Nobody Asked Me…

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack – selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, “Do you have water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water.  Would you like to buy a tie?  They are only $5.”

The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot Infidel!  I do not need such an over-priced western adornment – I spit on your ties. I need water!”

“Sorry, I have   none – just ties – pure silk – and only $5.”

“Pahh!  A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!”

“Okay,” said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me infidel.  I will show you that I am bigger than any of that.  If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant.  It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need.  Go in peace.”

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!”

An old country preacher……had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects..

1. A Bible…

2. A silver dollar…

3. A bottle of whisky…

4. And a Playboy magazine…

‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself. ‘When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.

If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a

Blessing that would be!

If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a Skirt-chasing womanizer.’

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month’s centerfold.

‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered.

‘He’s gonna run for Congress.’