Had dinner last week with an old friend and his family (we met 32 years ago this month in OCS), he’s a retired Navy Commander, former CO of a DDG and now working for the Navy as a SME…
During dinner his oldest daughter (21 and December grad from UCSD in EE) brought up an interesting point. She said something to the effect that ‘we’ had an entirely different perspective and value set than most of her peer’s parents she’d met…
This kinda sent us down a rathole…
What it came down to were some of the following (and all three kids DID contribute to the discussion)
Experience(s)- The time away from home (deployments) and separation anxiety, the moves, and not being able to talk about what went on while underway. His wife said this was the hardest, and she’d had to step up and come out of her shell to handle things; in addition to, as the CO’s wife, being there for all the other wives…
The kids all thought the moves actually HELPED them because it forced them to deal better with people, and gave them more confidence in dealing with both kids and adults (and themselves).
Perceptions of happiness and success- Homecomings were the number one ‘happiness’ quotient for the wife and kids… Daddy was home safe (again), and the day he retired from the Navy (wife’s happiest day, no more deployments). For the kids it was the roller coaster of emotions that taught them to deal with their own emotions and their mother’s. And it was the obvious pride the parents had in their accomplishments; including both dad and mom making it to their sports games, etc. That made all three kids happy as they all said many parents never even showed up, or just dropped the kids off…
His (and his wife’s) pinnacle of success was the CO slot… One of 10,000 that actually made it to that position, and a successful tour marked the high point of his career, and the low point of the wife’s interactions (having to deal with all the other wives). By any measure that is a huge success, but that really is only within the military. Oldest daughter brought up that one of her peers parents were millionaires, big homes, nice cars, private airplanes, but their home life was a wreck compared to her family. He’s now a GS, and providing expertise on ‘systems’ for the Navy, he acknowledged he could make more as a consultant/contractor, but like me, he believes we are able to make a difference and helping to keep the kids out there today safer than we were…
The ‘money’ quote- “It’s not always about money. It’s being able to be here now nad spend time with my family; and making an impact however small on the direction the Navy is going. I’m making enough for a reasonable lifestyle and we’re happy with that.”
Psychological age- We’ve both been accused of never growing up… Nuff said… 😀
Life goals- Being realistic in those goals, and still setting them high enough to be a ‘challenge’ to make them… Meeting the goals and moving on to new goals, not resting on one’s laurels (so to speak)… And sharing those goals with family, especially the wife who had to step up.
Family importance, and the ‘key’ to a successful family- From their perspective, it’s spending time together as a family, their religious beliefs, supporting each other whatever the endeavor, and resisting the ‘impulse’ to keep up with the Jones…
And I had very similar (continuation) of that conversation with LL and Opus. And they basically concurred…
Anyhoo… My .02 worth… Comments??? Thoughts???
