This one came over the transom from the Mil-email string…
HOLLYWOOD HAS BEEN LYING TO US
-There are no consequences of a high speed car chase. Police are never interested in following up just why your car was driving at high speed down the wrong side of the highway, and why 16 other cars collided. Similarly, none of the other cars’ drivers will be in touch to find out your insurance details.
-Black people are not by default criminals, single mums or muscular, super-hot people.
-Average working-class Americans living in nice newish houses and apartments. The median household income in 2015 was about $53K, and for that amount you don’t get a picture perfect place to live in.
-Nobody farts or burps or uses the washroom unless they are escaping out of a window.
-Two Russians, when they speak to each other, almost always speak in English with a heavy Russian accent and not in Russian itself.
-Villains are always bad shots, giving the good guys time to find cover whilst giving away their own location.
-Humans can fight in a brawls with no broken bones, blood, messed up hair, etc.
-Good guys always win – In real life this is not the case. Real world has proven that no matter whether you are good or bad, if you have money and power you can bend the rules to win.
-A van cannot easily smash through a locked gate in a chain linked fence.
-Chinese characters are into Karate or Kung Fu.
-A cowboy cop can repeatedly break laws and Department rules with no legal trouble.
-Hitting someone in the head easily knocks people out.
-Tom Cruise always saves the world.
-When there is an explosion everybody dies instantly most of your internal organs explode due to pressure and not burn slowly.
-Humans will fall down fast no matter where they are shot.
-Cops taste test drugs to see what they are.
-Asian looking people are not always shop owners.
-Waking up from a coma has minimal repercussions.
-Tornadoes actually pull everything inward and not outward.
-A wrong turn always leads to horrible and scary places.
-A student can easily hack into the school system and change their record of absences.
-Jason Statham plays different characters
-If CPR doesn’t work you can try punching their chest.
-A hacker cannot break into the evil guys network/robot/system/whatever with a timer ticking down to conveniently let you know when the security will be breached.
-Being taught by a Martial Arts Master in a short period of time will result in winning a Karate or some other specific martial arts tournament even when opponents have way more experience.
-Running away from police, US Marshals, and other authorities is a wise idea to prove your innocence.
-Bullets don’t spark when shot they are made mostly of copper.
-A human can survive a high fall landing on a car, or hard ground with no damage to their body.
-NYPD or FBI are better than every criminal, but the hero comes from a different background and yet seizes the day. And what more, the cops include him in their pursuit.
-Mexicans are heavily into tequila and salsa.
-Foreign villains are always screaming and yelling bad things in their native language. All foreign villains have screaming problems.
-It’s so damn easy to hack into a traffic system using a Laptop.
-People working as a restaurant waiter living a stylish comfortable life. If you wait tables other than in upscale and very expensive restaurants, you barely have enough money to cover bills.
-Getting repeatedly knocked out doesn’t have any lasting problems.
-Cars never run out of fuel. You can be driving to work, decide you’d rather drive from San Diego to Boston with a stop in Houston without filling up the tank.
-Sex always looks fantastic and there are no weird bodily noises or klutzy mishaps. And every woman’s boobs are perky and perfect no matter what!
-Eiffel tower is visible from everywhere in Paris. In reality, unless one is within a 2 km radius, the tower is nowhere close to visible.
-Good guys are great shots.
-When you work 40 hours a week and have a wife and three kids to support, you have all the time in the world to go to a bar every night and get drunk out of your mind.
-Computers don’t make lots of beeps and squeaks when they’re doing stuff.
-It’s impossible to aim two guns and shoot, our eyes don’t function that way.
-Police have access to all the data in the world. DNA records, dental records, finger prints, telephone records, list of everybody’s friends and acquaintances.
-If a person is Irish they’ll drink alcohol. Probably Jameson’s.
-Anyone can pick up a weapon and fire it reasonably accurately, even if with no firearms experience whatsoever.
-Japanese are expressionless and play with robots.
-You can enhance any image and improve its quality.
-A city cop can repeatedly visit a city in another state investigating a criminal case repeatedly with no approval from the police department he or she works for without getting fired, demoted, suspended, or any other negative consequences.
-That people exercising never look bad. Women with long hair don’t get it stringy and sticky with sweat, and no-one turns red in the face or has a muffin top that jiggles.
-You can easily survive getting thrown through the air by an explosion.
-White people come in all shapes and sizes not only athletic, perfect teeth and perfect body.
-When the killer is after you, adrenaline is basically non-existent. Actually thanks to adrenaline all your senses are more sensitive and active, let’s not forget that your heart rate increases to supply your muscles with oxygen so you’re less likely to trip and fall.
-Punching glass with an unprotected hand to break it is a safe wise idea.
-If a cop doesn’t read your miranda rights you go free.
-Every machine is a ‘She’.
-Bulletproof vests stay in place don’t have to be adjusted.
-Cars can jump off high places without having anything happening to the car nor to the people inside it.
-If the lead character is persistent enough and keeps stalking the female lead character, she will eventually fall in love with him.
-The insanity defence has a decent success rate.
-All gay guys are good looking and well dressed. Certainly not slobby or hairy.
-A man and woman will have mostly nothing or nothing at all in common yet still they end up together.
-All fit and beautiful people on the street. The reality is that two out of three adult Americans are overweight or obese. That doesn’t make a nice backdrop for pretty movies.
-Everyone is beautiful, even the ugly people.
-Hacking into high security military grade servers is done within 2 mins by a random tech guy, whose laptop never requires charging and has fancy screen savers.
-There is no such thing as a “hand blood vessel structure analyser and database” to catch suspect.
-People dropping dead like a sack of potatoes when shot once. Unless it’s a powerful rifle round and/or a hit in the head, a person doesn’t die immediately.
-Movie prostitutes look like Julia Roberts. Real life ones often look more like Eric Roberts.
-That when you drive in the city, there will always be an empty parking space right in front of the building you’re going to.
-You’ll be safe from a large explosive if you’re behind a vending machine.
-Bruises and cuts heal within 5-7 hours or whenever hair and makeup get tired of keeping them consistent.
-The world is black and white with persons simply being bad or good.
-Any place on Earth can be placed under surveillance using a satellite that is available 24×7 and the data can be obtained real-time.
-A woman with glasses can be easily made over into an amazing looking woman.
-Breaking windows (especially car windows) is pretty hard.
-Every high class villain has a unique taste; art or music or fine cigars or specific beer brand.
-If it is an action sequence and you are chasing the bad guy, no matter how many traffic lights you break, the police won’t come near you. They come into picture only when you are driving through a suburban road or parking your car.
-Police won’t think of looking inside abandoned warehouses for hideouts of criminals.
-Dismembering a body isn’t as easy, ever tried cutting piece of meat for dinner? Enough said.
-People are not that good looking.
-Brits are suave during the day, and get drunk at night.
-Kicking open a door with one foot is painful and will seldom lead to success.
-You always have time for your last words.
-Africa is all desert.
-A human can easily dodge a high amount of gunfire.
-It is easy to fall in love with strangers – love at first sight is a concept that has been exaggerated by many films.
-A single kiss with a woman trying to avoid any contact with a man does NOT immediately send her into orgasmic bliss.
And if you believe that, I’ve got this bridge… Doesn’t go anywhere, but it’s a helluva deal… 🙂
