A little humor…

Posted on by September 1, 2024

Sigh…

I tried to catch some fog.  I mist.

·  When chemists die, they barium.

·  Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

·  A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is
now a seasoned veteran.

·  I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.  He says he can stop any time.

·  How does Moses make his tea?  Hebrews it.

·  I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.  Then it dawned on me.

·  This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
but I’d never met herbivore.

·  I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I can’t put it down.

·  I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words .

·  They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

·  This dyslexic man walks into a bra .

·  I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

·  A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

·  When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

·  What does a clock do when it’s hungry?  It goes back four seconds..

·  I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

·  Broken pencils are pointless.

·  What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

·  England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

·  I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

·  I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

·  All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen.
Police say they have nothing to go on.

·  I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

·  Velcro – what a rip off!

·  Cartoonist found dead in home.  Details are sketchy.

+++++++++

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned…couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it …mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef — figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

I tried self-employment but I couldn’t get along with the boss.

Book promo…

Posted on by August 31, 2024

First up is Peter Nealan with a new series, Edge of the Imperium, Spheres of Influence

As always, click on the cover for the Amazon link!

The blurb-

A“Peacekeeping”Mission That Might Be Anything But

Lieutenant Bannon and his phalanx of Corvanite warriors have already seen some of the worst that the irregular war between the reptilian otuchans and the human latecomers can offer.

Or so they think.

First Sergeant Draven, trying to hold his company of Zolarian citizen soldiers together, has been on the desolate planet of Zhogalgan longer than Bannon. He’s seen even more.

Yet while they are both there as peacekeepers, they are not there to help each other.

Spheres of influence and empires clash, on a dry, harsh world that might become the flashpoint in an interstellar war!

Next is Pam Uphoff with a new story in her Chronicles of the Fall series, Best Enemies

The blurb-

Hayden Jaeger, youngest son of the Chairman of the Council and Ambrose Vinogradov, the youngest son of the Founder, were thrown together by random chance as they were assigned to be dorm mate at the University. It was not an instant friendship.

300 years before the fall of the Troystvennyy Soyuz, the foundations of a secret society are about to be laid down . . .

Last but not least, Raconteur Press is out with a new anthology, Steam Rising

The blurb-

Steampunk. It’s not just a genre, it is science fiction in its purest form. In this collection, you will read of the ways that technology could both help and harm mankind. Steam power took a special kind of bravery to use and master, and the people who live in a steam-powered world adjust to that need: engineers, inventors, tinkerers and experimentalists of every kind and every manner imaginable.

Within, you will meet clockmakers and war-widows, steamship captains and airship pilots; you will see wailing engines race and clanking automata strut. Hurry on! The engineer is feeding the coal, and says she’s raring to go.

See that red lever over there? Grip ‘er tight, and heave forward the throttle…

Labor Day…

Posted on by August 30, 2024

Weekend…

Observed the first Monday in September, Labor Day is an annual celebration of the social and economic achievements of American workers. The holiday is rooted in the late nineteenth century, when labor activists pushed for a federal holiday to recognize the many contributions workers have made to America’s strength, prosperity, and well-being.

Before it was a federal holiday, Labor Day was recognized by labor activists and individual states. After municipal ordinances were passed in 1885 and 1886, a movement developed to secure state legislation. New York was the first state to introduce a bill, but Oregon was the first to pass a law recognizing Labor Day, on February 21, 1887. During 1887, four more states – Colorado, Massachusetts, New Jersey and New York – passed laws creating a Labor Day holiday. By the end of the decade Connecticut, Nebraska and Pennsylvania had followed suit. By 1894, 23 more states had adopted the holiday, and on June 28, 1894, Congress passed an act making the first Monday in September of each year a legal holiday.

It’s now a three day holiday, and at least in Texas, also the start of Dove season…

When I was a kid, we started school after Labor Day and usually ended in late May (weather dependent). Now days… sigh…

And hopefully, we’ll start seeing ‘some’ break in the weather, because I know ‘we’ could use one! Multiple days over 100 degrees are not fun.

So, enjoy your long weekend, and the cookout you’ve got planned!!!

If…

Posted on by August 29, 2024

Got this from ‘various’ mil and R&D sources…

I was in charge of DOD for a day, Georgia Tech would NEVER get a government contract again, and would have to pay back ALL the $$ sent them!!!

Dr. Emmanouil “Manos” Antonakakis runs a Georgia Tech cybersecurity lab and has attracted millions of dollars in the last few years from the US government for Department of Defense research projects like “Rhamnousia: Attributing Cyber Actors Through Tensor Decomposition and Novel Data Acquisition.”

The government yesterday sued Georgia Tech in federal court, singling out Antonakakis and claiming that neither he nor Georgia Tech followed basic (and required) security protocols for years, knew they were not in compliance with such protocols, and then submitted invoices for their DoD projects anyway. (Read the complaint.) The government claims this is fraud:

Full article, HERE from Ars Technica.

For my ‘sins’ for over a dozen years, I worked with a number of UARCs and FFRDCs (list HERE of DOD S&T organizations) on various R&D programs for the Navy. All of them had stringent security requirements, and they were routinely ‘checked’ by our security folks for compliance.

EVERY organization I worked with was subject to hacking attempts almost daily by Russian/Chinese/Iranian government organs, and HUMINT intrusions by ‘students’…

So the best bet is that anything Georgia Tech was working on was/is compromised and probably has been since day two of it’s existence.

Egos… Gah!!!

How many remember…

Posted on by August 28, 2024

Hollywood Squares?

My mother and grandmother ‘loved’ watching that show and laughing at the nonsensical answers usually given by Paul Lynde. Here is a bit of Lynde’s version of humor in response to Peter Marshall, the show’s host.

Peter Marshall: “Eddie Fisher recently said, ‘I am sorry. I am sorry for them both.’ Who was he referring to?”

Paul Lynde: “His fans.”

Marshall: “According to Tony Randall, ‘Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…’ what?”

Lynde: “Bitterly disappointed.”

Marshall: “Paul, how many fingers in the girl scout salute?”

Lynde: “Gee, I don’t remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn’t buy their cookies.”

Marshall: “Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?”

Lynde: “No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing.”

Marshall: “Paul, any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell ‘Man overboard!’ What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?”

Lynde: “Full speed ahead!”

Marshall: “What are ‘dual-purpose cattle’ good for that other cattle aren’t?”

Lynde: “They give milk… and cookies, but I don’t recommend the cookies.”

Marshall: “Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?”

Lynde: “Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.”

Marshall: “According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?”

Lynde: “11.”

Marshall: “What’s the one thing you should never do in bed?”

Lynde: “Point and laugh!”

Marshall: “In ‘The Wizard Of Oz’, the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want?”

Lynde: “He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.”

Marshall: “In the Shakespearean play ‘King Lear,’ King Lear had three of them – Goneril, Cordelia, and Regan? Who were they?”

Lynde: “King Lear had Goneril?”

Marshall: “Paul, everyone knows the first verse: What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / Early in the morning? But what is the first line of the next verse?”

Lynde : [singing] “Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Early in the morning.” [audience laughs] “How disgusting… that poor sailor!”

Marshall: “True or false, Paul Revere had 16 children?”

Lynde: “From ONE midnight ride?”

Marshall: “Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. What was it?”

Lynde: “Let’s see… toupees? Facelifts? Contact lenses?”

Marshall: “Now cut that out!”

Lynde: “Makeup? Capped teeth? Loud sports jackets?”

You don’t see that kind of humor anymore… for better or worse…

Cleaning up…

Posted on by August 27, 2024

Texas has been cleaning the ‘voter roles’ since 2021…

Purging voter registration rolls should not be controversial. The process is part of ensuring the integrity of the vote, making sure that ineligible voters are not allowed a ballot.

But for some Democrats looking to make an issue of purging people from the voter rolls, it’s a racist attempt to deny people of color the right to vote.

Do states purge some eligible voters from the rolls inadvertently or by mistake? No doubt the answer to that question is yes. Perhaps someone who moved forgot to change their address. Perhaps they didn’t notice the postcard that came in the mail reminding them to register with their new address.

The fact is that the overwhelming number of people who are purged from voter rolls were either dead or moved without telling the local registrar. 

Full article, HERE from PJ Media.

So, over ONE MILLION ‘voters’ removed in three years. Interesting, to put it mildly!

So far, almost 2000 illegal voters (with voting history) have been sent to the AG, pending charges.

And of course the left is whining about the AG following up on election integrity issues dating back to 2022 HERE, including one democratic operative in Frio County who was investigated and found to have not just one phone and computer, but over 40 of each!

Makes one wonder ‘why’ that person needed all those phones and computers… Of course the MSM is NOT covering that part of the story.

So maybe, just maybe, Texas will have a pretty fair election come November. I hope…

 

This…

Posted on by August 26, 2024

Is just flat weird…

I haven’t followed baseball since the strike in 1994, but this one is apparently a first EVER event.

Weather and the MLB trade deadline led veteran catcher Danny Jansen to one of the most bizarre pieces of league history on Monday afternoon at Fenway Park in Boston. 

Jansen became the first player to ever play for both teams in the same game as the Toronto Blue Jays and Boston Red Sox resumed their rain-delayed game from June 26. 

In fact, Jansen played for both teams in the same inning when he took the field for the Red Sox as the game resumed. 

Full article, HERE from Fox News.

I know it didn’t happen overnight, but dayum… I guess that is one way to get in the history books!

And I can’t help but wonder what Jansen was thinking as he got behind the plate for what ‘should’ have been his at bat for the Jays. After all, he’d already fouled one off before the game was cancelled.

Ya know, if you tried to put something like this in a novel, you’d be booed for making up s**t that couldn’t happen…

Snerk…

Posted on by August 25, 2024

Found this old one from back in the late 90s…

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department…………..
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she was suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller:              ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect .’
Operator:         ‘What sort of trouble?’
Caller:              ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator:         ‘Went away?’
Caller:              ‘They disappeared’
Operator:         ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller:              ‘Nothing.’
Operator:         ‘Nothing??’
Caller:              ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator:         ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’
Caller:              ‘How do I tell?’
Operator:        ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’
Caller:              ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator:         ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller:              ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator:         ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator?’
Caller:              ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator:         ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’
Caller:               ‘I don’t know.’
Operator:          ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller:              ‘Yes, I think so.’
Opera tor:         ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall..
Caller:              ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator:         ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just  one? ‘
Caller:               ‘No.’
Operator:          ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller:               ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator:          ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer..’
Caller:               ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator:          ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’
Caller:               ‘No…’
Operator:          ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’
Caller:               ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator:          ‘Dark?’
Caller:               ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.’
Operator:         ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller:              ‘I can’t..’
Operator:         ‘No? Why not?’
Caller:              ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator:         ‘A power …. A power failure?  Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?’
Caller:              ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..’
Operator:         ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller:              ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator:         ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller:               ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’
Operator:          ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to  own a computer!’

It’s all over…

Posted on by August 24, 2024

But the crying at Boeing…

NASA kicked the Starliner to the curb yesterday.

Boeing will return its Starliner capsule from the International Space Station without the NASA astronauts that it delivered to orbit in early June, the agency announced on Saturday.

With Starliner coming back to Earth empty, NASA will now have astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams return via SpaceX’s Dragon spacecraft, which is expected to launch its ninth regular mission to the ISS for the agency on Sept. 24.

Ultimately, Wilmore and Williams will stay at the ISS for about six more months before flying home in February on SpaceX’s Crew-9 vehicle. The test flight was originally intended to last about nine days.

Full article, HERE from CNBC, h/t Stretch

Well, NASA finally got off the dime and made a decision. Now SpaceX gets to do a rescue, in addition to ‘building’ new suits for Wilmore and Willams since the Starliner suits won’t connect to the Dragon capsule.

One thing that was pointed out yesterday evening is that ‘supposedly’ there is an international agreement on ‘standardized’ fittings that will work with ANY capsule. Obviously, Boeing/Starliner didn’t do that. So until Dragon (now down two astronauts goes up in September, Wilmore and Williams are drifting in the wind if there is an emergency evac of the ISS.

I also wonder ‘when’ they will kick the Starliner off the ISS???

And how many heads will roll at NASA and Boeing over this mess? Apparently the losses (so far) are over $1B to Boeing’s bottom line.

 

Posted in ISS

Now it’s getting interesting…

Posted on by August 23, 2024

Yesterday’s announcement from RFK, Jr. was not exactly ‘unexpected’…

Robert Kennedy meets with the media for his big announcement today — but his court filings stepped on his surprise. The Associated Press took a close look at his campaign’s submission in Pennsylvania rather than in Arizona to discover what the RFK’s plan for the election will be. 

Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s campaign said in a Pennsylvania court filing Friday that he’s endorsing Donald Trump for president.

The campaign also requested that he be removed from the Pennsylvania ballot, though it wasn’t immediately clear that he was officially dropping out of the race. It came a day after he sought to be removed from Arizona’s ballot. He is running as an independent.

Full article, HERE from HotAir.

Even more interesting, he’s ONLY dropping out in the swing states, staying on the ballot in other states he qualified for!

This, IMHO, will really set the cat among the pigeons, as they say. When you add this to the Dems failed policies and dependence on unelected bureaucrats to ‘handle’ things for them (the swamp), this has to up the worries a bit.

Of course, this will probably just up the margin of cheat they are willing to conduct, so I think the gloves will come completely off on both sides!

And early voting starts in less than a month in some states… sigh