Nobody Asked Me…

Gotta love the Brits…

These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

3. It’s the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has as large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.

Laugh or cry…your choice!

Murphy’s First Law for Wives:

If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation:

The less important you are to the corporation, the more your absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom:

The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller’s Law of Insurance:

Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living:

As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

Weiner’s Law of Libraries:

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness:

Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law:

The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

And Here goes the last one !!

Lampner’s Law of Employment:

When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot !!!