Nobody Asked Me…

From a country mechanic…

FARM LIFE OBSERVATIONS ON MECHANICS AND FARMING

A dropped socket can run uphill.

7/16ths wrenches have legs.

Measure 3 times; the first two measurements are always different.

Any bolt bin always has one less of the size and length needed to complete the job.

The ratchet is always headed in the wrong direction.

The battery charger unplugs itself.

The first extension cord will always be two feet too short.

The chance of an inappropriate cut is directly proportional to the cost of the piece.

When you think it will take longer to get out the tools than to complete the job, you’re probably wrong.

Dropped screws instantly turn to camouflage.

The odds of dropping a small item is a direct relationship to the cleanliness of the floor.

You will always incorrectly cut the last remaining piece.

All engine compartments have nut, bolt, and washer hiding areas included at no extra cost.

The battery is situated on the side requiring a longer set of jumper cables.

A broken air wrench has little or no impact.

Grease guns are even greasy when they are new.

Freshly welded items always stay warm longer than necessary.

There is a reason that the closest tool is always the hammer.

10 millimeter sockets are the all time “Hide and Seek” champions.

A misplaced tool will always be located once the need has passed.

I’ll agree, EVERY @#@% one of these is true…

I got nuthin’, so you get jokes… Doing the beta fixes from my beta readers.

Government observations…

‘If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the

newspaper you are misinformed.’

Suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of Congress…. But then I repeat myself.

-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

– George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

-G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

-Douglas Casey,

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

-P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:  If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

-Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don’t make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

-Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now; wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!

– P.J. O’Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.

-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you!

-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

-Mark Twain (1866 )

Talk is cheap…except when Congress does it.

-Unknown

The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal: a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.

-Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

-Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.

-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class….save Congress.

-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.

-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 – 1995)

AND THE BEST ONE…….

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.

-Thomas Jefferson

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Once there was a little boy playing around his house. He was twirling around, and suddenly, he knocked over the outhouse. Frightened that he would be caught, he ran into the woods and didn’t come out until it got dark. When he arrived back home, his father was waiting for him. He asked suspiciously, “Son, did you knock over the outhouse?” “No, father,” the son lied. “Well, let me tell you a story,” said the father.” Once, not that long ago, George Washington received a shiny new axe from his father. Excited, he tried it out on a tree, swiftly cutting it down. But as he looked at the tree, with dismay he realized it was his mother’s favorite cherry tree,” his father paused. “Just like you, he ran into the woods. When he returned, his father asked him, ‘Did you cut down the cherry tree?’ George answered with, ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did indeed chopped down the tree.’ Then the father said, ‘Well, since you were honest with me, you are spared from punishment. I hope you have learned your lesson, though.’ So, the little boy’s father asked again,” did you knock down the outhouse?” “Father, I cannot tell a lie.” said the little boy. “I did indeed knock down the outhouse.” Then the father spanked the little boy red, white, and blue. The boy whimpered, “Father, I told you the truth! Why did you spank me?” The father answered, “That’s because George Washington’s father wasn’t in the tree when he chopped it down!”

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Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening….

Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture.

As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.

Quickly, she wrote, “Don’t despair. – Sister Barbara,” on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man’s attention, and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.

The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her.

She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“That’s the $8,000 you have coming Sister,” he replied. “Don’t Despair paid 80-to-1.”