Monday Humor…

Posted on by December 9, 2023

Bible stories…

As interpreted by children…sigh

Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following 25 statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

  1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
  2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
  3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
  4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
  5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
  6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
  7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
  8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
  9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.
  12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
  14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
  16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
  17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
  18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
  19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
  20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
  22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
  23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
  24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
  25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

 

Ummm…err…

Posted on by December 9, 2023

We’re in the WRONG business…

When he was just 12 years old, Gabriel Feitosa, now 31, started a dog-grooming venture on the streets of Sae Paulo, Brazil — washing and trimming animals for extra money.

From there, Feitosa “fell into” his career and started working at dog shows before moving to the U.S. and opening his own shop — Gabriel Feitosa Pet Boutique — in San Diego, California, during the COVID pandemic.

But wait, there’s more! Full article, HERE.

Who knew dying animals different colors would be worth $1.3 MILLION a year?

Of course, it IS California, so more money that sense.

But still, why would you want your dog to look like a zebra?

SMDH…

It’s that weekend again…

Posted on by December 8, 2023

Army/Navy…

Odds and records go out the window for this one every year…

And it’s NOT in Philly this year, but up in Boston, so a major change!

I won’t get much done tomorrow…

Interesting timing…

Posted on by December 7, 2023

The military announced late Wednesday it was grounding all of its Osprey V-22 helicopters, one week after eight Air Force Special Operations Command service members died in a crash off the coast of Japan.

Full article, HERE from Military Times.
The crash that apparently kicked off the entire grounding is HERE.
The MV-22 is an odd bird, to put it mildly. It’s basically a helicopter flying sideways in the VTOL mode, that then transitions to a ‘normal’ flight configuration like an airplane with two very big propellers.
The downside is there are a LOT of moving parts that have to work in concert to make it all work both on takeoff/landing and the transitions to/from the normal flight regime. It is sad that once again we have a significant loss of life for ‘unknown’ reasons, but maybe, just maybe, they will be able to actually isolate the cause and get a fix that works!
Our Sailors, Marines, and Airmen deserve that, and much more!
Prayers for the families of those lost and their families in this time.

82 years ago…

Posted on by December 7, 2023

A day that will live in infamy…

We are down to the last few survivors of the Japanese raid on Pearl Harbor, and sadly, that day seems to be receding from our collective memories…

I know it will never recede from mine, since I lost relatives on the USS Arizona…

This is a copy of the air raid message received on USS Ranger, which thankfully, was at sea with the other carriers…

This is a hand drawn chart of the ship mooring assignments on the morning of December 7, 1941. There are a couple of minor inaccuracies in the rafts North of Ford Island, and the compass rose shown is off by about 45 degrees to the West.


This is the list of those lost at Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. This is the inner wall of the Arizona Memorial…

And HERE is a link to the John Ford/Glenn Toland movie created to tell the story of that day…

Take a moment today and say a little prayer for those who died that day…

Book promo…

Posted on by December 6, 2023

Enough with the bad crap going on, how about some good reading!!!

First up, Monalisa Foster with her new novel via Baen- Threading the Needle

As always, click the cover for the Amazon link!

The blurb-

A NEW START—OR AN OLD CALLING?

Talia Merritt, a former military sniper once known as Death’s Handmaiden, is a woman haunted by her past. Her cybernetic arm and her phantom—the implant that allows her to control it—serve as a constant reminder of what she’s lost. But Talia is hoping to leave her past and her reputation behind and start anew on the colony world of Goruden, a hardscrabble planet of frontier-minded people seeking a better life. And she’s finally earned enough to start to make that dream come true.

In the bucolic town of Tsuri, she interviews for a job as a marksmanship instructor for local bigwig Signore Ferran Contesti. But Contesi is not what he seems. A recent arrival on Goruden, he hopes to mold the colony world in his own image—an image at odds with the unencumbered life free of government and corporate meddling that Talia has come to find.

Soon, Talia finds herself thrust into the start of another conflict. Talia desperately wants to stay out of it, but she may not have that luxury.

With the fate of a planet and her own peace of mind hanging in the balance, Talia must decide whether or not to once again take up the mantle of Death’s Handmaiden. . . .

At the publisher’s request, this title is sold without DRM (Digital Rights Management).

Praise for Monalisa Foster:
“I cannot overly recommend this 40-odd page jewel. It’s a painful piece, but that’s its strength, really. And it is also a story which literally CANNOT be told too strongly or too often.” —David Weber on “Pretending to Sleep”

Monalisa Foster won life’s lottery when she escaped communism in Romania and became an unhyphenated American citizen. Her works tend to explore themes of freedom, liberty, and personal responsibility. Despite her degree in physics, she’s worked in several fields, including engineering and medicine.

Next up, James Young with Wonder no More: An Alternate Leyte Gulf

The blurb-

October 1944. After almost three years of titanic struggle, the United States Navy has forced their Japanese opponents into one final titanic struggle: The Battle of Leyte Gulf.

Aboard the battleship Yamato, Vice Admiral Matome Ugaki is the sole survivor of an American airstrike. With Center Force’s grievous losses and the sky still full of American airplanes, no rational person would criticize Ugaki for ordering a retreat. However Bushido is not rational, nor does Japan have the luxury of seeking battle another day. The Center Force must reach the American beachhead… or die trying.

Vice Admiral Willis Lee does not understand Bushido, but he can read a map. Despite aviators’ claims to have sent the Japanese fleet fleeing, Lee is considering insubordination when an engineering casualty forces his hand. Regardless of what dawn will bring for the carriers of Third Fleet, Lee will form Task Force 34 and take it south to guard the exit of San Bernadino Strait.

Meanwhile, the U.S.S. Johnston rides herd on a small group of aircraft carriers designated “Taffy 3” off the coast of Samar. To her captain’s disappointment, the tides of war have prevented her from participating in the unfolding battle in Surigao Strait. For Ensign Jack Murphy, things couldn’t be better. He’s happily counting down the days until the United States Navy strangles the Empire of Japan will happily serve the war effort by fishing aviators out of the ocean as long as they keep ditching. Fate has brought him to the Johnston, and he is ready for the fickle goddess to carry him just as safely off the destroyer’s deck when the war is over.

Unbeknownst to all three men, when dawn breaks on the 25th of October the lives of thousands will turn on their decisions. Titans will clash, with the fate of the Philippines hanging in the balance!

James Totten has a new short out in his Breaching Ain’t Easy series- The Old Heads and Drone Drivers

The blurb-

War is hell and getting worse. Russian leaders want payback for losing Poland. New weapons bring new opportunities. Retired Soldiers get called back to serve. Major Brown is right in the middle of it managing the madness. Look out for the dad bods, they have the skills to kill!

I would highly recommend all of them, as each is well researched, with very interesting characters, and enough plot twists to keep everyone happy!

A new line in the sand???

Posted on by December 5, 2023

Or in concrete???

Newly minted House Speaker Mike Johnson sent a letter to Office of Management and Budget Director Shalanda Young Tuesday laying down a line on Ukraine funding.  While the letter is addressed to Young, who is negotiating with lawmakers on a government funding package by the end of the year, it’s for President Joe Biden. 

“With respect to the Administration’s request for additional Ukraine funding, the position of Congressional Republicans has been clearly articulated since October 26, 2023. On that date, I met in the Situation Room with you, National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan, and other key leaders to present two essential prerequisites: security at out border, and critical answers regarding the funds requested,” Johnson wrote in the letter. 

Full article HERE.

When you add this to the FBI director’s statements about red warning lights and potential attacks on America, infrastructure, and people by ‘terrorists’, really makes me wonder about just what the administration’s goals are. Especially when the Fibbies/CBP say they are catching terrorists coming across the border (but how many are they missing).

Another thing that makes me wonder is why the administration is taking such a soft stance on Iran and their proxies, especially with Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis et al continuing to ramp up attacks on US ships/personnel, and continuing to fire rockets into Israel.

Adding this to the list of atrocities that are now being listed by the Israelis against women that were kidnapped/raped/killed, plus the fact that they refuse to release anymore women (or anymore US hostages), and the US continues to sit on the sidelines or puts a small strike on a ‘warehouse’ or something else small…

Where the hell are we going, and why are we in this handcart?

Bueller, Bueller, anybody???

 

Sunset…

Posted on by December 5, 2023

And other things…

Some days you win the beauty of Mother Nature!

Calm and not unreasonably cold, so it was worth standing outside for a few minutes to catch this and just reflect on the infinitely changeable weather/skies and our ability to enjoy it!

And I lurve my friends! They send me books!!!

Many thanks to Monalisa for copies of her latest two books!

Threading the Needle drops today! Link HERE for the Amazon page!

I literally have a two shelves plus on the bookcase that are nothing but signed copies from author friends!!!

And yes, I’ve read every one of them! Phhhhbbbtttt… 🙂

A little humor…

Posted on by December 3, 2023

To start the week…

Out of the mouthes of babes…

  1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before.

After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, “But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye….

  1. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
  2. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

“Who was THAT?”

  1. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

  1. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
  2. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

“What’s it about?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

  1. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!”
  2. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
  3. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”

10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said… “How do you make babies?”

“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”

  1. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.

“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.”

  1. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.

“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck..”

A third child brought the argument to a close.”They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

  1. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
  2. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
  3. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

It’s that time of year…

Posted on by December 2, 2023

And Chevrolet has another great ad out.

Warning, it WILL get dusty when you watch it…

Chevrolet has done the impossible this holiday season: it produced a commercial without any woke nonsense, which was beyond refreshing. No Dylan Mulvaney shenanigans, no virtue signaling, and no liberal drivel being forced down our throats. I don’t know if America’s executives have learned that going woke is a ruinously expensive venture. The car company might release a lefty ad later. For now, let’s enjoy this tearjerker. 

Here’s the commercial-

Full article, HERE.

Chevrolet, much like Budweiser, used to produce ‘good’ and humorous ads around the holidays…

Sadly, anymore all we seem to get is trash from everybody…

This is a refreshing change, IMHO!