A Shipboard Life, part 2…

I also sent this to some old Navy friends, and got this back this morning!

This really brought back some memories. Take it from a former resident of U.S.S. Mindoro, U.S.S. Siboney, U.S.S. Antietam, U.S.S. Tarawa, U.S.S. Valley Forge, & U.S.S. Forrestal. Note- MOST of those memories I’ve been trying to forget for 30 years…

Shipboard Evolutions-

1. Sit in your car and let it run for four hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly “lit off.”

2. Before leaving or arriving at any location require your family to stand on the hood of the car for the preceding hour. [Special Sea Detail]

3. Empty all the garbage cans in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day even if they don’t require it. [Sweepers]

4. Stand in the sun for an hour without moving a muscle while someone reads the complete Old Testament book of Numbers to you. [Change of Command, Retirement, etc.]

5. While driving in foggy weather, instruct your children to turn around and look out back window and make reports on anything they see. [Low Visibility Watch].

6. Have you wife set off the smoke alarm. Grab a pair of headphones (without walkman) and mic (without cord), run into the kitchen and stand by the stove. To no one in particular say “Stove manned and ready”. Stand there for four hours doing nothing. DO NOT sit down. After four hours say “Stove secured”, once again to no one in particular. Return to your regular business.

7. String lines (ropes) from your roof to your neighbor’s roof at 0500 (5am) have all family members assemble on the roof wearing lifejackets and hard hats. Stand around until 0800 (8am). Send everyone inside telling them it will be 2 hours until they will be needed and they should get breakfast. Wait until they get the first fork of food in their mouth and call them back to the roof. Transfer the contents of your neighbor’s garage to your garage using the lines strung from roof to roof. Repeat every 3 days changing the times to randomly interrupt every meal. [Underway Replenishment at Sea – Unrep]

8. Assemble the family at the local high school football field at 0600 (6am) every day. Have the kids line up side by side to the full width of the field. Tell them you have hidden a gold nugget on the field and if they find it they won’t have to line up at the football field for one day. [Hint: It is very small.] Also inform them that mom is behind them and that she likes to collect things. Have the kids walk slowly toward the other side of the field, heads down, no talking, picking up every piece of chewed gum, lint, or pebble and hand it to mom to put in her handbag. Remind the children that there is a golden nugget so they will be excited and look more intensely. The purpose of the hunt is to keep the lawn mower from sucking something into the blades and spitting it out the other side. [FOD Walk Down]

Ed. note- And this is actually done prior to every launch off the boat. There is actually a good reason, as a jet will suck up just about anything anywhere near the intake, including stray nuts, bolts, and people… Been there, seen it happen… 🙁

FODing an engine means a complete tear down, many manhours, and possibly no repair depending on the damage done.

9. Twice a week at 0230 have your neighbor sneak into your house with a bell and a bullhorn Instruct him to get as close to you as possible without waking you then ring the bell and scream through the bullhorn “Fire! Fire! Fire! There is a Class Alpha Fire in the Galley!” As soon as you peel yourself off the overhead (ceiling) get half dressed and run for the door, have him yell, “This is a drill!” [Fire Drill]

10. Install a 10 inch composite loop fire main system in your house. Designate a closet in your house as a repair locker, equip it with firefighting gear. Hold fire, smoke, and flooding drills every day.11. Enlist a team of paintball players to run through your dining room shouting “Security Alert!” At this, you should drop to the floor (deck). Best done during mealtime.

12. Stand in line at the local mini-mart for a Powerball Lottery ticket when the jackpot is up around $100 million (simulates either the chow line, mail call, or the ships store on payday on an aircraft carrier).

13. Button up your shirt to the neck; pull your socks up over your pant legs; put on a scuba mask and breath into a paper bag while trying to read your least favorite book. Do this for an unknown length of time. (General Quarters).

14. (Submarine Simulation) Install air lines throughout your home with connections every eight feet. Store surplus gas masks (one for each member of the family) under the kitchen table. During your favorite dinner, announce with megaphone “toxic gas in the forward compartment, all hands don EAB’s” (Emergency Air Breathing apparatus). Don the rubber mask and plug into air system. Wait two hours or until dinner is cold and thoroughly congealed. Announce “Secure toxic gas in the forward compartment. Drill is secured.” Do not sit down to eat. Shovel food into your mouth while en-route to the garbage pail. Scrape remaining food from plate into garbage and run upstairs and sit in a closet for six hours. Repeat.

15. (Carrier Operations) Have your neighbor stand across the street on the darkest of nights. Give him a flashlight with a cone on the end so that he can signal you when the coast is clear of oncoming cars. When you’re halfway across, have him change the signal as a car is ten feet from you and blaring its horn. Break into a sprint and trip over the curb as you try to find the darkest set of shadows to hide in.

16. (Carrier Operations) Assemble your neighbors on Super Bowl Sunday in the street with push brooms. Turn on all the garden hoses available and use extra strength dish detergent to wash the street. When half done turn on the fire hydrants to the part you haven’t washed drenching everyone. (Flight Deck Scrub Ex). This is best done when it is either 100+ degrees, or below freezing to get the full impact…

A Shipboard Life…

In honor of the idjit I was sitting next to on the airplane today who though shipboard life was, “Like cool, man; I guess there isn’t much to do when you’re not fighting and stuff, right?” AARRGGGHHHH!!!! whereinhelldothesepeoplecomefrom??? And why in hell do I get stuck next to them???

Do-it-Yourself Kit

~Navy fans who watched the movie “TOP GUN” twice or any one episode of “JAG.”
~Former sea service personnel suffering from “brain fade syndrome.”
~Recruits with illusions of liberty among the natives in Bora Bora.
~Sailors and Marines reporting to their first sea duty.
~Naive youth who has talked to a friendly smiling recruiter in the past week.

EXPERIENCE REAL SHIPBOARD LIFE.~Follow these easy instructions with the aid of your family and friends to recreate the untold joys of life aboard ship.

~Kit easily adapts to Coast Guard Cutters with the addition of white paint and racing stripes.

~Break into a chorus of “Anchors Aweigh” or hum a few lines of “Semper Paratus” and enter the real world of life at sea.

Module 1 : Living Aboard Ship
1. Buy a dumpster, chip the paint off down to bare metal, paint it gray, and live in it for six months. {Coast Guard simulations use white paint.}

2. Run all the piping and the wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.

3. Repaint your entire house once a month.

4. Place metal barriers on the lower 18″ of every door in your house and add eight handles to every door..

5. Pump ten inches of nasty half sewage water into your basement. Pump it out, clean up the mess and paint everything in the basement gray. Repeat frequently for added realism.

6. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, on Tuesday and Thursday set the temperature at 10 degrees. On Saturday and Sunday inform your family that they used too much water during the week and as a result all showering is secured.

7. Stack all beds on top of one another in the closet. Raise your bed to within six inches of the ceiling. Stow all your clothing and possessions in a 36″ x 18″ x 12″ locker. If anyone is sick and throwing up put them in the top bunk.

8. Give the keys to your house to your next door neighbor. Instruct him enter your bedroom every morning at 0530 (5:30 am), and blow a whistle loud enough for Helen Keller to hear. Instruct the neighbor to shout in a amplified megaphone six inches from your ear, “Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lit in all authorized spaces.” “Now give the ship a clean sweep down fore and aft and empty all sh*t cans over the fantail”!

Thanks Ev 🙂

9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she is going to do for the following day. With your family stand in the back yard at 0600 (6 am) while your mother-in-law reads her “Plan of the Day” (POD) to you. Repeat this everyday expect Sunday, unless you are simulating “at sea” in which case you may opt to do it seven days a week.

10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours. Hang a sign on the door that reads, “Secured – Contact OA Div at X-3053.”

11. When you leave your house make sure to take the phone off the hook so it will be busy all day.

12. Observe the ship board multi telephone line rule. One line is always reserved for the use of your father-in-law, one line reserved for your mother-in-law, and the third line is reserved for official business. If you want to make a personal call, walk two blocks to a convenience store and wait in line at the pay phone.

13. Install a bell on the front porch. Whenever your father-in-law comes over ring the bell 4 times and announce his arrival/departure over a megaphone.

14. Every time you leave or enter the house salute the porch light and ask your dog for permission to leave or enter the dwelling.

15. ( Aircraft Carrier Simulation) At random intervals from 1000 to 2200 (10 A.M. to 10 P.M.), have a biker gang with sledgehammers pound on your roof to simulate the launching and recovery of aircraft. At night, after the family has gone to sleep, have the bikers drag chains and heavy equipment across the roof to simulate the ‘re-spotting’ of the aircraft for the next morning’s flight schedule.

16. Install flashlights (battle lanterns) at the precise height at which to bang your head in the dark. Point the flashlight and important items (such as the sofa, all doorways, stove, etc). Occasionally turn the electric power off at the mains and run around the house turning on all the flashlights.

17. Use an air-raid siren for an alarm clock.

18. Remove all wrist watches from the family. Use the dinner bell as a systematic time indicator. Ring it madly when every body is their hungriest and announce the “Chow-line is not open for an hour.” Do not drool when you hear bells.

19. ( Aircraft Carrier Simulation) Have house mover relocate your home ten feet under Runway 19 at Chicago O’Hare International Airport for 6 months.

20. Divide bathroom shower with three partitions. Remove shower nozzle and replace with kitchen sink dish sprayer hooked to the cold water line only. The “extra” two showers now represent actual percentage of operable showers.

21. Remove bathroom sink, mirror, and all shelves. Replace with water fountain for shaving and hygiene use.

22. Do Laundry using only the rinse cycle with paint thinner for detergent. Dry for 10 minutes and randomly redistribute.

23. Have an electrician certify as ‘safe’ and hang a tag on every electrical appliance you own, no matter if the appliance is brand new or if its own manufacturer claims it is up to safety standards.

24. Buy a two year calendar. Carefully mark your EAOS (End of Active Obligated Service) day two years out, and number the days back to the present date for a long count down. Mark each day off for two years, dreaming of the “get out day.” Then march down to personnel and ship over (sign for additional service). [Radioman]

25. Place fire extinguishers on the bulkheads (walls) of your home at elbow level next to the door openings to conveniently rip your shirt.

26. Stand in your living room with all the lights turned out, except for one red light by which you read a small print book.

And for those old sailors out there, I have a couple of more to follow…

Shovel ready…

By now you no doubt have heard the government discussion about “shovel ready” projects to stimulate the economy? If you’re like me, you have no idea what that means other than it’s going to cost me more tax dollars?

Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist Ramirez, Investor’s Business Daily, offers his version here. He nails it.

On another negative note- The Lightbringer signed the $410B 9000 earmark budget bill yesterday in private, no photo’s (that we’ll ever see), no comments other than it’s all Bush’s fault… One interesting “statement” made was that the budget bull, er… bill was required to keep the government functioning. That is an outright LIE!!!

The government has been running on continuing resolutions since Oct. so there was no real rush…

Sippican Cottage…

I lifted this from Drjim at Every Blade of Grass

Wow….just wow.

Pardon me while I tear up.
My father was a Navy SeaBee in the South Pacific during WWII. He quite possibly helped build the airstrip where this man’s father took off and landed. My Dad never wanted to talk about it, either, except for an occasional comment he made while we watched “Victory At Sea” on Sunday afternoons.
Every time I read a story or post like this, the final line from “The Bridges At Toko-Ri” comes back to me.

“Where do we find such men?”

They were a special generation… Sadly, they are dying at a rate of 2600/month. Soon they will all be gone, and with them the foundation of our greatest generation.

DopeyChangey- Very depressing videos…

I just got this from a friend, and I’m sure as hell depressed…

Go here and watch on YouTube, as I can’t upload to the blog tonight. It’s Glenn Beck with a graphic explanation of the amount of money being printed to cover the bailout(s) and budget expansion.

Regardless of your party affiliation, you cannot watch this and NOT be depressed/worried about inflation and devaluation of the dollar…

And go to Evil Conservative Radio to watch the video of Rangel telling a reporter to mind his own God Damn business when questioned about his tax “problems”. I’m at the point I almost believe all the congresscritters believe they are above the law!!!

If this isn’t a commercial for term limits, I don’t know what is…

I’m on the road again, attending a conference on the Left Coast. This afternoon was check-in for the conference, and contrary to previous years, the majority of the conversations this evening were about the budget, the bailout, and how bad things will probably get. Since most of us are working in the R&D arena, either in or out of the government, there is a real fear there will be no money pumped into R&D for new technologies, based on threats from Frank and other congresscritters who want to pull money from the Military and move it into social programs…

I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but many of the current technologies we all enjoy every day came out of military research- Among others, the Internet, smart wheelchairs, bluetooth technology, CGI for movies, cell phone technology, and quite a few others…

What happens when we no longer have that R&D being done???

Kicking the soapbox back in the corner… now back to the regularly scheduled crap…

HopeyChangey my ass…

AARRGGGHHHH!!! Orszag went on Face the Nation and at least one other talk show and spewed this garbage this morning…

When it comes to dealing with all those pet projects in the big spending bill before Congress, President Barack Obama’s budget chief says wait until next year.

White House budget director Peter Orszag says the Obama administration isn’t happy with the billions of dollars aimed at lawmakers’ pet projects — also known as earmarks. Obama had campaigned on changing the way such money is appropriated by Congress.

Yet Orszag says Obama doesn’t want to revisit the spending bill Congress put together before he was elected and wants to move on. Next year, according to Orszag, when Obama is fully involved in the next budget from the start, earmarks will be handled differently.

Is anybody else getting as frustrated with this as I am??? The Lightbringer wants to let all these earmarks through, blame it on Bush, and then, since THEY ARE ALREADY IN EFFECT, continue to fund them in the out years…

On the arms front- A little truth in advertising about the Mexican arms issues- If anybody really got a good look at the pictures of those so called American weapons exported to Mexico, the weapons are full up M-16’s, full auto AKs, pineapple grenades (which the US hasn’t issued since the 60’s, RPG’s and at least one 60mm mortar! Last time I looked, ALL of those are illegal in the US unless you have a Class III license…

The reality is most of the weapons the drug gangs are getting/using are coming from Mexican Army deserters, the cartels in Columbia, and Nicaragua. Of course, the Lightbringer’s folks and Holder AREN’T telling the public that…

It may be time for a divorce…

I got this today, and it pretty much says it all…

Dear, American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


A WASP Conservative

(Better known to the Left as one of those bitter working-class people who are clinging to their guns and religion in this time of need.)

Medvedev slaps down Lightbringer…

The Lightbringer got slapped down by Medvedev today, after the letter being leaked about the proposed deal to stop building the missle defense network (leaving the Poles et al hung out to dry), if they would get Iran to back off.

Yoo hoo- Hey Washington, this is not backyard deals, you’re now playing in the REAL WORLD…

Medvedev/Putin are going to eat the new administration for breakfast…

Random Road stuff…

Yet AGAIN I’m sitting in a hotel room on the road… sigh…

Anyhoo- I reported in Dec on the amount of NICS checks for Nov being at an all time high. Well here’s an update!

Nov 08- 1,529,635
Dec 08- 1,523,426
Jan 09- 1,213,885

If this is any indicator, guns sales are the ONE area of the economy that is NOT in trouble… 🙂

On other fronts, ANOTHER democrat didn’t pay is taxes, but he’s going into the cabinet anyway- Kirk, former Mayor of Dallas… I’m at the point I just cannot believe this crap any more…

And Citibank has finally decided to help those behind on their mortgages- but only for 3 months and ONLY if the people bring in a sheet showing they are getting unemployment… sigh… Big Whoop… And now AIG is want more billions or they will fold-

Fine! Let the idjits fold!!! Then the bottom will fall out, the loans will go bad, and we can start back up. If they keep propping these idjits up, who knows how many BILLIONS will go down that rat hole?

A side note- I was talking to a friend in Texas today, the small local banks seem to be NOT having a problem, because they have not been forced to give subprime loans… They actually made people qualify! Gee what a novel concept!

Another POS idea coming out, is the whole enforced carbon reduction thing… India and China WILL NOT PLAY! All that will do is drive US goods prices even higher, and oh by the way, the Lightbringer’s minions have now decided we don’t pay enough for electricity! They are going to force prices up so that Solar, et al become the preferred alternatives!!! WTFO?

On a positive note- GUN NUTS tonight! 9pm EST- Tonight will be a discussion/presentation by Blackfork on the Battle of the Alamo. Having followed Robert’s blogging of the daily events, I’m looking forward to it!

Hide your wallet and "enjoy" the show, part 2…

Based on some comments from the earlier post, I dug this out tonight. you can go HERE and view the breakouts by state and town of the stimulus bill, courtesy of Stimulus Watch.

I must have missed this one on the news… Yeah, right…

About a week ago, there was a fairly large protest outside the high school in Mesa Arizona where Obama went to pitch his mortgage bailout package. The MSM has purposefully ignored the protest but it’s in the Internet blogs and on talk radio. And at Stickerpatch, they have photos up that were taken of the protest.

h/t Mikey

And from the WSJ today…

Declining Defense, The Wall Street Journal, 2 March 2009

Obama’s budget does cut one federal department. For all of his lavish new spending plans, President Obama is making one major exception: defense. His fiscal 2010 budget telegraphs that Pentagon spending is going to be under pressure in the years going forward.The White House proposes to spend $533.7 billion on the Pentagon, a 4% increase over 2009. Include spending on Iraq and Afghanistan, which would be another $130 billion (or a total of $664 billion), and overall defense spending would be around 4.2% of GDP, the same as 2007.

However, that 4% funding increase for the Pentagon trails the 6.7% overall rise in the 2010 budget — and defense received almost nothing extra in the recent stimulus bill. The Joint Chiefs requested $584billion for 2010 and have suggested a spending floor of 4% of GDP. Both pleas fell on deaf ears. The White House budget puts baseline defense spending at 3.7% of GDP, not including Iraq and Afghanistan.

The budget summary pleads “scarce resources” for the defense shortfall, which is preposterous given the domestic spending blowout.

(bold and italics mine- This is PURE BS!!!)

More ominously, Mr. Obama’s budget has overall defense spending falling sharply starting in future years — to $614 billion in 2011, and staying more or less flat for a half decade. This means that relative both to the economy and especially to domestic priorities, defense spending is earmarked to decline. Some of this assumes less spending on Iraq, which is realistic, but it also has to take account of Mr. Obama’s surge in Afghanistan. That war won’t be cheap either.The danger is that Mr. Obama may be signaling a return to the defense mistakes of the 1990s.

Yep, we’re sure as hell going down that road again!!!

Bill Clinton slashed defense spending to 3% of GDP in 2000, from 4.8% in 1992. We learned on 9/11 that 3% isn’t nearly enough to maintain our commitments and fight a war on terror –and President Bush spent his two terms getting back to more realistic outlays for a global superpower.

American defense needs are, if anything, even more daunting today. Given challenges in the Mideast and new dangers from Iran, an erratic Russia, a rising China, and potential threats in outer space and cyberspace, the U.S. should be in the midst of a concerted military modernization. Mr. Obama’s budget isn’t adequate to meet those challenges.

That means Secretary of Defense Robert Gates faces some hard choices when he finishes his strategic review this spring. An early glimpse will come soon when the Pentagon must decide whether to continue to purchase more Lockheed F-22 Raptors.

Barney Fwank wants the money for HIS programs, NOT Defense… Besides he wants to “pay back” the Southern Republicans for their lack of support…

The Air Force is set to buy 183 of the next generation fighters, though it wanted 750, which would be enough to give the U.S. air supremacy over battlefields over the next three decades. Now the fighter may be prematurely mothballed.Weapons programs, such as missile defense or the Army’s Future Combat Systems, are also in danger. Others have been ridiculously delayed.The Air Force flies refueling tankers from the Eisenhower era. Mr.Obama’s own 30-something Marine One helicopter is prone to break down and technologically out of date.The Pentagon shouldn’t get a blank check, though much of its procurement waste results from the demands made by Congress.

Mr. Gates has also rightly focused on the immediate priority of irregular warfare and counterinsurgency. But history also teaches that a nation that downplays potential threats — such as from China in outer space– is likely to find itself ill-prepared when they arrive.The U.S. ability to project power abroad has been crucial to maintaining a relatively peaceful world, but we have been living off the fruits of our Cold War investments for too long. We can’t afford another lost defense decade.

We can’t but if the Lightbringer gets in for 8 years, no telling what shape our Defense Department will be in- Probably worse than under Carter, which was the lowest since WWII. Also, it’s interesting that not once did the WSJ refer to the Lightbringer as President.

Combine this with his speech the other day at LeJeune where they cut away from the Marines faces because they were getting pissed, to only showing their backs, and the fact that Freedom and Victory were never mentioned (I don’t believe), this does NOT bode well for us… sigh…