes out to all those ‘veterans’ of Cubi/Subic Bay…



I apologize to those who don’t understand the lyrics; but if you weren’t there, it’s kinda hard to describe!  And would probably get you in trouble if you did… 

Ah, memories…  😀