The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons.
“Who is Joe?” you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29-year-old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would be a singular plain toast because none of the other bread slices wanted anything to do with him.
Now that I have painted the picture for our protagonist, let me describe the setting: Joe’s parents’ basement, or as he likes to call it, his humble abode. Joe was sitting at his desk (which could clean itself by the way, the future is awesome), wondering how it all went wrong.
“How did I end up like this?” Joe thought to himself “I used to be cool!” Joe was referring to when he was five and was the fastest kid in his kindergarten class.
“That’s it!” Joe sprung up from his chair and exclaimed “I’m going to show the world that Joe McFlinch is no wimp!” “Keep it down Joe! I am trying to cook!” his mother, who was stir-frying cricket brisket with the Hungertron 4000, was not pleased with his sudden outburst. “Sorry Ma!” Joe responded.
Now, Joe was fuelled with determination, but he did not have the avenue to showcase his courage (or lack thereof). Just then, Joe’s 4D holographic phone went off. It was an advertisement for the Prehistoric Park, a theme park that showcased dinosaurs, ancient mammals and other prehistoric megafauna. It was based off the ancient 1993 movie Jurassic Park.
“Introducing our latest addition!” the announcer in the advert said “The one, the only, Tyrannosaurus Rex!” Joe nearly collapsed upon hearing the majestic beast’s roar.
“It’s really strong! It’s Really Overly Aggressive! And it’s REALLY HUGEEEEEEE!” the announcer continued. Then, almost like one of those medicine ads where the speaker goes high pitched and super-fast while talking about the side effects, the ad went “Do not bring outside food into the park, no flash photography as it may startle our animals, Prehistoric Park is not liable for any injuries or damages that happen within our park, thank you and have a nice day!”
“A Really Overly Aggressive Dinosaur, huh?” Joe thought to himself. Just then, Joe had a eureka moment. “If I piss it off, people are sure to respect my guts!” (I said he had a eureka moment, but I did not specify that it was good).
Now, Joe had a camera and a plan. He was going to use his camera’s flash to startle the ‘Really Overly Aggressive’ dinosaur, proving to the world that he was not a coward. Any sane person would question Joe’s flawed logic but since he had no friends to challenge him, he was going all in on his plan.
The day came when Joe made his visit to Prehistoric Park. Upon seeing the Tyrannosaurus up close, he was starting to have second thoughts. The announcer was right about two things, the dinosaur was really strong and really huge. It was now up to Joe to find out whether or not it was really overly aggressive.
Joe took a deep breath. You’re a loser Joe! Just a big fat chicken! Joe started to recall all the insults and demeaning things bullies used to sling at him, Coward! Wimp! Chicken! He hated that word, chicken. “I am NOT A CHICKEN!” Joe yelled as he aimed his camera at the dinosaur.
*CLICK!*
A jumbo digital multi-lens hyper reflex camera’s flash was no joke, comparable to a flash bang grenade. Needless to say, the Tyrannosaurus was not happy. It turned at Joe and once it pinpointed him as the source of the flare, it started charging.
“That IS a Really Overly Aggressive Dinosaur!” was Joe’s last thought as the monster broke through the 4-inch carbon nanotube fence and chewed him up in one bite.
Poor Joe. No one knew why he acted the way he did. The authorities labelled the incident as a mentally unstable individual that committed suicide through dinosaur.
But you and I both know. You and I both know why Joe did it, that all he was trying to do was to prove himself. You and I both know why the chicken crossed the R.O.A.D.
I never said it was a ‘good’ joke… 🙂
And one to think about…
A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired.
During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups – porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: ‘Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
The cup that you’re drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups…
And then you began eyeing each other’s cups. Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups.
The happiest people don’t have the best of everything.
They just make the best of everything that they have.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly… And enjoy your hot chocolate!
Cheers
