With the Debbie Downer crap… What will be, will be. Ain’t a damn thing we can do about it until next year…
So…
Southern Ladies
Two ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.
The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.
The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.”
The lady from the South commented, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.
Again, the lady from the South commented, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
The first woman continued boasting, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”
“My husband sent me to charm school,” declared the Southern lady.
“Charm school?” the first woman cried, “Oh, my God! What on earth for?”
The Southern lady responded, “Well for example, instead of saying “Who gives a s**t?” I learned to say, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
+++++++++++
A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas labour Department
got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an
investigator out to interview him.
“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded
the investigator.
“Well,” replied the rancher, “there’s my ranch hand who’s been with me
for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board.
“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus
free room and board.
“Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does
about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board.
But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps
with my wife occasionally.”
“That’s the guy I want to talk to … the half-wit,” says the investigator.
“That would be me,” replied the rancher.
+++++++++
An Old Farmer’s/Rancher’s/Chuck Wagon Cook’s Advice:
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight And bull-strong.
*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor .
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
* Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get Older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever Have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a Lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot Easier than puttin’ it back in.
* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some Influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
*Never fight with a woman. You’ll lose.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
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Dont pick a fight with an old man, if he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
