The day AFTER Christmas

Posted on by December 25, 2019

I’m still full from yesterday… sigh…

Feel for the parents out today hunting more batteries for the kid’s toys…

The Day After Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin’ even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said “U.S. POSTMAN.”

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

“Now Dillard’s, now Broadway’s, now Penny’s and Sears
Here’s Robinson’s, Levitz’s and Target’s and Mervyn’s.

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway–chargeaway–chargeaway all!”

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
“ENJOY WHAT YOU BOUGHT…….
YOU’LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!”

And you can file this away for next year…                                                                               

image001According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.  Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth  in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition  depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Guess I’ll go look in the fridge to find what’s left from yesterday’s dinner to munch on today… 🙂

It’s THAT night…

Posted on by December 23, 2019

The Department of the Navy issued orders today to Adm. S. Claus, recalling him to active duty, with a report date of Dec. 24, 2019. A reservist, with 1,742 years of service, this Naval Aviator specializes in vertical delivery of high-value items. He is carrier flight deck qualified. He is also a Public Affairs Officer.

Also recalled, were Lt. Cmdr. Dasher, Master Chief Dancer, Senior Chief Prancer, Lt. Vixen, Cmdr. Comet, Lt. Cmdr. Cupid, AW1 Donner, and AW1 Blitzen, Individual Augmentees from the Naval Reserve. Ensign Rudolph is also authorized to report for duty; however, he must first successfully complete Carrier Qual training, which he has failed three times.

Although the above Sailors are on orders for only 24 hours, it is anticipated that they will submit a travel claim for 24,901 miles at .56/mile, using a POV. Suitable government transportation is not available.

As a special operations unit, each member is granted a high level of uniform flexibility, as well as relaxed grooming standards. Per diem is authorized and has been modified to include large quantities of hot cocoa and cookies.

shoexmas

Carrier Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, And up on the roof,

No Hoover was stirring- nor Shadow, nor Stoof.

The aircraft were fastened, To tiedowns with care,

In hopes that come morning, They all would be there.

The air wing was nestled, All snug in their racks,

The flight deck was closed, 60 knots at our backs.

So I slumped over my desk in Flight Deck Control,

And settled down comfortably, hearing nary a soul.

When the radio lit up, With noise and chatter,

I turned up the scanner, To see what was the matter.

A voice clearly heard, Over static and snow,

Called for clearance to land, with a green deck or no.

He barked his transmission, So lively and quick,

Couldn’t hear him too well, But think his call sign was “St.Nick”.

I called up to Pri-Fly, To turn up the lights,

The better to welcome, This magical flight.

The radio then squawked, and I heard his faint call,

“St. Nicholas One, Santa’s callin’ the ball!”

And then to my wondering eyes, There did suddenly appear,

A Lockheed-built sleigh, With eight G.E. Reindeer!

With vectors to final, Down the glide slope he came,

As he cheered on his engines, He called them by name.

Now Buda! Now Growler! Now Yukon and Slash!

On Monkey-Butt! On Connie! ” I hope they don’t crash.

While FDCs were sittin’, And scratchin’ their head,

The Boss phoned my office, And I heard it with dread.

The message he left, Was both urgent and dour:

“When Santa’s tied down, tell him Merry Christmas from the tower.”

He landed like silk, though the tailhook was sparkin’,

I thought to myself, where the hell do I park him?

He raised up his hook, and was ready to go,

clearing the landing area, with a “Ho-Ho-Ho…”

He stepped out of the sleigh, But before he talks,

I ran out to meet him, With my best set of chocks.

His red helmet and goggles, Were covered with frost,

And his beard was all blackened, From Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, Gone slightly stale,

And he puffed on a pipe, But didn’t inhale.

His cheeks were all rosy, And jiggled like jelly,

His fight boots were as brown, As a cropduster’s belly.

He was chubby and plump, his suit as red as can be,

And he asked me to “fill it, thousand pounds of JP.”

Then he came dashing in, From the snow-covered pump,

I knew he was anxious, For drainin’ the sump.

I spoke not a word, But went straight to my work,

And I filled up the sleigh, But I spilled like a jerk.

He came out of the head, And sighed in relief,

Then he called the weather guessers, For an updated brief.

And I thought as he silently, Scribed in his log,

These reindeer could land, In an eighth-mile fog.

He completed his pre-flight, From the front to the rear,

Then he put on his headset, And I heard him yell, “Clear!”

Then he keyed up his mic, with a voice that just roared,

“Hey Boss, this is Santa, I’ll need a 52 board.”

He taxied up to the bow, and a Cat 1 spot,

he saluted the yellow shirt, he was ready to be shot.

He launched off the cat, The best of the best,

“Your traffic’s an S-3, Inbound from the west”

Then I heard him proclaim, As he climbed thru the night,

“Merry Christmas to all! I have traffic in sight.

TSO brings the goodness…

I hope this night finds you safe in home and hearth with family. Say a prayer for those in the military on duty world-wide who protect our freedoms, and the LEOs, Fire/EMS, and many others standing the duty tonight…

Is is Christmas YET???

Posted on by December 22, 2019

Twas the Night Before Christmas in Yonkers

‘Twas the night before Christmas,

Da whole house was mella,

Not a creature was stirrin’,

Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

 

When up on da roof

I heard somethin’ pound,

I sprung to da window,

To scream, “YO! Keep it down!”

 

When what to my

Wanderin’ eyes should appear,

But da Don of all elfs,

And eight friggin’ reindeer!

 

Wit’ slicked back black hair,

And a silk red suit,

Don Christopher wuz here,

And he brought da loot!

 

Wit’ a slap to dare snouts,

And a yank on dare manes,

He cursed and he shouted,

And he called dem by name.

 

“Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,

Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,

Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,

Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!”

 

As I drew out my gun

And hid by da bed,

He flew troo da winda

And slapped me up side da head.

 

“What da hell you doin’

Pullin’ a gun on da Don?

Now all you’re gettin’ is coal,

You friggin’ moron!”

 

Den pointin’ a fat finga

Right unda my nose,

He twisted his pinky ring,

And up da chimney he rose.

 

He sprang to his sleigh,

Obscenities screamin’,

Away dey all flew,

Before he troo dem a beatin’.

 

Den I heard him yell out,

Two, tree times, I expect

“Merry Friggin’ Christmas to all,

And you’s better show some respect!

+++++++++

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he’s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.

He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn’t seem to be much for singing.

The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet’s left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; “Silent Night, Holy Night.” The husband is very impressed with Chet’s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet’s right foot. Chet now starts to sing “Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way.” The husband says Chet is perfect and that he’ll take him.

The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot’s special talent.

Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet’s left foot and the bird sings “Silent Night.” He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of “Jingle Bells.”

The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet’s legs instead.

Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird’s legs, and the bird begins to sing–      “Chet’s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!”

++++++++++

And one to ponder…

Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone

In a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone

I had come down the chimney with presents to give

And to see just who in this home did live

 

I looked all about, a strange sight I did see

No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree

No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand

On the wall hung pictures of far distant lands

 

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds

A sober thought did come through my mind

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary

I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly

 

The soldier lay sleeping, silent and alone

Curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder

Not how I pictured a United States soldier

 

Was this the hero of whom I’d just read?

Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

I realized the families that I saw this night

Owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight

 

Soon round the world, the children would play

And grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas day

They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year

Because of the soldiers, like the one lying here

 

I couldn’t help wonder how many lay alone

On a cold Christmas eve in a land far from home

The very thought brought a tear to my eye

I dropped to my knees and started to cry

 

The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice

Santa don’t cry, this life is my choice

I fight for freedom, I don’t ask for more

My life is my God, my Country, my Corps

 

The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep

I couldn’t control it, I continued to weep

I kept watch for hours, so silent and still

And we both shivered from the cold nights chill

 

I didn’t want to leave on that cold, dark, night

This guardian of honor so willing to fight

Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure

Whispered Carry on Santa, all is secure

 

One look at my watch and I knew he was right

Merry Christmas, my friend, and to all a good night

 

By:  Major Bruce Lovely, adopted from a similar poem

by Anonymous.

Dueling Jingle Bells…

Posted on by December 20, 2019

Yet more Navy Band having fun, Country Current does it in ‘style’… 🙂

By the way, most of these folks have at least one degree in music, and are all successful performers and writers of music!

Book promo…

Posted on by December 20, 2019

This week is featuring local authors…

First up is Peter Grant with the fourth book in the Ames series- A River of Horns

As always, click on the cover for the link!

The blurb-

Walt Ames and his Texas partner, Tyler Reese, know that the U.S. Army is bound and determined to push the Comanche and Kiowa tribes onto the reservation for good. Once the Texas Panhandle is pacified, millions of acres of land will become available. They aim to be among the first to set up a ranch there – but that’ll take money… a whole lot of money.

How do you raise money for a cattle ranch? By selling cattle, of course! Buy them where they’re cheap, sell them where they’re dear, and use the profits to bankroll your project. It sounds simple – until storms, floods, fires, cow thieves and stampedes show up. They’ll have to buy their cattle in blood, as well as money…

As always, a well researched good read!!!

Kathey Gray is another local author, who mainly writes YA, but One Drunk Text is a bit different. 🙂

The blurb-

It’s your twenty-first birthday, what’s the worst thing that could happen? That you’d get drunk and text your super sexy best friend that you’ve secretly been in love with him for twelve years? For Corinne Powell, that’s a reality. She’s forced to deal with the after-affects of her reckless, inebriated decision, with no one to blame but herself…and Tequila of course. Will she regret her confession? Or was her and Garrett’s romance destined to be? And after years of running from her emotions and hiding her feelings, she’s faced with the most terrifying question of all, does he love her back? One thing’s for sure, the truth always has a way of revealing itself. See what One Drunk Text can do.

Next is Wayne Whisnand with another short story in Tole’s life- Here There Be Pirates

The blurb-

A short story about an inter-dimensional assassin who is hired by a group of pirates to eliminate a local government official.

Wayne’s got a twisted character here who gets into some ‘interesting’ situations… 🙂

Next is Alyssa Mayley, with a middle grade book- Arcane Adventures

The blurb-

The simplest of choices sometimes carry the biggest consequences. For that reason, you must be on guard of each choice you make throughout the day. If you’re not, you may just end up in an unfortunate situation.

Like Adam, a boy who chose to take the scenic route to school, only to find himself facing unimaginable monsters. Or that bullying someone could stir the ire of a covert society of spies. You might even learn it is impossible to keep a determined penguin prisoner, or that autumn winds are playful and full of mischief.

Only you can make the choice — if you’re brave enough — to explore this collection of stories and poems to discover a world filled with mischief, mystery, and adventure.

Next is Beverly Stowe McClure’s mid grade book- A Family for Leona

The blurb-

Ten-year-old Leona Chapter doesn’t understand why her papa left his six children at the Brooklyn Home for Homeless Children after their mother’s death in 1921. Each day she prays he’ll return and take his children home. God, however, isn’t listening. Her brothers and sisters are either adopted or run away, leaving only Leona and Baby Mildred in the orphanage. Leona promises she and Mildred will be together for always. A promise she cannot keep, for Leona, along with her friend Noah, who she defends from the bullies Hiram and Jehu, and several other orphans, are soon on a train headed to Texas, while her sister stays at the orphanage. Leona vows she’ll go back to Brooklyn, the first chance she gets. An Orphan Train tale of the early 1900s

And last, but certainly not least, Kari Lynn Collins and Kevin Slimp’s collection of ghosts and hauntings in Texas- Haunted Places and Ghost Sightings Across Texas

The blurb-

Edited by prize-winning authors Kari Lynn Collins and Kevin Slimp. Hold on tight! This books contains 25 chapters filled with stories directly from the pages of Texas newspapers and the pens of Texas paranormal experts. These stories come from every corner of the state, from El Paso to Tyler. These tales include such spine-tingling titles as “Funeral Home Haunting,” “Haunted Limes at the Jefferson Hotel,” “Legend of Pigman,” and “Burkeville Cemetery Hauntings.” One piece of advices…don’t read this book alone!

Enjoy!

Snerk…

Posted on by December 19, 2019

And some more sailors… From the Navy Band!!!

They don’t take themselves seriously ALL the time… 🙂

Bored sailors…

Posted on by December 18, 2019

Snerk…

Naval Air Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, And out on the ramp,
Not an airplane was stirring, Not even a Champ.
The aircraft were fastened, To tiedowns with care,
In hopes that come morning, They all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, All snug in their spots,
With gusts from two-forty, At 39 knots.
I slumped at the fuel desk, Now finally caught up,
And settled down comfortably, Resting my butt.

When the radio lit up, With noise and chatter,
I turned up the scanner, To see what was the matter.
A voice clearly heard, Over static and snow,
Called for clearance to land, At the airport below.

He barked his transmission, So lively and quick,
Couldn’t hear him too well, But think his call sign was “St.Nick”.
I ran to the panel, To turn up the lights,
The better to welcome, This magical flight.

He called his position, No room for denial,
“St. Nicholas One, Turnin’ left onto final.”
And then to my wondering eyes, There did suddenly appear,
A Rutan-built sleigh, With eight Rotax Reindeer!

With vectors to final, Down the glide slope he came,
As he passed all fixes, He called them by name.
Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!
On Comet! On Cupid! ” What pills was he takin’?

While controllers were sittin’, And scratchin’ their head,
They phoned to my office, And I heard it with dread.
The message they left, Was both urgent and dour:
“When Santa pulls in, Have him please call the tower.”

He landed like silk, With the sled runners sparking,
Then I heard “Left at Charlie,” And “Taxi to parking.”
He slowed to a taxi, Turned off of three-oh,
And stopped on the ramp, With a “Ho-Ho-Ho…”

He stepped out of the sleigh, But before he talks,
I ran out to meet him, With my best set of chocks.
His red helmet and goggles, Were covered with frost,
And his beard was all blackened, From Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, Gone slightly stale,
And he puffed on a pipe, But didn’t inhale.
His cheeks were all rosy, And jiggled like jelly,
His boots were as black, As a cropduster’s belly.

He was chubby and plump, In his suit of bright red,
And he asked me to “fill it, With hundred low-lead.”
Then he came dashing in, From the snow-covered pump,
I knew he was anxious, For drainin’ the sump.

I spoke not a word, But went straight to my work,
And I filled up the sleigh, But I spilled like a jerk.
He came out of the restroom, And sighed in relief,
Then he picked up a phone, For a Flight Service brief.

And I thought as he silently, Scribed in his log,
These reindeer could land, In an eighth-mile fog.
He completed his pre-flight, From the front to the rear,
Then he put on his headset, And I heard him yell, “Clear!”

And laying a finger, On his push-to-talk,
He called up the tower, For clearance and squawk.
“Take taxiway Charlie, The southbound direction,
Turn right three-two-zero, At pilot’s discretion”

He sped down the runway, The best of the best,
“Your traffic’s a P3, Inbound from the west”
Then I heard him proclaim, As he climbed thru the night,
“Merry Christmas to all! I have traffic in sight.

Just DO IT…

Posted on by December 17, 2019

Get the damn impeachment vote done in the House already. Stop with the @%$$##$% posturing and vote so the BS can move to the Senate and be done away with…

Chuck U sure has a different story today than he did in 1999 about witnesses, and I find it curious that he ‘released’ his letter to the media with his requirements at the same time as he sent it to McConnel.

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, who announced Sunday he wants to summon four witnesses to testify at a Senate trial if the House impeaches President Trump, voted against calling witnesses when President Bill Clinton was impeached in 1999.

Schumer, a New York Democrat, was a new senator in January 1999 when he cast one of his first votes in the chamber to dismiss the case against Clinton and against a motion to subpoena witnesses.

Full article, HERE. And another article, HERE.

So he is SURE the president WILL be impeached by the House… Telling, in that the vote hasn’t been held yet, nothing has been forwarded to the Senate, and now Schumer wants the Pubs to ‘play fair’… Really?

Just get it over with… And get your asses back to the business of America, like the new NAFTA, a BUDGET for God’s sake, and do something with healthcare!

116 years ago…

Posted on by December 16, 2019

Somebody did something…

At a place called Kitty Hawk…

At 10:35am, Orville released the restraining wire. The flyer moved down the rail as Wilbur steadied the wings. Just as Orville left the ground, John Daniels, a member of the lifesaving station, snapped the shutter on a preset camera, capturing the iconic image of the airborne aircraft with Wilbur running alongside. Again the flyer was unruly, pitching up and down as Orville overcompensated with the controls. But he kept it aloft until it hit the sand about 120 feet from the rail. Into the 27-mph wind, the groundspeed had been 6.8 mph, for a total airspeed of 34 mph. The flight lasted only 12 seconds, and the distance covered was less than the total length of a modern passenger airliner. But for the first time, a manned, heavier-than-air machine left the ground by its own power, moved forward under control without losing speed, and landed on a point as high as that from which it started. The brothers took turns flying three more times that day, getting a feel for the controls and increasing their distance with each flight. Wilbur’s second flight – the fourth and last of the day – was an impressive 852 feet in 59 seconds.

Full article, HERE.

Two bicycle mechanics from Dayton, Ohio, both high school dropouts, changed the world that day by making the first powered aircraft flight. I wonder if in their wildest imagination they would have believed where we are today with aviation, space stations, and probes wandering the galaxy.

All because their father brought home a small model helicopter made of cork, bamboo and paper, and powered by a rubber band to twirl its blades, the model was based on a design by the French aeronautical pioneer Alphonse Pénaud.

Human ingenuity is absolutely amazing…