A weeks worth…

Of humor…

MONDAY

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex…

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms..

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!’

TUESDAY

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said, ‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon.

Damned good!’

The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’

The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’

The preacher said, ‘No s**t?’

WEDNESDAY

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, ‘Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.’

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

‘Gee, Mom,’ he exclaimed, ‘for me?’

‘Just take two,’ Brenda replied. ‘The rest are for your father.’

THURSDAY

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her

92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

‘Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’

FRIDAY

A doctor was addressing a conference in Tampa and started out- ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’

SATURDAY

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age,’ Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’

Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

SUNDAY

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

‘These,’ she explained, ‘are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’

A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!’

h/t JP

The Grey Man- Changes…

It’s in final edits now, and I’m shooting for the end of the month… Here’s one more teaser chapter…

Boredom

Aaron fidgeted impatiently as he waited for Captain Ragsdale to come in. After two weeks of basically sitting around, Aaron was afraid this was going to be another ass chewing for something one of the troops did or didn’t do, depending on who saw what.

Bagram had been bad enough, with all the Air Force weenies and their petty BS rules, but he was quickly beginning to believe they weren’t so bad compared to Herat and the spit and polish ‘at the flagpole’ as it was called. There were way too many suspicious civilian characters that seemed to have free rein to go anywhere in the compound they wanted to, and all the Marines were jumpy, to put it mildly.

Then there was the whole incident with McKenzie and the civilian, which had been blown totally out of proportion anyway. Just because McKenzie had decked the guy after catching him in his room, and held him at gunpoint until the ANA dudes arrived, there shouldn’t have been anything but pats on the back. But finding out the guy was ANP who was investigating or so he claimed, some BS about women in the rooms… well, consider the mind boggled.

Over the last week and a half, they had been studying the various FOBs in the AO . They’d come up with two that were the highest probability where they would end up, based on the team makeup. One was FOB Apache, northeast of Herat up near the Turkmenistan border on the ring road about two hundred kilometers from Herat. The other was FOB Lightning, which was just south of the Turkmenistan border but only about sixty kilometers from Herat. After looking at them and talking to guys that were shuttling in and out for meetings, FOB Apache sounded like the better deal, even with the logistics issues.

They had checked and re-checked their gear, repacked their equipment into easier to manage loads, and drilled daily as much as they could. The familiarization courses with the Afghans had been good follow up for the training back in the states, and they were getting comfortable with the translator, Ali, who had been assigned to them. He was from Kabul, had gone to school in England, and had been a computer technician before everything blew up.

Finally, the captain came in and Aaron popped to attention. “At ease, gunny, take a seat.”

Aaron got almost all the way seated and his brain finally caught up with what the captain had said. “Gunny? Are you shitting me, captain?”

Ragsdale smiled. “Nope, you’re on the list, and it apparently came in before we left, but the word never got passed. Your promotion is this month. And I have one more bit of good news: we’re getting the fuck out of here! They’re heloing us out to FOB Apache tomorrow afternoon. We’re turning over with Det Charlie out there, and that’s where we’re going to spend the entire deployment. No floater duties for us.”

Aaron leaned back in the chair. “Well, I guess that’s good news, but I’m concerned about the issues Gunny Plath from Charlie raised last week when he was here. Apparently, the ANA folks up there are pretty good, but the ANP not so much. I like the fact that we’ll be separated from the main part of the FOB for security, but I don’t know how to play the ANA and ANP sides.”

The captain replied, “Well, by ear is probably going to be how we start. The Italians haven’t done much up there, just the minimum provincial reconstruction team stuff. Rumor has it a det from the Hundred and First Airborne is going to come up to assist in the next couple of months. We’ll take over the GMV s Charlie has up there, but we’re taking all new weapons up. Seems there is a significant dust issue which has caused reliability problems on the 50 cals, 240s and the 7.62 mini-guns. Did McKenzie get certified for JTAC and get his callsign yet? He’s the critical link in our ability to talk to and task the air assets. And we’re damn sure going to need that!”

“He’s back over there this morning. Something got screwed up in the paperwork, I think having to do with him being a staff sergeant rather than an officer like they’re used to seeing with Marines. Hobgood’s got all his EOD gear set up, and he’s getting as much spare demo as he can, but I’m not sure we can get it on the helo. Parker and Sands are ready to go on the intel side, they’ve been buried in the SCIF with the S-2 for the better part of a week and a half, getting into the intel stream and picking out players for both FOBs,” Aaron said.

He leaned forward. “Doc Hardy and Doc Wells have all their kit in order and they’re already to go. Comms is good to go, weaps and snipers are good. And it’ll be good to get out of here. I guess I need to ask what are you going to do with me?”

Ragsdale said, “Well, since I’m apparently going to be on a short leash at the TOC , Gunny Mayhew is going to bump up to team lead, and you’re going to fill in as team chief. I’m not cutting you loose just because you got promoted. we’ve spent the last six months working up as a team, and we’re going to make this deployment as a team. Since Gunny has been tied up with HQ since we got here, you’ve been the de facto team lead anyway. But this does mean you’ll have to give up the sniper role, put Baker as the primary and Doc Wells as the spotter for right now.”

Aaron hung his head. “Roger all, captain. If there’s nothing else?”

“Dismissed. And congratulations.”

***

48 hours later, FOB Apache

Gunnies Plath and Mayhew, along with Aaron, stood in the dirt by the rock-filled HESCO bastion looking at the four GMVs they were turning over. Mayhew said, “Damn, Dave, these things are pieces of shit. What the hell did y’all do to them?”

“Well,” Plath replied, “this isn’t exactly a friendly environment. We’ll do a fam drive tomorrow down to the village, and you’ll be able to see what some of the issues are. There is exactly one street in the village these things actually fit down, and other than Ring Road, you’re pretty much driving in the dirt, unless it rains, then you’re in mud up to your ass. At least we had decent weather and could get air cover. I feel for you guys, ‘cause the Air Force won’t play if they can’t see you. If you’re lucky, you’ll get Navy or Marine air if needed. Make sure your JTAC brings his GRG tomorrow, I’ll put him with Hester so they can get a visual turnover while we fam the area. Last thing you want to do is call air on the wrong place.”

Mayhew and Aaron nodded as Aaron continued to scribble notes in his wheel book. Mayhew asked, “Who else do we need up?”

Plath replied, “Bring one of your docs, we’ll show him where we’ve been doing the MEDCAP at the little clinic they have. Once you get out of the main village, you’re going to see lots of smaller, poorer villages and compounds. My intel folks are giving yours the up to the minute on which ones we think are friendly and which ones we think are Taliban controlled. Bring your HUMINT guy too, now that I think of it.”

Mayhew replied, “We can do that. Whatta you think, Dave? One more day and kick you guys loose?”

Plath shrugged. “Depends on the captains and HQ. I do want to keep a couple of folks and ride with you on the first couple of patrols, but yeah, bunking like we are just ain’t hacking it. And don’t bother bitching about the food either. The contractors do what they can with what they get on the lifts or convoys. My troops should have turned over the stash of MREs we’ve accumulated. Hope y’all like the choices. If you’re a pork fan, you’re shit out of luck though. Apparently, they aren’t allowed to ship them here. A case or two a week are the baksheesh to keep them from killing the contractors when they go looking for fresh stuff.”

Everybody just shook their heads, knowing this kind of stuff went on, but was always ignored by the higher ups, until something happened, and then everybody down the chain got shit on.

***

A week later, with Alpha now the sole team at Apache, they started settling into the routine of daily patrols. Aaron and Mayhew started a rotation where each of them was in the TOC one day, then patrolling the next. Aaron still got the shitty little E-7 jobs, one of which was a daily inspection of the GMVs and MRAPS due to the sand issue. If one didn’t do a daily preventative maintenance check on anything with lubricant, it was destined to freeze up at exactly the wrong time. Same went for weapons. Everyone cleaned their weapons daily, and if they’d been on patrol, they put new batteries in every second patrol.

Aaron thought belt and suspenders? Probably, but if we get hit at night, every light is going to be important. I better get another three cases of batteries for each system on the way here. Mac’s settled in at JTAC. Doc Wells has stepped up. Hell, the whole det is taking it up a level from where we were. It’s looking good! Thank God!

The first three patrols went off without a hitch, and the whole team started to feel more comfortable working with both the ANP and the ANA. The ANA guys were much more competent than the local Iraqi military Aaron had seen in Iraq on his last tour, and he was working with Ali to get a good rapport going with the young lieutenant that was leading most of the patrols. His biggest concern was their vehicles had for all practical purposes no armor, and the troops had very little in the way of protective equipment.

After he’d mentioned it to Captain Ragsdale, it had been pushed up the chain, and come back down as a hands off. No favoritism could be shown without causing problems between the ANP and ANA.

Aaron and Gunny Mayhew had talked after each patrol, and come to the conclusion that neither of them really trusted the ANP at this point.

Aaron’s second biggest worry became boredom as the days turned into weeks, and would turn into months. Boredom and complacency had killed more soldiers since time immemorial than damn near anything else except war.

I agree!!!

Shane Lawler says it for all of us veterans…

Warning- strong language…

And then there’s THIS bulls**t!!!

Jo Ann Fabric Stores are selling these as DOORMATS!!!

JO Anns fabrics

If you’re unhappy about this, you may contact Jo-Ann Fabric and Craft Stores Customer Service via phone at 1-888-739-4120, Monday through Saturday, 9 am – 7 pm Eastern Time.

The backstory and a ‘reply’ from the store is HERE on facebook!

h/t Tina for the Lawler video!

8 years…

Gah, hard to believe y’all have put up with me this long!!!

Eight years ago (that’s like 56 internet years) I started this as a way to kill time on the road, and join this little corner of the Intarwebz…

I was burnt out on the gun forums, tired of dealing with the idjits, wannabes, and internet experts.

Little did I know how much it would change my life!

Reconnected with some old friends, made quite a few new ones, got to go shoot in various places with a lot of good folks, and picked up a few loyal followers that actually read my brain drippings. For the three of you, I truly appreciate it! 🙂

I never thought I’d write a book, much less actually SELL any either… LOL

A little over 2820 posts, 38000 plus comments, and over 1 million visits (actually since I dumped site meter my visits mysteriously jumped 400 visits a day to 1200 average) so I figure the actual number is something on the order of 1.5 million.

My thanks to those who’ve linked to me over the years, and I know without your links, I wouldn’t have much of anything.

I’ll do my best to continue putting something up when I can. Thank you for reading, and thanks for the many supporting comments.

And thank you to those who’ve purchased copies of The Grey Man books!

Gah…

I’m not 21 anymore. I’m not 21 anymore. I’m not 21 anymore. I’m not 21 anymore.

I need to tattoo that on my forehead…

We went out to dinner Thursday night in San Diego and realized four of us are retiring this year and we’d never have to attend the particular conference we were at…

And all of us being aviators and having known each other for years, we tried to relive the old days…

Food bill ~$100, bar bill ~$400, plus taxi fare… sigh…

We turned one of these into a dead soldier last night…

Macallan 25Got back to the hotel after midnight, then had to get up at 0330 to get to the airport…

We all pretty much stumbled onto the airplane and crashed. I actually slept most of the flight for the first time in years, but I had to find the aspirin as soon as I got off the airplane…

Sigh…

I’m not 21 anymore. I’m not 21 anymore. I’m not 21 anymore. I’m not 21 anymore.

 

What is it…

With Kalifornia???

Is it a requirement that every little old lady in a Mercedes have a toy poodle? I swear I must have seen ten or fifteen of them this week!!!

In other news, it was in the mid 60s and the folks in SoCAL were wearing JACKETS!!! Really?  Is your blood THAT thin?

I was out taking a frustration break from the meeting and saw this coming up the channel…

IMG_2296

These can hold from 1200 to 5000 cars (the new ones carry up to 8000) depending on company and carrier… The are used to ship new cars from various factories in Europe and Asia to the USA.  Sometimes the military and civilian companies contract for ‘backhaul’ services for people transferring overseas and taking vehicles with them.

I have also seen at least one of these that can also haul tanks!!! THAT is a big sumbitch!!! And it can haul maybe 100 tanks due to weight.

And this isn’t a bad place for lunch and a quickie meeting…

IMG_2298We didn’t have time to run out to Hodad’s, but fresh seafood works! 🙂

TBT…

Culled from an email thread back in 2007…

I found this when I inadvertently flipped the received dates… There were about eight of us in the discussion, and it went on for about three days.

It started as a discussion about .mil retirements and the fact that we were losing $$ against the entitlement/free cheese crowd.

Comment-

The Democrats don’t really want jobs. All that talk is code for increasing welfare and easing fines / penalties for convictions of crimes. It is very clear to me that there is an ever increasing divide in this country between a few categories of people based on partisanship and it may not end well. This may all blow over in a few months and be yesterday’s news. But there are also clear birth pains of fundamental civil strife within this movement. Inner city culture and the suburban / rural communities are increasingly at odds in their worldview. The powers that be, the 1% of folks who own 99% of the wealth are not stupid. All this DHS / FBI training that is starting up for civil unrest type scenarios is for a reason. We may be seeing the beginning of it all.

Reply-

In my opinion, I think it’s more a case of the government realizing the bleak economic outlook for the country long-term. I had a friend at a TLA tell me fifteen years ago the economy was never getting better, their resident geniuses, of which they had many, had done the projections, and they knew it. To put it simply, due to economic issues things across the US and indeed the entire world are going to continue to become more dystopian. The ruling class are afraid of the masses and using every play in the book to keep the people preoccupied elsewhere, including turning them against one another.

My $.02-

Yeah, all true. Look at what is happening to the Fire/EMS/LEO community. They are in even worse shape than we are. My daughter is a new EMT working on Paramedic in CA, and GARBAGE MEN make more per hour than she does. Unions dontcha know. I’m really afraid for what is going to happen when that generation has to take over. The majority don’t care, more interested in getting high, screwing off and living off mommy and daddy. And I blame most of that on the education system; the looney left has gotten control of it and it’s spiraling out of control, along with costs. Good luck finding a conservative in higher education today.

Reply-

Best to get out of urban areas, find a nice rural setting and settle in. Get whatever permits you need, and lock and load. It’s coming. Four months and counting at Ft. Sam over here. Texas hill country here I come! Y’all are welcome to visit, but bring your own ammo.

As I read this, now 8 years later, I couldn’t help but think how correct we were… Sigh…

Teh funny…

Anybody who’s ever dealt with SEA will agree with this one…NeanderthalsThis is ONE of the reasons I’m losing my hair on a regular basis… Sigh…

 

Sorry…

Crap connectivity…

Hotel is full of kids, can’t get on the web for any length of time. Not going to be able to read/comment on blogs till I get back home in all probability.

Posted from my iPhone.

Stabby Things…

Certain individuals have been pestering me to get a Jenny Wren style tomahawk as a legal carry in vehicles and other places where guns are outlawed, since I’m old and slow…

Now ‘those’ people actually have had training in how to use one effectively. Me, on the other hand, not so much…

And I’ve been looking and whistling at the prices. At the NRA I laid paws on one from CRKT that is in that style.

It showed up Friday, and the reason(s) I chose it were that it has scallops on the handle in the three primary grip positions and the fact that you can get a training version.  Oops, apparently you CAN’T get a training version… sigh

CRKT Thawk R

The color options were black and blaze orange, I went with the lower profile black (which of course was already sold out). It’s reasonably priced, at an MSRP of $185. The thing I like is that it’s a full tang unit. The grip scales bolt on and can be removed for cleaning.CRKT Thawk L

Lastly, but not least, it’s an RMJ design. Ryan Johnson is known for the quality of his designs, and how effective they are in the field.